Greg Universe quotes from Steven Universe

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Where's this bus taking us?

Wherever we end up. We'll find a way to survive. I've been reading about sustainable living.

Maybe it'll take us to a real apple farm!

What's up with you and apples today?

[They both hear thumping sounds and look out the back window and see Alexandrite is running after them]

Alexandrite

STEVE-E-E-N! [Steven and Connie scream; picks up the bus] You two, come out of that bus this instant!

Aah! Okay! J-just put the bus down first.

[Back at The Crab Shack; the two kids are reunited with their families as they begin to rebuke them]

MDr. Maheswaran

I don't even know where to begin with you, young la--

What were you thinking, running off with Connie like that? You could have gotten yourselves hurt!

Or gotten mangled in traffic.

Or thrown in prison.

Steven, you are in very big trouble, and we have no choice but to punish you.

But...

No dinner for 1,000 years.

(sad expression) 1,000?

We would never starve you, but you will lose your TV privileges… for 1,000 years.

No! The midseason pre-finale of "Under the Knife"! How can you do this to me?!

Greg

Because we love you, Steven.

MDr. Maheswaran

Wow. That was a masterful use of the "because we love you" shutdown. I'm quite partial to the "It's for your own good!" myself.

MMr. Maheswaran

That "1,000 years of no dinner" bit, was pretty funny. [laughs]

All comedy is derived from fear.

MMr. Maheswaran

[laughs] You are too much.

MDr. Maheswaran

I did not know what to make of the two of- Excuse me, four of you, but I see that you are responsible parents. Uh, caregivers? Guardians.

So, I can still hang out with Steven?

MDr. Maheswaran

Sure.

Alright!

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[cut footage to Greg strumming his guitar at the sea with the seagulls]

"Isn't it remarkable, Steven? This world is full of so many possibilities. Each living thing has an entirely unique experience. The sights they see, the sounds they hear, the lives they live... are so complicated, a-and so simple. I can't wait for you to join them."

[the camera then rotates back at Rose]

"Steven, we can't both exist. I'm going to become half of you. And I need you to know that every moment you love being yourself — that's me. Loving you and loving being you... because you're going to be something extraordinary. You're going to be a human being."

Greg

"Hey, Rose!"

"Take care of them, Steven."

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Greg

What's that? I'm missing the fireworks! It's past midnight! How did I get so sucked into this show again?! It's like everything else just disappears! Ugghh!! [leaves]

[grabs his hand] Whoa, whoa, don't go! We're having a really good time! Here, look. I got the two-part Hawaii special.

Greg

But... Steven really wanted me to do New Year's.

He'll be fine! He's Steven, he's tough.

Greg

I wanted to be there!

Here, here, it would've been like this. [shapeshifts into Steven] Whoa, fireworks! [guffaws] Hey, Dad, come on! Now let's watch some Li'l Butler!

Greg

Amethyst, you know how I feel about shapeshifting.

..Geez, sorry! I was just trying to cheer you up. [shapeshifts into Greg, leans on him] Oh, that's right, I forgot, you're sooo sensitive!

Greg

I know you like making me uncomfortable, but it's not funny. I can't stay here and humor you. I have to be there for my son!

[Amethyst goes stiff for a beat before turning back to normal in a fit]

Well, what about me, huh?! I had someone who was always there for me until she started hanging out with YOU!!

Greg

Don't do this, Amethyst. Seriously.

I bet you'd stay for her!

Greg

You wouldn't.

What? Do this? [shapeshifts in Rose Quartz, Greg turns away] Hey, Greg! [laughs, with Steven watching] Turn around! Check it out!

Greg

I know you're doing it! I want to be friends again, I really do! But I can't let you do this to me again!

[runs atop the couch] STOP!!

[Amethyst looks right at Steven as Rose. Steven's eyes widen in horror and shuts his eyes. The television suddenly cuts to static and Amethyst turns back to herself with Greg, terrified]

What are you two doing?! [long beat] ..I get it. It's hard to deal with stuff from the past. You want to put it off because there's tons of it and it's really heavy and... it means a lot to you, so it's hard to let anything go. But you gotta! Because this thing is FULL!! [picks and throws cat carrier] Seriously, when did you even have a cat?!

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Lapis

[appears as a visualization on video] Steven!

Lapis?

Greg

I did it!

I can't believe my flipping eyes!

Everyone, listen up!

Lapis

I hope you're able to hear this. There's a Gem that's looking for you. She even knew your name! I don't know how... I didn't tell her, I swear! She's on her way to Earth... and she's not alone! Steven, Homeworld... it's not the way it used to be. Everything here is so advanced! I can't even understand it. There's no way anything on Earth can stand up to it. Please, don't put up a fight. It'll only lead to devastation!

[Video suddenly cuts to static; The group pauses for a beat]

[worried] It's Peridot. She must be talking about Peridot.

She's coming for us!

Lapis... she sounds so unhappy.

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Maybe when Peridot gets to Earth, she'll see how nice all the people are, and she won't want to hurt anyone.

Greg

You're just like your mother.

Yeah?

Greg

Yeah. But these other Gems aren't like your mother. They're not like Garnet, Amethyst or Pearl—they're not gonna start caring about people now. They didn't the first time they—

The first time they what?

Greg

I mean—it was thousands of years ago! It's— it's not like I was there! [pauses for a beat] Th-the Gems should be telling you all this stuff, but... I get it, I mean—they don't want you thinking of them like that!

