Staff Member quotes from The Games

John Clarke

In this very room, we’ve probably got a microcosm of Australia’s fabulous cultural diversity. [To Asian-looking staff member] Where, for example, do you come from?

Who, me? Collaroy.

John Clarke

No, I mean where are your parents from?

Oh, they’re from Petersham.

John Clarke

What about your grandparents, then? Where are your grandparents from?

Well, they had a market garden up in Maitland.

John Clarke

Yes, well, good on them. My point is the cultural diversity. I mean, we all come from somewhere. In my own case, for example, probably principally Ireland and Scotland in the 1860s. What about you?

Oh, well, they came up from Melbourne in about 1855.

John Clarke

Good on them.

From the Victorian goldfields.

John Clarke

Yes, very good. Yes, well, the cultural point is probably well made.

Why have we issued tickets that don’t fit the little tickets slots?

Bryan Dawe

Can I just handle that? Can I just say that the ticketing system that we implemented for these games is absolutely superb? If it had come off we would have been national heroes. I mean, it was a brilliant idea.

What went wrong?

Bryan Dawe

We got caught.

What do the IOC actually do?

Gina Riley

Well, as I’ve just said, they select the city for the Games.

And how do they do that?

Gina Riley

Well, they travel around the world for many years looking at places where the Olympics might be held.

Have the Olympics ever been held in a brothel?