Cosmo quotes from The Fairly OddParents

[rubbing the wands together like sticks] Huh! If I could just light these candles, we could eat!

Did it ever occur to you we're in a fishbowl filled with water?

That's why I'm trying to light these candles. Somebody's got to dry up all this wet food!

Hey guys, what's new? [the candles light]

Uh...the laws of physics?

[finds Wanda (as Timmy) watching TV] Timmy! What are you doing up this late? It's way past your bedtime!

But...uh...but...

No "buts", young man. You march straight to bed, and don't make me get the giant robot in here.

Timmy! What are you doing in here? You were just in there.

Uh.... no I wasn't?

Well, that settles that. But you know you're not supposed to eat sweets this late at night...or change from pink to green.

You know, sweetie, running away from your problems never solved anything.

[knocking other children out of the way] Turner!

But it's great cardio - run, Timmy, run!

¿Donde esta el queso de apestoso? (Translation: Where is the American cheese?) [original airing version; all current versions substitute "American" for "smelly"]

[holding up a piece of cheese emblazoned with the U.S. flag] ¡Aquí! [clears throat] Tengo un puerco en mis chones.

You have a hog in your pants?

¡Sí! [pulls a pig out of his pants]

Then you get extra credit!

Yay! Extra credit!

[eating Chester-endorsed breakfast cereal] Mmm! These Chester-O's are a great part of any winner's complete breakfast!

Don't you want to try some Timmy-O's? [pulls out a cardboard box of cereal oats with a crude crayon drawing of Timmy taped onto it and we hear a laughing baby in the background]

That loser cereal? That's for pack-mules. Son, I need to achieve.

[cereal is thrown into fish bowl] Hey! These are for pack-mules!

[as a girl] I'm going out to the mall to find something Trixie would like. But just so you two have something to laugh at while I'm gone- [to Cosmo] I wish you were a woman, [to Wanda] and you were a man!

What?!

You're my godparents. No choice. [Cosmo and Wanda do as Timmy asked] Congratulations. You're now Cosma and Wando!

Wanda, my love! [begins kissing "Wanda's" hand] I've missed you more than the sun misses the dawn!

Well, that's all very flattering...

But that's my hand pal, and guess what, I don't need magic to turn it into a FIST! [tries unsuccessfully] [Juandissimo then turns Cosmo into a tortoise and his wand lands several feet away] When I get my wand..oh, you are in for it! [crawls towards wand]

[over-dramatically] You see how he almost turned his hand into a fist?! I am lucky to be alive!

[mocking Juandissimo] Hey, Muscles Magoo! [turns into Juandissimo] Look at me! I'm fancy, and my long black hair flows in the wind!

Stop making fun of my outer beauty!

I'm strong, but I still lost my woman to an idiot!

[turns into a fat Juandissimo] Chunky Hunky!

STOP!

[turns into a fat monkey Juandissimo] Monkey Chunky Hunky!

[to Wanda] Your voice...is like the chorus of a thousand angels!

Yeah?! Well, my foot is gonna feel like the chorus of a thousand- [Juandissimo turns Cosmo into a tortoise] REVENGE! REVEEEEEENGE! [starts crawling towards his wand]

Why doesn't he just wish for sweeter lemonade?

I can do that! [he takes off his shoes and socks, then sticks his socks into a glass.]

I said "sweeter", not "sweatier"!

Really? I thought you said, "dunk your sweaty socks in Timmy's lemonade"!

Oh no! One of them is going to turn the future America into a yellow-toothed-electricity-deprived rathole!

Yeah! And the other one is going to turn it into a brightly-lit democratically-run rathole!

Don't worry Timmy! It's not over 'till the fat lady votes!

Can the principal vote?

Cosmo thinks everything's funny. Watch. [to Cosmo, speaking in a monotone voice] Pudding.

Ha-ha-ha! She said 'puh', then 'ding'!

[Timmy is playing a Crash Nebula video game, like he did back in "Smarty Pants."] Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Uh... never cook bacon with your shirt off? [whistling, removes shirt and tie, bacon splatters out of the pan]

No. I wish my life had a reset button!

This year, I'm a floating human janitor.

And I'm a floating human nurse.

Who floats!

Vicky

And I'm the Wicked Witch of "Where's-My-Candy?!"