Like what?

[Greg is profusely sweating with fear]

Dad, like what?!

Greg

Like aliens, Steven!! Aliens who invaded Earth!!

What..?

Greg

All they do was try to make up for it, but... they just can't forgive themselves! Do you understand? Look, they were doing something awful to the planet, and your mother couldn't stand it anymore. She told me that's why she had to turn on her own kind. She gave up everything just to stop what they started here and drive the invading Gems off of Earth.

So... sh-she saved the world, that's good!

Greg

Uhh, no such thing as a good war, kiddo. Gems were destroyed. People too. In the end, your mother could only save a handful of her closest friends. If it weren't for her shield, man... I don't know.

[Greg looks at teary-eyed Steven for a beat]

Greg

Bu-but hey! Let's look on the bright side! We're gonna drop by that waffle place in a couple miles.

We gotta go back! Turn the van around!!

Greg

No way! The Gems don't want you going back!

I know they're just trying to protect me, but... I have to protect them! I have Mom's shield! They need me!

Greg

I need you too!!

Please, Dad! What if they get hurt?! [Greg is still driving straight] Dad, turn around!! DAD!! [breaks into tears and punches the glove compartment] TURN THE VAN AROUND, PLEASE!!!

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Greg

I saw the spaceship starting to leave and then it crashed and I came back and— [sees Steven's black eye] Ugh, your eye... But you're okay! I guess those jerks were no match for the Crystal Gems!

No way! They were super strong!

Greg

But you were able to beat them back?

No, they totally stomped us! This warrior Jasper was super beefy and knocked me unconscious. Then they abducted me onto the ship because they wanted to take me away forever, and then we crashed the ship and I almost died! [Greg freaks out]

Greg

W-What do they want with you?!

They think I'm Mom.

Greg

Ar-are more Homeworld Gems gonna come after you?!

I— uhh... I don't know. Maybe?

Greg

Steven, I'm supportive and very proud of you... and I'll be right back. [runs into his van] Gotta calm down. Where's my— [brings a series of CDs up front] Where's my relaxing music CD?! This one? [inserts CD; starts blaring loud metal music] Wrong one!! Stop!! Eject!!

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Greg

[turning off the lights after seeing Rose and Pearl fusing into Rainbow Quartz; stoked] I can't believe I got that on video! What on earth was that?!

That was Rainbow Quartz.

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[Greg re-watches Pearl and Rose's fusion dance, practices and falls down]

Greg

Ah, geez! How'd she get her legs to do that? [groans]

Hey! [looks at face-to-face with Garnet] Are you dead?

Greg

Wha? Uh, no, no. I'm alive.

Whoa, cool! [jumps over Greg, runs to the TV] It's us from before!

Greg

Yeah, I was just... trying to get my head around this fusion dance.

A fusion dance ain't about your head! [laughs out loud]

Greg

Wait... you guys are Gems. You gotta help me out here. I need to be able to fuse with Rose!

First, you need a gem at the core of your being. Then you need a body that can turn into light. Then you need the partner who you trust with that light.

Greg

Metaphorically?

Literally.

[whispers] Shh! Come on! I still wanna see him try!

Greg

Ugh, so it's true. I really can't do it. [touches his face] I'm kidding myself with this! I'm never gonna be a Gem... [Garnet looks down and picks up a twig]

Amethyst... give us some privacy! [throws it far away]

YEAH!! [scampers after it]

Let me tell you something, Mr. Universe. I think you can do it, but it won't work if you dance like Pearl. You have to dance like you. You have to fuse your way. Get open. Get honest. Invent yourselves together. [lowers her shades and winks left of her three eyes] That's fusion.

Greg

EYE—think I get it.

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Pearl! Where have you been?!

Looking for Peridot… For a few days straight. Steven, I know I might have… disappointed all of you. I know Garnet's very upset with me. But I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again. [Garnet walks in through the front door] Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? [Garnet says nothing and walks past her; remorsefully] I'm sorry.

Greg

[enters the house with a brochure; excitedly] Who wants to go on a road trip?! Umm… Is this a bad time?

No. Please continue.

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[Steven runs and hides to an edge of the barn; he de-ages into his normal state]

Ohhh, geez! If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi—

[he sees wide-eyed Amethyst and Greg staring at Steven for a beat; he drops a piñata stick]

What are you doing?!

[stammers] U-uh— well, what are [ages back] you doing?

Greg

What are you doing to your body?!

Woah, woah, woah... Have you been stretching yourself out all day?!

No! I was just... slouching.

Greg

Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.

Because, Dad! I can't stay a kid forever! When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!

Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.

Yeah, well, I'm half-human so maybe it works different for me! We'll just have to wait and see, right?!

Greg

[sighs] Steven...

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[Greg, Connie and Amethyst (as a baby car seat for Baby Steven) drive up in his van; Connie waves a maraca trying to calm down Baby Steven]

How can the Gems not know what to do?!

Greg

You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.

But, how do we change him back?!

Greg

I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.

[Connie turns to Baby Steven babbling and crying]

W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.

Greg

Are you sure?

Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? [Baby Steven holds onto her finger; cooing happily]

Greg

Look at that. He finally stopped crying.

Well, that's a start. [Amethyst clears her throat]

Greg

What's up, Amethyst?

Baby Steven needs changin'.

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