Steven! [climbs onto dock and holds his hand] Okay, let me see it. W-? Y-you got them to go away? [Steven smiles] It just goes to show, always listen to me, and never listen to Amethyst.
GarnetIt goes to show, you should have a little more faith in Steven. [Pearl blushes]
Yeah, that would have been a total "cat-tastrophe"!
APAmethyst and Pearl
[sarcastically] Hahahahaha...
But I'm feeling much better "meow"!
[The Gems groan]
What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?
Garnet
Okay, that's enough. [The Gems leave in annonyance]
Wait, l've been comimg up with cat jokes all morning. You guys, l'm "feline" fine. Everything's "purr"- fect!
Looks like we're gonna have to split up.
Right. Steven and I will stay right here where it seems to be safe... while you guys go and solve the mystery of this place.
Wait! I wanna help solve the mystery!
Yeah! Come on, Steven! [picks him up] Let's solve the mystery.
Yeah! Mystery solvers! [Pearl takes Steven]
Nope. No, no, no, no, you two are a disaster waiting to happen.
Garnet
Steven goes with me.
Garnet
But remember — this is a serious mission.
[still being held by Pearl] Understood. Serious Steven... Pearl, can you put me down?
What? Oh, yes, of course. [lets him down]
I need to be standing or else it doesn't work. Serious Steven... activate!! [goes with Garnet]
But this could be the teacups all over again!
Hey! I've put that behind me.
Garnet
We're back where we started.
Whaaat?! [Pearl comes in]
Garnet! There you are! The doors and rooms here make no sense! They all bring you back here! [Amethyst runs out of a door growling and screaming]
Get me outta here! [runs into another door]
There are sixteen doors and we entered from the northeast, and went through three consecutive rooms in a straight line... [Amethyst returns with a bear trap on her head]
Ow! Rrrrr-rah!! [throws bear trap, runs back where she came]
But arrived back here out the southernmost door, which can only mean... W-well, I don't know what it means! I— [cool mist blows out; Amethyst slides along inside a block of ice] This is a death trap!! [tries to break Amethyst free with her spear]
Garnet
We go back in... again, and again, and again, and again.
Garnet
It's okay.
No! No, it's not! You were all right about me! I wanted to do this so bad, but now I feel like I'm gonna throw up. THIS IS JUST LIKE THE TEACUPS!!!
Oh, Steven, I-I didn't really mean that—
WAAAAIT!!! Ah!! Wait, you guys! What if this is just like the teacups? That's why we're getting so lost... That's why I'm feeling so sick! All the rooms are spinning us around so we end up here!
How could you possibly think punching a blood polyp was a good idea?! Look at all the gunk you got on me! And look at Steven! [brief pause; Steven is nowhere to be found]
YYin
He's gone! Gone, gone, GONE!
[rushes back to the gems] It's not so bad once you get use to it! Why? 'Cause you like dogs, princesses, whores, and [in a bossy attitude] To eat my shorts!
He certainly won't brotherfuckin' like it when it hardens!
Uh, what? Uh, I'm gonna go wash. [begins to walk away]
He shouldn't have been so close in the first place. [Steven hardens in place near fridge]
How was I supposed to know they pop? [Steven struggles]
You're always putting us in danger with your little outbursts! [Amethyst ignoring her] Ugh, you are just... so childish!!
Yeah, yeah. Don't forget: reckless, vulgar, "loudmouthed". And that's just what makes me so AWESOME!! RIGHT, GARNET?!!
Garnet
Amethyst... you are a Crystal Gem. You need to act like it. [Amethyst pauses for a long beat]
Fine. [walks through temple door into her room]
I think we really got through to her. [Garnet sighs; she walks to the front door with Pearl behind] Right, Garnet? [she closes door, Steven is still hardened]
Wait! I want to tell you Purple Puma's backstory. He was the wildest cat in the jungle, so wild that the others cats couldn't take it. So she, I mean he went to look for somewhere he fit in, somewhere with other people who felt misunderstood.
That really sounds like Steven. [Lars shushes Sadie]
That's why we're all here. To be wild and free, and body slam each other, and wear cool costumes, and make up nicknames and and uh..so can't we just have this? Can't we just wrestle? [Garnet takes microphone]
Garnet
No. [everyone gasps] Because we are the...Notorious Order of Wrestling Haters.
That's right! Um...we want to stop all wrestling everywhere! Are you going to let us destroy all wrestling?
You gotta save wrestling! Come on! Tiger! Puma! Tiger! Puma!
[about to bubble desert glass] We should've done this in the first place.
[to Lion] So I guess, this is goodbye. We had some good times, but I'm sure you have other magical stuff, to smash with other magical boys. [moving Lion's lips] "I love you Steven. I want to stay with you forever!" [gasp] Really? Guys you hear that?
Are we really going to let him keep that?
Garnet
We kept Amethyst.
