Sir Alan Sugar quotes from The Apprentice

Sir Alan Sugar

Business starts now!

(He throws two sets of car keys at the candidates. One in Simon's direction and the other in Claire's)

Sir Alan Sugar

(to Alpha) How was the team leader?

Lindi Mngaza: Good.

Sir Alan Sugar: Everybody happy with the team leader?

(slight pause)

Claire Young: We had our ups and downs but overall it was good.

Sir Alan Sugar: Ups and downs? (another brief pause) You think your team worked well for you?

Jenny Celerier: I didn't feel like I had a hundred percent commitment from some of my team.

Sir Alan Sugar:Anybody in particular?

Jenny Celerier: Yes, certainly Sir Alan. Lucinda, most definitely I felt I had an enormous amount of issues with her throught the course of my task.

Margaret Mountford: One of your clients is still looking for some of his clothing I think.

Jenny Celerier: Yes, we had an issue with some lost articles when we returned the items to the...

Sir Alan Sugar: Lost, some stuff?

Jenny Clerier: Yes, we did Sir Alan. Two shirts.

Sir Alan Sugar: You lost the fellow's shirts?

Jenny Celerier: Yes.

Sir Alan Sugar: I bet he was very upset, was he not?

Claire Young: I don't think he'd want us to do his washing again.

(slight pause)

Sir Alan Sugar: No. I tell you what, I'm going to Margaret to deduct £50 off whatever you brought back to compensate this fellow.

(turning to Renaissance)

Gentlemen. Do you think you've taken the ladies to the cleaners?

Much of Renaissance: Yes we do.

Sir Alan Sugar: Who's your team leader?

(Raef puts his hand up and everyone shows him to Sir Alan)

Many of Renaissance: Raef.

Sir Alan Sugar: Good team leader?

(much more enthusiastic response from Renaissance)

Sir Alan Sugar: (clearly surprised about the much more enthusiastic response to Raef than Jenny) Woah! Woah!

Sir Alan Sugar

How was Ian as a team leader?

(long pause)

Ian Stringer: Don't all speak at once, guys.

Sir Alan Sugar

Simon, if I asked you to build me a wall, you'd build me a wall, I'm pretty sure of that. If I asked you to dig me a trench, you'd dig me a trench. But I'm not sure that if I asked you to run my investment portfolio, you'd be able to do that very well. I'm sorry my friend, I think you're a little bit out of your depth here. And with regret, you're fired.

*Simon Smith: Thank you for a wonderful opportunity.

Sir Alan Sugar: (Quietly) Okay.

(Simon turns to face Sir Alan once more)

Simon Smith: Thank you Sir Alan. Goodbye.

Sir Alan Sugar

Lucinda, you are a risk manager. What is the risk of you being fired here today?

Lucinda Ledgerwood: The probability is one in three!

Sir Alan Sugar:...What a brainstorm that was.

Sir Alan Sugar

I can tell you Kevin that Clinton Cards, for example, reported that your pitch was dreadful. They found you a bit cocky, they found you preaching to them. Not selling them cards, preaching to them! There was a smell of arrogance about you, they felt. Did anyone else put themselves forward? (Claire and Jenny raise their hands) You two did?

Margaret Mountford: Can I just say that perhaps it was a good thing that Jenny didn't do it? She actually told Clintons that because of environmental concerns she wasn't buying so many cards any more.

Sir Alan Sugar: Is that right?

Jenny Celerier: (proudly) Yes, I did, Sir Alan.

Sir Alan Sugar: How can you make a statement on one hand that "I don't buy so many cards any more," and then come up with the concept, that this is what we should do?!

Jenny Celerier: I really do passionately believe that this is still a viable concept, and that pitched correctly it could...

Sir Alan Sugar: Oh, I'll tell you what, it's beyond my comprehension, this is.

Sir Alan Sugar

Is it right that you went to a Muslim halal butcher and asked him to give you a kosher chicken, and he actually made a prayer over it, is that right?

Michael Sophocles: That's correct, Sir Alan.

Margaret Mountford: And he slaughtered it for you?

Michael Sophocles: That's correct.

Sir Alan Sugar: Are you having a laugh or what? I don't know why you didn't go the whole hog, and find a Roman Catholic priest to take the butcher's confession. You're here because you're supposed to be intelligent people, it's unbelievable! Aren't you embarrassed, Michael?

Michael Sophocles: I am embarrassed, yes, Sir Alan.

Sir Alan Sugar: Do you know what the word L'Chaim means?

Michael Sophocles: I know what the word schmuck means.

Sir Alan Sugar: (repeating the question) No, but do you know what the word L'Chaim means?

Michael Sophocles: No.

Sir Alan Sugar: (shocked) You don't?!

Sir Alan Sugar

You know what, it seems that you hang on every word that I say and turn it on your colleagues. No good, no good. Sorry, same old story. Jenny, you're fired. Goodbye!

(Jenny gets up and leaves)

Right, who's next?

Sir Alan Sugar

Jenny, you are a woman of the world. Slightly older than the rest of the people here.

(Jenny smiles as he says this)

Jenny Celerier: It's my birthday today Sir Alan. I'm thirty-six today.

Sir Alan Sugar: (paying somewhat scant regard) Congratulations. At 36 are you telling me you've never heard of the term "analogy kosher" and you don't know that's associated with Jewish people?

Jenny Celerier: (nodding and shaking her head at the same time) No, Sir Alan.

Sir Alan Sugar

The fundamental flaw here is that the selling approach was wrong, in the sense that you're not selling double glazing.

Michael Sophocles: I didn't sell it like a hard-sell double glazing.

Nick Hewer: Really?

Sara Dhada: We tried our absolute best to sell those cakes, it was really difficult. The first questions, we were asking, "Are you getting married, who are you getting married to? Really interested in their wedding. It is new, it's all edible..."

[Sir Alan winces; Nick and Margaret look at Sara disapprovingly]

Sara Dhada: "...You can do this to it, you can do that to it, you can have different colours put in it, it'll be like a wow factor at your wedding." We explained all these points, and it was so difficult to...

Sir Alan Sugar: Listen, I'll tell you what. If I had been one of the recipients of your sales pitch, if it's anything like what you're doing now, I would have gotten hold of your head and pushed it in the bloody cake!