Bryan Dawe quotes from The Games

Bryan Dawe

Eighty years of age. We would have had him kneecapped at forty.

Bryan Dawe

What's a lacrosse centre? It's a paddock with a couple of goalposts.

Bryan Dawe

He’s got a very soft side, John. You don’t see it very often but it’s there. I remember we were once in Milan and we were sitting out on this fifteenth-century balcony. We were drinking a local liqueur called ‘Mist of Heaven’ and all of a sudden John just started to weep. I don’t think he was unhappy. I mean, we’d drunk about three bottles of the stuff and the weather was very beautiful and we were just sitting out there looking over the harbour.

Bryan Dawe

Yes, he had some disappointments, but John could have been a world-class runner. No doubt about that. He wasn’t. But he could have been.

Bryan Dawe

Arrogant? John? No. Arrogant? No, not exactly.

This is just a huge distraction, isn't it?

Gina Riley

Pardon?

This is just a huge distraction.

Bryan Dawe

Pardon?

John Clarke

Pardon?

Isn't this whole issue just a distraction?

John Clarke

Er ... sorry Barrie? Er ... yeah. It probably was.

Bryan Dawe

John, what is this amount here?

John Clarke

Where it says 'contingency'?

Bryan Dawe

Yes.

John Clarke

It's a contingency.

Bryan Dawe

Yeah. What's it for.

John Clarke

I don't know what it's for. If I knew what it was for, it wouldn't be a contingency. That's what a contingency is.

Bryan Dawe

John, I know what a contingency is. I want to know what it's for.

John Clarke

Well, the opening ceremony. How the hell are we supposed to know how much the opening ceremony's going to cost, it hasn't happened yet!

Bryan Dawe

John, why didn't you guess a hundred million?

John Clarke

A hundred million dollars?

Bryan Dawe

Yeah.

John Clarke

It's a bloody opening ceremony Bryan, it's not global poverty!

Bryan Dawe

John? John?

John Clarke

[To President Clinton on the telephone] Sorry to do this to you again, I'll be with you as soon as possible.

Bryan Dawe

John, this contingency here is supposed to be in the bank account according to your figures.

John Clarke

You're still here.

Bryan Dawe

It's not in the bank account!

John Clarke

Bryan, look, I don't want to worry you. I've got Juan Antonio Samaranch coming here in half an hour to see a swimming pool. We haven't even finished stage 1 on!

Bryan Dawe

Appreciate that.

John Clarke

We've finished the water! I can show him the water! I've got the Premier out there now having a cup of coffee, I hope he doesn't drop it - he'll set fire to himself Bryan! I've got a very nice Mr Clinton on the blower here, I've not even had time to speak to him! I haven't got time to go pushme-pullyou with all this budgetary crap!

John Clarke

Tobacco sponsorship?

Bryan Dawe

Yes.

John Clarke

Well done Bryan. That really is terrific news. Now here's a number. I want to see if you can get some more. You ring that. That's the Cambodian Embassy. They'll have a number for the estate of the late Pol Pot. See if you can get them to tip some money into a humanitarian sponsorship of some kind. You seem to be good at it.

Bryan Dawe

You're just afraid if you start again you won't stop.

John Clarke

Well that's the thing with addictive chemicals, Bryan!

John Clarke

Mr Wilson. Do you know who is the current 100 metres all-comers Australian record holder?

Can I guess?

John Clarke

There's not much point in guessing.

Is he an African American?

John Clarke

He's not an African American, no.

Is he that Canadian from Jamaica?

John Clarke

No, he's not a Canadian from Jamaica.

I give up.

John Clarke

The 100-metre record in this country, Mr Wilson, is currently held by Bryan.

Bryan?

Bryan Dawe

Yes.

Congratulations.

Bryan Dawe

Thank you.

John Clarke

A new mark, Mr Wilson, set at a blistering session last Wednesday. I wish you'd been there. We were down there and we had a bet.

Was this wind assisted?

John Clarke

No, and we'd had a couple, and in my view Bryan is not in quite the nick he was in at the same stage of last season.

John Clarke

Robert Walkley?

Bryan Dawe

Writes for the Star.

John Clarke

Star?

Bryan Dawe

Weekly tabloid. Light-heared mixture of racism and pornography.

John Clarke

I don't see what all the fuss is about. What did they do the last time this happened?

Bryan Dawe

What, in 1899?

John Clarke

If you would like us to answer any questions on the internet - perhaps we could settle an argument, or maybe you'd like to make a booking, or perhaps you're just curious - this is how you get in touch with us: 'dot com'.

Bryan Dawe

What's 'dot com', John?

John Clarke

What is 'dot com'? I was told you 'dot com' - you put the mouse through the window in the 'dot com'.

Bryan Dawe

No, no ... no.

John Clarke

And you do it, and it comes through the service station. And you choose the search motor, and there's a drop-down dinner.