[First lines of the series; Some tourists are visiting the Petropolis art museum]
[disguised as a tour guide] And here's Petropolis Museum's most famous possession, the Kruger Rat.
Made of rare ratamantium, legend says that when the full moon hits its emerald eyes, they beam a hypnotic ray that controls the minds of rats.
[dropping in from the ceiling] Precisely why I'm stealing it!
RTRabbit Tourist
Who are you?
Who am I? Simply the most EVIL mind in all of Petropolis!
ETElephant Tourist
Oh, you, uh, Dr. Destruction?
HTHippo Tourist
You're the Kanga-rooster. The bouncing bird who lays the exploding eggs!
[sighs in annoyance] I'm Verminious Snaptrap! Dirty rat, and leader of the Diabolical Order of Mayhem! [holds up the D.O.O.M. sign]
TTourists
Never heard of you.
Well, you will, for I will control Petropolis, now that I have the Kruger Rat! [knocks off the glass case and steals the artifact]
Think again, Snaptrap! [rips off her disguise and makes a fighting pose] Hyah!
Well, if it isn't special T.U.F.F. Agent Kitty Katswell! [grabs a sword from a suit of rat armor] Ready to lose one of your, nine lives?!
I'd rather use my ten claws!
[T.U.F.F. headquarters; the scientists are doing research tests on Dudley while running on a treadmill with monitoring equipment hooked up to him and chasing his chew toy]
Okay, Keswick. What's up with the dog?
His name is Dudley Puppy, Chief. He's the perfect combination of every breed of dog known to man. The fleet feet of a Greyhound, the sensitive nose of a… [stutters] Bloodhound, with the bravery of a German… [stutters again] Shepherd.
We're secret agents, butt-munch, not superheroes. I speak 120 dialects fluently, mastered all forms of martial arts, and my claws are registered as lethal weapons.
Maybe you should register YOUR BREATH!
Careful, Kitty, he's part-Chinese… [stutters] Fighting Dog.
Beef with broccoli! [flicks Kitty in the nose] Orange chicken!
[sees a note tied to the rock] Hey, there's a note tied to it. [reading the note] "Dearest Kitty, you ruined my life by putting me in prison. But I've escaped, and I'm going to make you pay! Kindest regards, The Cham-ah-lee-on." Who's the Cham-ah-lee-on?
Uh, it's pronounced "Chameleon." He's a criminal genius and a… [stutters] master of disguise.
I still can't believe T.U.F.F. agents get to take vacations. Aren't we supposed to be protecting the world from evil?
Don't worry, Dudley, T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. have a longstanding agreement to take a vacation in the last week of August.
[Cut to D.O.O.M. Headquarters]
We're not taking a vacation!
OFOllie, Francisco, Larry and Skunk
[disappointed] Aww…
But, Snaptrap, I already booked D.O.O.M. timeshare in Acapulco. I wanted to go snorkeling.
You can snorkel in the shark tank, Larry!
Mmm! What are these delicious crumbly things?
[takes out blue cheese] Blue cheese, boss.
Waaah! [he starts puffing up]
Come to think of it, aren't you allergic to cheese?
Well, thank you, Captain Obvious!
[enters T.U.F.F. Headquarters and sees all filed papers piled everywhere and is in a complete wreck] What in blazes?! Have we been attacked by D.O.O.M.?!
No, Chief. We're just a little disorganized since we lost our secretary.
No, we literally lost her. She took a 10-minute break, stuff piled up, and we never… [stutters] saw her again. Rosemary, if you can hear us, shoot up a flare!
This is a nightmare! We've gotta hire a new secretary! (But who?)
So, they need a new secretary, hmm? Now I have the perfect cover to get into T.U.F.F.! [disguises himself as a female French poodle] I am now Fifi Ouioui! French poodle secretary! I'll need a convincing French accent. [clears throat] Sacre bleu. Croissant. Eiffel Tower. Perfect! What's not so perfect is that French poodles can't stick to walls! [falls and hits the ground] As they say in France, ow là là!"
[With the Chameleon disguised as Fifi Ouioui, T.U.F.F's new secretary, Dudley quickly falls in love with "her"]
Oh, my gosh. You have a crush on her, don't you?
Oh, yes, you do. You wuv her.
I don't "wuv" her. Just because she's the most gorgeous, amazing, French-- KITTY, I WUV HER! What do I do?! You gotta help me!
[Busy day at T.U.F.F. Headquarters…]
Agent Puppy, we've got trouble. Snaptrap's being released from prison today. [holds up a newspaper of Snaptrap's prison release with the headline reading: "Snaptrap Released!"]
[looking at computer monitor, not noticing] Oh, yeah.
Did you hear me? The most dangerous villain in Petropolis is free!
[stands on his chair, wagging his tail while gazing at the monitor] Come to papa.
Are you surfing meat again?
[The computer monitor shows an image of a T-Bone steak]
Who, me? No. That would be insensitive to Agent Bossy.
[Agent Bossy moos, then the lights go out, and a feed of Snaptrap is displayed on all monitors]
[in an elegant tuxedo] Greetings, Petropolis! It is I, Verminious Snaptrap!
Whoa. Snaptrap's out of jail?! Why didn't you tell me?!
My lengthy stay in prison has taught me that crime doesn't pay! I also went a bit cuckoo and made a little friend out of soap. [holds up a bar of soap with a feminine face carved into it] Say hello to Vivian!
TUT.U.F.F. Agents
[unenthusiastically] Hello, Vivian.
