Bobby Brady quotes from The Brady Bunch

Bobby

Can I spit out my toothpaste?

Greg

Why didn't you spit it out in the bathroom?

Bobby

You said we had to do just what we did before. I didn't spit now cause I didn't spit then. And you know somethin'?

Greg

What?

Bobby

It's hard to talk with your mouth full of toothpaste.

Peter

The suspense is killing me!

Bobby

So is the toothpaste!

Cindy

[in a fake-friendly tone] Want a piece of licorice?

Bobby

Yeah!

Cindy

[in mean voice] I BET YOU DO! (AND YOU GET ONLY ONE BITE!)

Bobby

I'm not lending everything to a snitcher!

Cindy

I'm not a snitcher. I just tell it like it is.

Bobby

Well I'm not lending you my skate key after the way you squealed on Greg and Peter!

Cindy

Okay, I'll tell what you did yesterday.

Bobby

You little fink!

Greg

MOM'S FAVORITE VASE!

Bobby

She always says don't play ball in the house.

Mike

Well, we have five suspects and five confessions.

Carol

Correction. Six suspects. And #6 is looking forward to an overnight camping trip this Saturday.

Mike

By Jove, Holmes, you’ve deduced that young Peter Brady did it.

Carol

Elementary, my dear Watson, the five who confessed are covering up for the sixth who didn’t.

Mike

Right. And if Peter is guilty, then the other kids are accessories to the crime.

Carol

Well, what are we gonna do about it, Mike?

Mike

Why not we play along with their little game and punish everybody who confessed?

Carol

[gasps] What? And allow Peter to get away with it?

Mike

Honey, Peter is not going to get away with it. His conscience is not going to let him.

Peter

Does anybody know why Dad called this meeting?

Marcia

I do. He's gonna tell everybody I broke the vase. I confessed.

Greg

Oh, no.

Marcia

Well, somebody had to take the blame.

Greg

I told Mom I did it.

Bobby

Me too.

Jan

Thud.

Bobby

You too?

Cindy

I guess we all confessed.

Peter

I didn’t.

Greg

You didn’t.

Peter

[angry] I wanted to in the first place! But you guys drained up this whole thing!

Marcia

Peter’s right. We’re as much to blame for this as he is.

Jan

Shh! Here they come.

Cindy

I think we’re all gonna get it now.

Mike

One of you broke your mother's vase. But five of you claimed that you did it.

Carol

There seems to be a slight communication gap in this family.

Mike

Look! No matter who broke it, the others of you who confessed are just as guilty for hiding the truth. And I’m afraid you’re all going to have to be punished.

Peter

A necktie!?

Greg

Sure, Pete. When you're famous, you can't look like a slob.

Bobby

Does that mean you have to wear clean socks, too?

Greg

[ignoring Bobby] There, now how do I look?

Peter

Like a slob with a tie!

Peter

When are you going to grow up?

Bobby

When I get older.

Bobby

You did!

Cindy

I didn't!

Bobby

You did too!

Cindy

I did not!

Greg

Hey, what are you two arguing about?

Bobby

Well, you might wanna know, she told everyone else. I got called into the principal's office for chewing gum in class!

Bobby

Mom, dad, it works! Stretching myself really works! I grew an inch and a half!

Mike

How much?

Bobby

A whole inch and a half!

Carol

Oh, honey, maybe you grew, but I don't think an inch and a half.

Mike

Not since yesterday.

Bobby

But I measured myself three times! A half inch, plus one whole inch!

Cindy

No, it's only a half an inch!

Bobby

How do you know it's only half an inch?

Cindy

Well...

Mike

Yeah, how do you know, Cindy?

Cindy

I made the mark a half inch lower, so that Bobby would think he grew!

Mike

Cindy!

Cindy

I'm sorry!

Bobby

Well, that's okay, I still grew an inch!

Jan

No, only half an inch.

Carol

You did the same thing too? [Jan nods]

Bobby

Well, a half inch isn't bad.

Marcia

Bobby.

Carol

Oh, no.

Marcia

I guess we should have checked with each other.

Bobby

That's the dirtiest trick I've ever heard of!

Mike

Bobby. They weren't trying to trick you. I don't think that what they did was right —

Carol

They were only trying to help.

Bobby

They did it because they know it's true!

Carol

Now what's true?

Bobby

I'm a shrimpo, a peewee, I'll never grow another inch as long as I live! [runs up the stairs]

Carol

Hi, Bobby! Hey, wait a minute, your clothes!

Carol

Bobby, your eye! What in the world happened?

Bobby

I got in a fight with Tommy Huxley.

Carol

Tommy Huxley? He's twice as big as you are! Why doesn't he pick on somebody his own size?

Bobby

Well, I picked on him.

Carol

You started a fight? Why?

