A character in The Brady Bunch
Played by Mike Lookinland
The Brady Bunch · 120 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Brady Bunch: in 45 of its 120 quotes
Most scenes with: Cindy Brady (24), Peter Brady (23), Greg Brady (21)
[Bobby, as the new school hall monitor, had reported Cindy for an infraction and she's angry with him]
[Takes a slice of cheese from the fridge and throws it on Bobby's plate] Here!
BobbyWhat's the cheese for?
For you! All rats eat cheese! [leaves angrily]
[Cindy is explaining her predicament to Carol]
And he wrote down the names, even mine!
But that's his job, sweetheart.
Yes, but I'm his very own sister!
Well, that doesn't give you any special privileges. The same rules apply to you that apply to anyone else.
[angrily] I don't see why they should.
Let me see... I'll try to explain it to you this way. Let's say that Bobby was a policeman, and I drove through a red light. Accidentally, of course. Well, I would expect him to give me a ticket.
Your own son?
Absolutely.
Boy, if I ever had a son who was a policeman and he gave me a ticket, I'd give him a spanking!
[Bobby comes in, Cindy leaves angrily]
BobbyI guess she was complaining about me.
You guessed right.
BobbyAnd I guess you took her side.
You guessed wrong.
BobbyYou didn't?
No. Well, Cindy didn't like it, but you were just doing your duty.
[Bobby leaves]
I wonder if he really would give me a ticket.
[Jan had signed the kids up for an amateur show to raise money for their parents' anniversary present]
[laughs] Jan, you dingaling! We got about as much chance of getting on that show, and winning first prize, and getting the money as we do of robbing a bank!
BobbyHey!
Forget it.
[Cindy tries to talk her siblings and Alice into appearing in a fundraiser play of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"]
Me play one of the seven dwarfs?
You liked Mrs. Whitfield, didn't you?
Sure, she was my favorite teacher. She was Marcia's favorite teacher too. I think she was even Mom's favorite teacher.
Boy, she's been teaching since the older days.
You better not say that around Mom.
Well, will you help me with the play?
Sure. If I can be Dopey.
Well, you can't be Dopey.
Why not?
I'm saving that part for someone special.
Who?
Me.
[Cut to bathroom, knock on the door]
Come in.
Marcia, how about —
Sure, Cindy. Anything for good old Mrs. Whitfield.
Oh, thanks!
Except, I want to play Dopey instead of you.
How did you know I wanted to play Dopey?
Thin walls.
[Cindy leaves]
[Cut to Greg's room, Cindy knocks on the door]
Come in.
Gee, Greg, this room in the attic sure is neat. I love the way you fixed it up, and Alice —
Cindy, you don't have to butter me up. I'd be glad to help out Mrs. Whitfield.
Thanks!
But I want to play Dopey instead of you.
How did you know I wanted to play Dopey?
Thin floors.
[Cut to boys' room, Cindy knocks on the door]
Sure, Cindy, anything for Mrs. Whitfield. As long as I get to play Dopey.
BobbyThat goes for me too, but I want to play Dopey.
Well, you can't be Dopey.
BobbyYes, I can. [door closes]
"Snow White and the Seven Dopeys"?
[Cut to kitchen]
Alice, how would you like a nice, big, juicy part in my play?
I'd love to! Can I play Dopey?
That part's already taken, six times.
What have you got left?
How about the wicked queen?
You got yourself a deal. If I can't be a wacky dwarf, I'll be a wicked queen. [imitates evil laughter]
That was good. Thanks, Alice!
[singing] Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's home from work we go! (whistle) Heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho, we're seven in a row [whistle, Sam stops], heigh ho.
What'd you stop for, Dopey?
Eh, I forgot which way we live, Doc!
Jan/Happy, Cindy/Grumpy: We live that way! [point in opposite directions]
[yawn] Can't we get going? It's time for my nap! I'm sleepy!
Well, I'm catching a cold! [sneezes]
I know which way we live!
Which way, Bashful?
