The Animals of Farthing Wood · Season 2
(Seeing Fox and Vixen in the distance) My, what miserable looking specimens they are.
At least having their own territory keeps them at a suitable distance from us. I would hate to see our cubs mixing with theirs, wouldn't you?
Ah... As long as they stay there. But just let them put one foot wrong...
(Seeing Scarface and Lady Blue in the distance) It's as if they're keeping us prisoner.
Don't want us poaching on their territory.
But they've got most of the park. We'll starve if we keep to Farthing Land.
That was the deal. No use fighting about it now.
But look at you.
We'll manage.
I'm warning you. One more step...
The Stag didn't mean us to be kept prisoner on our own lands.
We can't come on yours. And you can't come on ours.
But if we don't we'll starve! We can't eat Farthing Wood creatures because of the oath. It leaves us very little.
(indifferently) My heart bleeds for you. (he walks off)
There's one thing you have to learn my dear. My mate is the law around here.
Oh... I thought the Sta-
The Stag may be the king, but Scarface holds the power. No one can better him.
Not even you?
How dare you!
Badger might die!
And not before time.
What was that?
I said... (Clears throat) We all have to go sometime.
Where am I?
In the warden's cottage of course.
What's happened to me? (noticing a bandage on one of his front legs) Did the man do this to me?
Don't you remember what happened?
No! (he tugs at the bandage)
He won't like you doing that. I suppose an enemy hurt you?
I haven't got many enemies. Just humans, and...
But my human looked after you. You should be thanking your lucky stars.
...er, dogs!
Dogs? (he hisses) Now you're talking. Disgusting fawning creatures.
I have news of Badger!
Did you say "Badger"?
Are you the mole from Farthing Wood? Ah... then you are his friend. He sent me with a message; he was injured somehow but now he's quite safe in the warden's lodge.
Oh thank you. Thank you!
He'll be there till he's better. Alright?
Alright?!? It's wonderful! (he sobs)
I thought you liked the badger.
I do. I do!
Then why are you crying? I just told you. He's alright!
That's why I'm crying!
Ugh... inscrutable.
What's going on?
I suppose you're Vixen? You and your stupid oath! (he hisses viciously at Kestrel) I can't walk a step!
You're part of the oath now Cat! From now on, we'll look after you!
I've already sampled your precious oath, thank you very much.
May I offer my apologies. So embarassing!
You meant well Kestrel.
(Hisses) Not to me she didn't. Ouch!
Sorry.
I know. Don't say it. You mean well too (!).
And you can shut up! Call that sympathy?!?
No. I call it plain annoying!
Quick! Take cover! (Mr Fieldmouse and Mr Vole disappear, but Mrs Vole doesn't budge)
I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm on my way home when I hear this horrible din! So, I come to investigate and what do I find? You. Now can I give you a word of advice, Weasel. Instead of winding everybody else up, why don't you just wind down?
In brief Fox I ask you on the oath of Farthing Wood, did you or did you not eat my... mother?
On the oath of Farthing Wood, no. I did not.
Well I don't believe you!
Oh what is the point.
Am I missing something?
Fox stands accused of... of devouring Mrs Vole.
Oh? How's that? I saw Scarface eating her!
She was on Farthing Land. She should have been safe!
Nobody's safe with him around!
Eating mice, are you?
Er, er, yes! Want one?
I prefer live prey.
Ahahaha! Er...
Aren't they Farthing Wood mice? Tut tut tut!
No, and anyway Mr Scarface, sir, they died of a cold so there. Which is more than can be said for the vole you ate!
Ah, so you saw that did you?
Yes I did! And Mr Scarface, I'm afraid I have to tell you that particular vole was a friend of mine - a Farthing Wood vole!
(menacingly) So, what are you going to do about it?
Er... nothing.
Did you happen to tell anyone you saw me eating a Farthing Wood vole Weasel?
Are you quite sure about that?
That's good, because if you had told anyone, Scarface would have killed you. Just like I killed your friend. GOT IT?
You want us... all of us, to all go and live in the warden's cottage?
Yes, look at me! My fur's shiny, I'm well fed...
Not to say fat!
You could be like me!
The old fool's off his trolley!
Gone soft... in the brain.
We couldn't go and live in a house!
No the birds, I'm afraid.
Ah! The Cat. No...
What do you say Fox?
I say you should go home and get some sleep! You'll feel better in the morning.
Oh I see, you think I'm rambling do you? Tch, I don't know why I bothered. Stayed in the warmth, food before me. Well, that'll teach me to think of my so-called friends, didn't even come to meet me.
But... we didn't know you were coming!
Huh!
Badger... where are you going?
Home, like Fox said! To the warden's house! (he leaves)
Poor Badger.
Excuse me, but I think this calls for a general meeting!
What do you want? Are you sick again?
No! I... I've come home!
You're a wild animal. You don't belong here.
You manage!
My kind have learned to purr and rub over man's legs for generations! Could you learn overnight?
But you're my friend! You could teach me!
Oh go home you stupid creature!
Suppose I kept right out of Fox's way, stayed off Farthing Land, you know, I mean I can't tell old Blubot what I don't know can I?
Didn't help you just now. He said "It's your job to know"! I mean, you're supposed to be his spy Weasel.
I know but...
Weasel, I like you. In fact I think you're gorgeous! In fact I'm dotty about you! But if you're going to be silly I'm not going to stay around to see the result! I want to live - even if you don't!
Cowardy cowardy custard!
Did you say the warden's gone?
No... I said the moon was made of green cheese.
(pauses) Is it really?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Animals of Farthing Wood pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
