James McQuillan quotes from The Apprentice

I think he's going to take me into the boardroom and do you know what, I feel bloody hurt. It just shows the gratitude. I honesty feel like I did when my cat died. It's like a hurt inside.

I feel like a monkey learning to use tools.

I did have a bit of bad luck in that everyone I rang up weren't interested or wasn't in. It just seems that if I started a funeral parlour, people would stop dying. That's the sort of bad luck I had today.

(directing the ‘gay’ actors for the Margate rebranding) Not so much of the suggestive licking either…we’re not shooting a porno.

(on how he would have liked to have got through his wife's labour) 'I would have given anything to have had a Playstation with me to kill a bit of time...

(on the benefits of a home birth pool) The lid's open so the baby can jump out.

(on breast-feeding) The mother needs to be happy because if she's a bit anxious there's something in nature that switches off the tap in her breast.

(after thanking Sir Alan he gets up and leaves the boardroom but before leaving he faces Sir Alan and the remaining candidates one last time) It's been brilliant!

Claude, I need to make myself stand out from all those other thousands of people-

Claude Littner

But not by being a prat! I could overlook it, perhaps, if it were an isolated incident. However, you then go on with your crassness. 'Why should you be Sir Alan's next apprentice?' 'I can bring ignorance to the table'.

I can.

Claude Littner

(slight pause) You think it's a quality?

It's a good style of ignorance...

Claude Littner

Oh, don't be daft! I mean it's just...

It's an ignorance about-

Claude Littner

The mistake you're making, James, is that you're trying to defend what's frankly indefensible.

Bloody Hell!

What happened?

Um, how can I put this? I got turned inside out.