The Cleveland Show · Season 1
[after making a strike] He's unstoppable! [signals to Donna] The crowd wondering how he could even be related to that old, leathery bowling bag. Ha! Strike, turkey.
[Donna get three pins]
Oh, fudge me!
Ha, already got you bustin' out the kid-friendly swear words. You know that? You got more exes in real life than you do in bowling. Ha! Strike, turkey.
Hey, Fifi! When you're done with that wee-wee, come help Pee-Wee with the free Wee-Fee!
[hears crawling noises] He’s crawling through the exhaust pipe! He’s in the car! [the rat arrives]
It's the dream you gave up for me.
I'm going back to the Family Guy again!?
[Donna has just threatened to make Rallo take baths without dinosaur toys]
Ah! You're a monster!
A monster on vacation.
[after seeing the view from the burial plots Holt bought for the gang and their families]
Wow, I could stay here forever!
Yeah, that's kind of the idea.
Rallo! Wake up! I have to tell you something, it's not easy for me to say and it's not gonna be easy for you to hear.
Roberta's really my mom?
Don't ever say that again!
Mom?
Yes, sweetheart?
[clears his throat] Off-color terms for a woman's privates include: [bleep, bleep]. And most offensively, [bleep]. [smiles]
[Furious and offended, Donna kicks Rallo's door open, throws him in his room, and closes the door, leaving him alone with Junior, who is sleeping, moping around and still grounded]
Hey, man. I couldn't let you serve out this sentence alone. So, is that top bunk taken? [pokes Junior] Junior?
[reveals his bald head and a tear in his eye] You sleep on the floor, 'cause you're my BITCH.
Please don't knock my teeth out!
[about to punch him] You're 5, you'll grow more.
[backs away until he bumps into the door then shouts] Mama!
[annoyed, off-screen] What?!
It was me! I stole the candy bar! Junior had nothing to do with it, I swear! Please let him go!
[off-screen] Roberta?
[off-screen] Fine by me.
[takes off the rubber bald head and wipes off the tear, revealing to be a charade] Thanks, Rallo. But do let me know when your teeth fall out. [skips happily and giggles]
Wow, Donna was dead-on. Oh, my god, Donna! Oh, what have I done?!
[sees a candy bar laying on the ground and picks it up] Where did this come from?
[claps hands] I hope a tree.
Rallo, did you steal this?
What? Oh, 'cause I'm black?
Well, one of you boys stole it, and until someone comes cleaned, you're both grounded.
Aw, for what?
On who's authority?
And Roberta, you were supposed to be watching them. You're grounded, too.
Nuh-uh! How are you gonna cage a hurricane?
You know what? Because of that, [loudly] everybody's grounded!
Aw...
But it's my quinceanera.
You in America now.
[to Rallo & Junior] All right, you booger eaters. My punishment is being in charge of your punishment. And I won't tolerate any humpin', bumpin', crumpin' or dumpin'.
What?!
[leaves, slams door]
[throws down the clean stuff] Thanks a lot, Rallo! I've never been grounded before!
Look, relax. You're squeaky clean. As long as we apologize, Mom will unground us, time served, and you can go on about your creepy business.
I'm not apologizing for something I didn't do. YOU stole that candy!
Fine, then I guess we're stuck here 'til you change your mind. [sits on the toilet seat and reads a book] [sees Junior staring at him] Look away. No, don't. Get used to this.
[grunting] I'm gettin' strong in lock-up. What you readin'?
We didn't have the Koran, so I'm reading my leather-bound Judy Blume collection. [giggles] That girl's called "Blubber". What a fat-ass.
[to Rallo and Cleveland Jr. from downstairs; off-screen] Prisoner 1 and Prisoner 19, report downstairs.
[to Cleveland Jr.] Okay, just say you're sorry and we'll be fine.
I'm not saying sorry. I didn't do jack!
Fine, then every man for himself.
[to Rallo] Now, what happened?
First off, I'd like to say the punishment was fair. I was even able to earn my TV/VCR repair certificate in here. Second, we may never know exactly what happened that unfortunate afternoon in the park, but I take full responsibility for my part, whatever it may or may not have been.
That took guts, Rallo. Junior?
I did NOT steal that candy bar. That's it.
[to Junior] Do you think I'm running a clown shop, Junior? Candy chocolate bar? Your sweet teeth? I know you did it!
NO!
Rallo, you showed remorse. You are free to go. Junior, you fat liar! You are grounded indefinitely!
Oh, WHAT?!
Hosanna!
Gavel, schmavel. Living room adjourned. [Cleveland Jr. whimpers, then rushes to his room, to Donna] Mama, I'll let Rallo go. Is that okay?
Oh, you guys still doing that? Whatever. I'm going to Shakespeare in the Park if Cleveland ever gets here.
[after Junior rescues a little girl's cat from a tree]
Thank you, magical giraffe!
[the white dog pees on him when Cleveland Jr. hid him in trees and branches] Oh, come on, dog. Why you gotta do me like that?
You're like a stripper, Donna. You just won't accept change.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Cleveland Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