[laughs hysterically] Oh, oh ho ho, "kept Amethyst", oh Garnet, that's priceless!
Yay, Lion! [makes Lion wink] Wink!
Teens of Rage, this game is perfect for you! You seem like a Joe Rock kinda gal. His special move is [thinking]... Forward, forward, back, tap towards half circle, medium kick-- Oh wait! Maybe that's an aerial move. Just punch and you'll be fine. [Game antagonizes Garnet]
TRTeens of Rage
Come on punk!
Garnet
[Punches through screen] I did it.
[Nervous] Uh, let's try something else. [Leads her to Punch Buddy] Okay, this is a game you can actually punch. [Game antagonizes Garnet]
PBPunch Buddy
Give it your best shot kid.
Garnet
[Wrecks game] I win again.
PBPunch Buddy
Tell my wife I'm sorry!
[Searching frantically] Uh, uh, um, how about that one? *Points* Meat Beat Mania. There's no violence in this game. Just shake the meat, to the beat. [Garnet begins to play as the game encourages and performs very well]
Awesome, Garnet, you're so good at this. [Laughs] I wonder how the others are doing.
So, was your mission a success?
Garnet
I've located the geode beetles of Heaven and Earth. We should split up to retrieve them.
Well, I'm going with not Pearl.
That's perfect because I don't want go with grammatically incorrect people anyway.
Garnet
You three go together. I go alone.
APAmethyst/Pearl
What?! Why?!
Garnet
The Earth Beetle is at the bottom of the boiling lava lake, and only I can swim in lava. [summons goggles, straps itself] You'll find the Heaven Beetle at the top of the Sky Spire. It's safer.
Ugh! Come on, you two, let's go. [Steven runs with Amethyst and Pearl to the warp pad]
Garnet
Steven, be sure to keep the harmony.
No problem! Today's gonna be all about HAR-MON— [warps in and out] —NYYY—oomph!!
I just can't believe you guys are like a bazillion years old! How do you find a cake big enough for all that many candles? [Pearl and Garnet look confused]
Garnet
We don't really celebrate birthdays.
Garnet
It's not our way.
Well, I can't just ignore this tremesty of unjustice! I pledge that you will have your birthdays, with all the candy, cake and ice cream you've been denied! [Amethyst vomits]
Okay, there's no way you're not gonna love this! [gestures to three kiddie cars, then holds up a kazoo] It's kazoo racers! You get in a car, you play a kazoo! [blows kazoo, then holds up three more] What more could you want?! Dad used to do this for me every year.
[whispering to Garnet nervously] I think this is why aging makes humans die!
Garnet
Steven, thank you for the birthday parties, but I don't think we'll need anymore.
Garnet
Our age is only an illusion, and Pearl's pretty sure this ritual is more for human children.
[still nervous] Nothing against children!
Children? Everyone gets to have birthdays! Seriously, give it a try. You're never too old!
Garnet
We're just too big.
You're not too big! [trying to climb into a car] Y-y-you just get in, and then, uh...
[shapeshifts into a baby, in small war jeep] I can fit! Which way to the baby war? [driving] EAT TREAD, DIRTBAGS!
[after a rapidly-ageing Steven is close to dying with Crystal Gems arguing in tears]
Would you guys just... please... [regresses into young man] control yourselves?! [beat] Uh... oh, no... [regresses into teen] Oh, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have yelled! But I can't stand to see you [transforms to young man] freaking out like this!
Garnet
Steven, you're changing!
Your age is fluctuating! I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind!
STEVEN!! STOP FEELING OLD!!
[regresses into teen] But I wasted your time! [transforms into old man] We all have such little time...
You have to feel like yourself! Sweet and considerate and only occasionally obnoxious!
[regresses into teen] You really think I'm all those things?
Garnet
Yes!
Why else would you throw us all those parties?!
Oh my gosh! You're right! [regresses back, to his old self] I am pretty great.
Oh, Steven! [Pearl and Amethyst rush to hug him] Steven!
Garnet
We'll work on the rest... later. [Steven pulls up his shirt to reveal he still has full grown legs, laughs nervously]
HPHolo-Pearl
"Do you wish to battle again?"
[running around her] Pearl!! That was amazing! You were so cool!
Oh-ho-ho, well... one does try their best.
Will you teach me to sword fight like you?
[chuckles] All right. But we should start with the basics. [clears throat] Initiate training mode. [Holo-Pearl stands]
HPHolo-Pearl
"Training mode initiated. Level one, begin!"
I want you to stand back, Steven, and watch me carefully, okay?
HPHolo-Pearl
"Parry! Parry! Thrust! Parry! Parry! Thrust!"
Do you see what I'm doing with my feet, Steven? [Steven is starting to wind down for a beat] Notice where I keep my center of gravity.
Aw! Can you show me something cool? Like the Boomerang Blade!
Steven... you know that's not a real sword technique!
Boomerang Blade! Boomerang Blade!! BOOMERANG BLADE!!
