I'm waiting.
Just say it and she'll go home.
Fine. [pause] You know, you're right, Jackie, the Fonz could beat up Bruce Lee. [winces]
Thank you!
“Battle of the Sexists” · Season 1, Episode 4
In this episode: Eric Forman (3), Michael Kelso (3), Steven Hyde (3), Red Forman (2), Fez (1), Kitty Forman (1), Jackie Burkhart (1)
[The guys have been talking about women and their physical features, but whenever Red walks by, they switch to talking about the Bible.]
Geez, if [Red]'s like this now, he's going to be a total headcase when they shut down the plant. He's just going to be this pathetic guy...
[Red walks in]
[loudly]: ...with breasts the size of watermelons! [pauses] ...Is what Moses said to the Egyptians.
Kelso, go home.
[The guys have been talking about women and their physical features, but whenever Red and Kitty walk by, they switch to talking about the Bible.]
Hey Kelso, quick question. Why can't you date someone a little less annoying?
Like who?
What about Barbara Vanson?
Nah, she's just as annoying as Jackie.
Yeah, but her boobs are huge.
So?
[opens up Playboy] Do you find that annoying?
[laughs] ...Pam Macey! Now she's got some knockers, baby!
True, but they're not bigger than Barbara's.
Yeah, they are.
You're dreaming. It's like comparing... [sees Red walk in] Exodus and Deuteronomy, both of which have taught us very valuable lessons.
Damn dryer's broke. Aw, nuts. I need my vicegrips.
[The guys wait until Red leaves]
Have you seen Pam in a tube top? It's like looking into the Grand Tetons. In a tube top!
Look, the issue isn't, "Are Pam's big?" Right? The issue is, "Are they bigger than Barbara's?" Because Barbara's are bigger than... [sees Kitty walk in] the walls of Jericho, which as we all know came tumbling down, right?! ...Hello, Mrs. Forman.
Hi. Eric, did your father come down here?
Yeah, he's fixing the dryer.
Oh, dear. You know, ever since the plant cut back his hours, he's spent all his time fixing things. Things that don't need fixing! Things I need, things I use, things I love. I gotta go hide the crockpot.
[The guys wait until Kitty leaves]
[to Eric] Sounds like your dad is losing it.
Geez, if he's like this now, he's going to be a total headcase when they shut down the plant. He's just going to be this pathetic guy...[loudly as Red walks in]...with breasts the size of watermelons! [pauses; turns around and sees Red behind him] ...Is what Moses said to the Egyptians.
Kelso, go home.
Donna beat you in basketball?
Is this true, Eric?
Yeah. What? Is that a big deal?
Of course not. Unless Donna happens to be... you know... a girl! [chuckles]
Especially a girl you love!
You know, in my country, if a woman beats you it makes her want you.
Really?
Yes. But this is America, wuss.
Wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss...
Kelso! KELSO! Would you stop that? ...Wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What about Kelso? I mean, Jackie has him totally whipped.
Whipped like the family pig.
I am not pig-whipped. Where do you even get that stuff?
[The guys start impersonating Jackie]
Are you kidding? "Michael, call me at 8:00!"
"Michael, do your Chico impression!"
"Michael, rub oil on my thighs while I spank you!"
[The guys stare at Fez and say nothing]
...Please someone else talk now.
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