[to Mike] I once saw a movie where a man was getting married. He was so nervous he forgot to put his pants on.
[looks under the table] You’re OK, dad.
All S1
Characters
Bobby BradyMike Lookinland · 45 quotes
Carol BradyFlorence Henderson · 38 quotes
Cindy BradySusan Olsen · 38 quotes
Peter BradyChristopher Knight · 37 quotes
Greg BradyBarry Williams · 36 quotes
Mike BradyRobert Reed · 35 quotes
Marcia BradyMaureen McCormick · 29 quotes
Jan BradyEve Plumb · 27 quotes
Alice NelsonAnn B. Davis · 14 quotes
Most scenes together: Bobby Brady & Cindy Brady (24), Bobby Brady & Peter Brady (23), Carol Brady & Mike Brady (23)
S1 E15Unfinished Business
DCDesk clerk
Oh, Mr. Brady, you have signed this Mr. Brady, Mrs. Brady and family.
Hmm, I forgot. It’s force of habit. Kids aren’t with us.
DCDesk clerk
But you did ask for the honeymoon suite.
Oh, it’s quite alright Mr. Pringle. You see …
[interrupts her] It’s quite alright, darling. No need to explain. It’s obvious that this gentleman doesn’t dig the modern generation.
You cheated.
I did not. And besides: You didn’t see me.
I did too!
I don’t hear anything.
What’s the matter with that?
Six kids and no noise. That’s what’s the matter with that… I’ve never heard such a loud silence.
Anyone offering a trip to Europe for the right answer?
[as she picks off flower petals] Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy.
It's just not gonna be the same without Alice.
Well, we can't make her stay. Abraham Lincoln put a stop to that.
I'm afraid we were going to get rid of daddy!
Well then?
We're sick of doing all these things.
Do this, do that, they're a real pain.
Yeah, they're too bossy.
[to all the kids] When your mother and I got married, the man said it was going to be better or worse. We have had enough worse. Now we are going to have some better. Effectively immediately, we share. And we share like everyone else.
[Cindy's doll has gone missing and she blames Bobby]
Come on, Bobby, you can tell us.
What?
Where did you hide Cindy's doll?
I didn't hide it, like I told Mom.
Honest?
Honest.
Would you swear to it? The sacred oath?
Even the sacred oath.
Boy, that proves he didn't take it. No sir!
[In girls' room]
Are you sure Bobby took her?
Sure I am, he said he hated Kitty!
I heard him say it lots of times.
[crying] And she doesn't even have her bottle, she'll starve to death!
Come on. [takes Cindy's hand]
Where are we going?
We're gonna get that doll back.
Yeah. [They leave for boys' room]
[Back in boys' room]
If Bobby didn't take it, Cindy shouldn't say he did.
Right. Come on, she can't accuse him and get away with it. [They leave for girls' room]
[Girls enter the boys' room]
Bobby, you give Kitty back or... [they realize room is empty]
[Boys enter the girls' room]
Now listen here, Cindy, you... [they realize room is empty, Greg turns towards the open bathroom door] Come on.
[The children meet in the bathroom]
Bobby, you give Kitty back!
You stop picking on him!
What did you do with her?
He didn't do anything with her!
He did too!
I did not!
You did so!
He did not so!
Oh yeah?
Yeah!
[Mike and Carol enter]
Hey, hey, hey, what's going on in here?
[The kids argue]
Hold it! Will somebody fill me in?
Well, Cindy's doll is missing, and the girls think Bobby took it.
Well, Bobby?
I didn't take it!
He did too!
He did not!
[The kids argue]
CUT!
[Mike is explaining circumstantial evidence]
Circum-special?
No, circumstantial. It means things look different than they really are.
You mean like when a lady puts on false eyelashes?
Well I guess women are okay for some things.
[The Bradys will all go on their first camping trip together]
But mother, us on a camping trip? We've told you it's way worse than death!
Do you expect me to sleep in a tent?
With wild animals?
Girls, we're not going to Africa. We're just going camping.
And camping is for boys!
Camping is for boys and girls. Why, it's so much fun falling asleep on the ground.
On the ground, all those beetles are crawling around. Yuck!
Yeah, yuck!
Why, you haven't got the faintest idea how delightful it is out there under the stars, being lulled to sleep by the sound of crickets, and then awakening in the morning to the smell of bacon frying over an open fire.
How many times have you been camping, Mom?
Well, never, but I've heard about it.
And I've heard about it, too, and you can count me out. [collapses on the bed]
You are counted in, young lady. We have three new brothers and a new father, and if they like camping, we like camping. Now, there'll be no more discussion about it; the decision has been made.
[Carol slams down a sand timer — or hourglass timer — in front of Greg who is on the phone.]
[to Harvey] Hang on a minute. [to Mike and Carol] What gives?
That is how long you are allowed on the phone. And when the sand runs out, it is "Goodbye Charlie".
I am talking to Harvey.
Then it's "Goodbye Harvey"!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Brady Bunch pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.