Steven, these are real sword techniques! Not those silly things from your movies! It's about waiting carefully for the perfect moment to—
HPHolo-Pearl
(SHIK!!) "THRUST!!" [Pearl grunts, Steven gasps]
Garnet
Oh, no...
[angle on Steven with shadows of Holo-Pearl's sword and stabbed Pearl, with the latter dropping her sword]
..Wh-whoopsie-daisy! Steven, it's okay. I'm gonna be just—
[Pearl explodes into a cloud of vapor with her gemstone slumps on the ground]
NNOOOOOO!!! [cradles her gemstone, crying] Pearl?! Pearl!!
HPHolo-Pearl
"Challenger defeated. Level one failed!"
I've got bad news, everyone. You've all been banned from Fish Stew Pizza.
That pizza wasn't even good.
Aren't you guys upset about this?
Garnet
Not at all.
But these are our neighbors!
Garnet
There's nothing we can do about that now.
Now we have to figure out a way to take care of that pufferfish.
What's the point of saving people if they're just gonna ban you from their pizza shops?
Garnet
We don't do it for thanks.
Yeah, see! That's so nice of you, the Pizzas don't even know! If they got to know you they'd see how fun [Amethyst], and smart [Pearl], and mysterious you are [Garnet]!
Garnet
Heh, mysterious.
Hmm. [gasp] I know! I'll throw a little party on the beach in front of the temple! Just us and the Pizzas.
I don't know, Steven. I mean...
Don't worry! I'll take care of everything!
[playing "Golf Quest Mini" as Prof. Sandtraps] "I can't lose! I am the greatest golfer in the UNIVER-R-R-RSE!!!" [imitates explosion sounds; "secret ending unlocked"] All right! Secret ending! [the Gems warp back]
AAce
[in-game] "Project F.L.O.G.? That's 'golf' backwards. [pushes button, enters room with what seems to be a cryogenic capsule] What is this?"
[pops in front of his face] Hey, Steven! Wanna hear about where we've been?
[grunts, moves her hair out of the way] Wait! Wait, hold on!
AAce
[wipes glass] "June 9th, 2014? But that was the day he disappeared."
[Amethyst rolls down in front] Hey!
Garnet
Steven! [places an artifact] Look at this.
It's the Wailing Stone we found!
Garnet
The Wailing Stone that I found.
Isn't it neat? It uses high-frequency soundwaves—
—as a message relay between two fixed points...
Look! You just have to push this!
[it suddenly emits an extremely scathing sound. The game ending continues playing before the TV breaks off in front of Steven. Pearl slams on the knob and stops]
Amethyst, I told you not to turn it on in the house!
[chuckles] Chill out, Pea! It's not like anyone got hurt and Steven loved it! [beat] ..Steven?
THAT WAS THE SECRET ENDING!! Now I have to replay the final dungeon all over again!! It's not fair!! I can't go mini-golfing, I can't play my game, I can't stop going into the bathroom because I ate all that cream corn! So much corn... [sighs] I just wish I had a place for myself. [Steven's gem starts glowing] Huh? My gem! [everyone then looks back; Rose's symbol starts glowing at the Temple Gate]
Rose's door... [unlocking sounds] Steven... your gem is opening your mother's room.
[the symbol grows and envelopes the gate into a doorway]
[walks to the door] Woah...!
PAPearl/Amethyst
Steven, wait!
Garnet
Steven, don't go in there!
It's never about what I wanna do, is it?! Well, now I have a place where I'm going, and YOU—CAN'T—COME!!!
Whoa! What magical place of mysteries is this?
Oh, I'm so glad you asked! This was once a communication hub for Gem-kind, but lately, it's begun transmitting bursts of electromagnetic interference!
Garnet
It's hurting television.
NOOOOOOO!!! I'll save you, television!! Hi-yah! [kicks, pushes a pillar]
[lifts him] Sorry, but we need a Steven at least [shapeshifts into a bigger macho Steven] this strong for this job!
[gasps] It's all the me I could be!
[Amethyst puts Steven down, punches the pillar thoroughly]
Amethyst, we could be here all day taking out each of these pillars individually.
Ugh! I hate it when you're right. You get this look on your face... Yeah, that's the one.
What we need is a well thought out plan—
Garnet
No. What we need is Sugilite. Amethyst, fuse with me.
APAmethyst/Pearl
Whaaaat?!
[Amethyst starts screaming excitedly, Pearl looking fumed]
Yeah! Let's mash it up! Bigger, badder, better! Ohohohohohoh!
Hold your horses! Are... you guys going to become a Gem fusion?!
BBoth
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH—!!!
WAIT!! Garnet, think about this. You and Amethyst can be a little... unstable when your personalities combine. We need to be careful! Fuse with me instead!
Garnet
[touches her shoulder] We don't need to be careful. We just need to be huge.
Oh, yeah! Let's wreck this joint!
Steven Universe · 493 quotes