I'm too bashful to tell you! [laughs]
Hey, I remember which way! We follow the yellow brick road!
That's in "The Wizard Of Oz!"
So, don't follow the yellow brick road!
[singing] Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's home from work we go! [march behind the stage]
[Marcia had just fired Peter from his job at the ice cream parlor; Peter and Bobby are in the bathroom]
For no reason at all, right out of left field she fired me.
BobbyWhat a rotten thing to do to your own brother.
That's what you get when you give small people power. They can't handle it.
[Marcia knocks on the door]
Are you gonna be in there all night?
BobbyDictator! [leaves]
[Marcia enters the bathroom]
You brainwashed Bobby!
No I didn't, I told him the truth. You fired me 'cause you're power-hungry.
I fired you because you're lazy and you deserved it!
You know what you are? A company stooge!
What's the use?
Okay, run away from the truth, you Captain Bligh Dictator!
And you're a capital "G" goof-off!
[Bobby doesn't want to be with Peter, whom he's at odds with]
BobbyWanna play a game or something, Alice?
Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Bobby, not tonight. I gotta go to bed early, I didn't sleep very well last night.
BobbyWhy not?
Well, I stayed up half the night, watching one of those TV horror movies, "The Demon That Devoured Detroit", gave both of us heartburn. [leaves, Greg comes in]
BobbyWanna watch some TV with me, Greg?
Sorry, I got a date. I'll see you later.
[Bobby walks into the living room, seeing his sisters leaving]
BobbyHey, where are you going?
We're gonna spend the night at my friend Helen's house.
BobbyHow come?
That wallpaper post made our room smell too icky.
Have fun. [the girls leave]
BobbyYeah. Whoopee.
[Mike and Carol are leaving]
Good night, son.
Don't stay up past your bedtime.
BobbyI might as well go to sleep right now; there's nobody around here to do anything with.
Oh, now, Bobby, Peter's home.
BobbyThat's the same thing as being alone.
[Bobby is practicing playing "Yankee Doodle" on a portable organ, Peter and Cindy look on]
BobbyHow am I doing now?
It still sounds awful, but you're playing a lot faster.
So it's awful for less time.
BobbyHardy-har-har.
[Bobby and Cindy are playing checkers on Cindy's bed, Jan walks in]
BobbyI win.
Maybe Bobby cheated.
Did you cheat?
BobbyNo, Jan just got a big mouth and bad eyes.
He didn't really cheat, Cindy.
Then why did you say that?
It's a debating tactic. I force Bobby into defending himself by accusing him of something.
BobbyI get enough accusing around here from mom and dad.
Hey, you two accuse me of something and I'll defend myself.
BobbyOkay. I accuse you.. of being weird. [leaves the room]
I'm on the debating team at school and I really need practice. Choose a subject and pick a side.
Okay. I pick Bobby's side, you are weird. [leaves]
Won't anybody around here debate me? [picks up Cindy's Kitty Karry-All doll] You, pick a side.
BobbyPeter, will you be our judge?
For what?
Bobby and I made a bet on who's the best bike rider.
What did you bet?
BobbySame thing as Greg and Marcia. The person who comes closer to the stopline without going over wins.
And the loser has to do the winner's chores for a whole year.
Well, first you better look at something, Bobby. [points to Greg doing ironing]
BobbyAin't too easy to beat a dumb ol' girl anyway. [leaves]
Chicken.
[Peter and Bobby are camping out in the backyard, waiting for their "UFO" to appear]
Hey, did the UFO land yet?
BobbyNo, do you see one?
Oh, well we thought that maybe you hid it in your sleeping bags.
Look, if you just came out here to make jokes, you can leave.
BobbyYeah!
Oh, we believe in flying objects, Peter.
It's just that flying objects don't believe in us.
[hops up] Listen, if you guys aren't out of here in three seconds, you're both gonna be flying objects!
Ooh, quiver!
Quake, quake!
Blast off!
[The boys' room, Oliver is snoring loudly]
Bobby[annoyed] Hey, Pete! Pete, you sleeping?
