Hey, nice backpack, Dora the Explorer.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
BBruce
Can you reach your books or do you need a boost, Tiny Tim?
Well, I am killing it in school. I mean, at least in gym. Not so much math, history, social studies, English, lunch.
I cannot believe you forgot where you parked the jet.
Hey, at least I remember important things. Like my wedding anniversary.
You're not married.
Oh, right. Forgot.
Wait a second, it seems like once again something I took for a positive is revealing itself to be a negative. Curse you, switcheroos!
I'm sorry, was that story supposed to be helpful?
It was supposed to be a story. Do whatever the hell you want with it.
Yeah, I took an improv class in fourth grade. And I'll never forget the old improv rule. Yes and... something. I can never remember what goes with yes.
Oh, come on, Prock, it'll be great! Plus, television is the perfect medium to show the world the real me. In regards to the real me, when would we start? I need a nose job, fake contacts, and that plastic surgery that makes you look like a cat. Rawr.
Can you promise this will be classy and dignified and not some cheap reality show?
LGLola Gold
Here's how classy it'll be. People will put it in their Netflix queue, but they're never going to watch it.
EEveryone
Ooh.
Relax, Malocchio. This antidote contains everything wholesome and innocent in the world. Rainbows, cotton candy, children's laughter, panda bears. But mainly chemicals.
Ew, fish penises. It's like a Ukrainian delicatessen.
Stressed out at work? You want to kill your father and sleep with your mother.
RDr. Romano
Well, you just told me about a dream where your mother was a giant pillow that tried to smother you. Then you were at your mother's funeral, opened the coffin, and it was you inside. And then you killed your father and slept with your mother.
That dream could mean anything.
And yeah, sometimes it does bother me. I mean, it's embarrassing. I conjure up a tank to run over a bad guy, and the tank tells me to wipe crumbs from my mouth. On the other hand, I did have those crumbs on my mouth so I would have been embarrassed either way.
Tim, be a dear and fetch another sixer from the upstairs fridge. And grab one for yourself.
Umm, I'm 11 years old.
So? When I was your age, I was working three jobs to support an Irish-Catholic family of 15 people. Taking a long swig from the bottle at the end of the day might have been the only thing that kept me alive.
Heh. Actually, while moderate drinking...
I didn't ask for your life story, kid. Just get the beers.
RDr. Romano
Didn't you have any hobbies as a boy? Sports you played?
Oh, no, Momma said sports were a first-class ticket to life in a wheelchair.
RDr. Romano
Video games?
Momma said games were just a slippery slope to sports.
RDr. Romano
Puzzles?
A hop and a skip to games. And I was not allowed to hop or skip.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Awesomes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.