Bobby

Well, he was acting like a big shot.

Carol

Oh. Well, you weren't by any chance feeling like a little shot, were you?

Bobby

Well, I am a little shot, that all I'll ever be!

Carol

Oh, Bobby. Listen, you've heard about Napoleon Bonaparte, haven't you?

Bobby

Yeah, he's that funny guy that always walked around with his hand on his stomach.

Carol

Well, he was also a little guy. And he went around trying to prove how big he was by fighting everybody.

Bobby

Did he win?

Carol

Nope, just like you he got clobbered. So I really don't think that fighting is the answer. Do you, Bob?

Bobby

Not if you lose.

Greg

[on the phone] Yeah Rachel, it’s great seeing you at school. But I still want to take you out. Well, what about a movie tomorrow night? Yeah, the drive-in. It’s a good double bill, uh, a science fiction and a western. Great, great, Rachel. Well, I’ll pick you up about 7. Bye.

Bobby

Sounds good to me.

Greg

[annoyed] What sounds good to you?!

Bobby

A double film.

Greg

Exactly what does that mean?

Bobby

I’m going with you.

Greg

[laughs sarcastically] HA! NO WAY!

Bobby

Remember the bet?

Greg

[gets upset] I HAVE TAKEN OUT THE TRASH FOR YOU! I HAVE HOSED OFF THE PATIO, HAVE SHINED YOUR SHOES, HAVE MADE YOUR BED, AND HAVE CLEANED YOUR BIKE! AND I EVEN LET YOU BEAT ME AT CHECKERS BECAUSE YOU HAVE TOLD ME TO! BUT THAT IS IT! THAT IS IT! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?

Bobby

It’s okay with me! I don’t mind if she comes along or not!

Greg

[angry and to Bobby] LISTEN (VERY CAREFULLY) MR. CHIN-UP KING! I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE ASKED FAIR AND SQUARE! BUT THERE IS NO WAY! NO WAY YOU ARE GOING ON MY DATE WITH RACHEL!

Bobby

[from the backseat] You're blocking my view!

Bobby

And I want some more popcorn.

Greg

You've already had three bags!

Bobby

Then I want pizza.

Greg

I'll be back in a minute, Rachel.

Bobby

[Jumps into the front seat] Boy, you can really see better from up here.

[Unenthused] Uh-huh.

Bobby

Neat movie, isn't it?

Yeah, real neat.

Bobby

Having fun, huh?

We're having a ball.

Bobby

You see, I told Greg if I came you wouldn't mind.

Greg

[to Bobby] Here's the pizza you ordered! And that's all of the food you get!

Greg

[muttering] Our bet had nothing to do with me going broke!

Greg, wouldn't it be nice if Bobby got in the backseat to eat his pizza?

Greg

Yes, that would be nice.

Bobby

Okay! [Greg closes the car door, accidentally hits the horn, shushes Bobby] I didn't do that! Want some pizza?

Greg

No!

Bobby

How about you, Rachel? It's real good, pepperoni and onions.

No, no thank you.

Bobby

You guys don't know what you're missing!

Greg

We know what we're missing! [Attempts to embrace Rachel again]

Bobby

You're blocking my view again!

Greg

Come on, Bobby, stop fooling around! You're not even watching the movie!

Bobby

Neither are you!

I'll tell you what, why don't we all watch the movie.

Bobby

It's warm in here, put the top down.

Greg

Put the top — ? Now look, Bobby.

You might as well do it, Greg.

Greg

What do you think you're doing?

Bobby

It might rain. You wouldn't want sweetiepie to get wet, would you?

Greg

Now you're just being a wiseguy. Put that umbrella away!

Bobby

I told you, it might rain!

Greg

Well, if it might rain, then I'm putting the top back up! [Retracts the roof, causing cars to honk again]

Greg

Now you've done it! Wait till Dad sees this!

Greg

How would you like to get Kerry back? Now listen, I-

Peter

I don't trust you, you stole my girl!

Greg

I did not steal your girl.

Peter

You did.

Bobby

If you guys are starting that again, I'm getting out of here.

Jan

If I were an only child, I wouldn't have any phony brothers and sisters! Who needs you?!

Greg

You mean that, Jan?

Jan

You're right, I sure do!

Greg

Well, if that's what you want, I'm sure it can be arranged. Right, you guys? [Marcia, Peter, Bobby and Cindy agree]

Peter

You just lost yourself five brothers and sisters!

Marcia

And you can have the whole house to yourself.

Jan

Great!

Cindy

For us, too!

Greg

As far as you're concerned, we don't even exist.

Bobby

Yeah, we're not even here!

Greg

Consider us invisible! Come on, gang, let's disappear. [Everybody but Jan leaves]

Peter

What are we leaving for?

Bobby

Yeah, this is our room!