Are you kidding? Who can sleep with that buzz-saw going?
BobbyYeah, for a little guy, he sure snores big.
Sounds like the MGM Lion.
BobbyHow are we going to get any sleep?
I've read once where you can stop people from snoring by rolling them over. Let's try it.
BobbyAll right.
[Peter and Bobby try to roll Oliver over]
BobbyHe's heavier than he looks.
[Peter and Bobby fall on the floor, breaking the lamp on nightdesk]
Would you guys be a little bit more quiet? A guy can't get any sleep around here!
[Marcia and Jan try to find out if Cindy is snooping in Marcia's diary]
[They enter Peter and Bobby's room]
Passing through.
Gotta use the bathroom.
You got a door on your side!
It's stuck! [The girls get into the bathroom]
BobbyNow I know why hermits want to be hermits.
[The girls return from the bathroom, the same way]
Passing through.
BobbyWhat is this, a freeway?
Oh, we just couldn't stand being away from you two beautiful people.
[The girls leave, Peter blocks the door with a chair]
[Cindy and Oliver arrive home with a record album, Peter and Bobby are playing football in the yard]
Hey, what's in the bag?
A record album.
BobbyWhat kind?
The round kind.
With a hole in the middle.
Bobby[laughs sarcastically] Very funny. Let's see it. [tries to grab the album from Cindy, but Cindy snatches it back]
What's the big secret?
You know what the secret is.
Yeah, and you guys better treat Cindy nice! She's gonna be rich and famous and I'm gonna help her!
What are you two gonna do, rip off a bank?
BobbyYeah, Bonnie and Clyde! [The older boys laugh]
[sarcastically] Very funny.
Yeah! [leaves inside with Cindy]
Now wait a minute, you two, let's not have any bloodshed!
BobbyYeah, especially my blood! [Greg attempts to lunge at him, Carol tries to keep him apart]
Greg, stop it!
Well, what am I gonna do about my hair?!
Well, I don't know, leave your brother alone, we'll try to figure something out! [Turns to Bobby] I knew something like this was gonna happen, Bobby!
Well, why didn't you tell me?!
Well, here, let me see the bottle. [Takes the bottle] There's an address here! Now look, why don't we call the Neat & Natural Hair Tonic company, maybe this happened to some of their other customers.
BobbyGood thinking, mom!
Yeah, good thinking. Look, I'll try information.
BobbyI'm really sorry, I mean, I didn't know something like this was gonna happen!
Yeah, I guess you couldn't know.
BobbyOf course, it could have been worse!
I'd like to know how!
BobbyIt could have turned green!
Thanks, you're real company!
[on the phone] I see. Yeah. Thank you, operator. [Hangs up phone] Well, the Neat & Natural Company had it's phone disconnected. Oh, Bobby, I knew it was gonna be some sort of shady outfit!
BobbyI was really a jerk to fall for the ad in the magazine.
What am I gonna do about tomorrow, mom? It's graduation!
Well, Greg, have you tried to wash that stuff out of your hair?
No, I've been too busy looking for this... dumbhead! For your sake, it better work! [Leaves]
Oh, Bobby. Better say your prayers.
[In the attic, Greg tries washing his hair]
It didn't work. I washed it five times and it didn't work.
Well, at least you've got squeaky clean hair. I bet it grows out in 6-8 months.
Fantastic. Now what do I do in the meantime?
Well, you could shave your head and pretend you're a bowling ball. [Leaves, to Carol] He looks like Lucille Ball!
It didn't wash out, huh honey?
If anything, it got brighter orange.
Well look, I called the Better Business Bureau about that Neat and Natural Hair Tonic Company.
What did they say?
The FDA closed them down.
Oh well, now's a great time to find out.
Well, there is one consolation. I mean, outside of the color, it's not gonna hurt your hair or your scalp.
Well, what about graduation? I can't go out in public like this!
Well, I do have a solution. It might be a little embarrassing, but I think it'll work.
Mother, I couldn't possibly get any more embarrassed than I already am.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Brady Bunch pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
