D'Vana Tendi quotes from Star Trek: Lower Decks

Man, I'm not cut out for this.

D'Vana Tendi

But you fix the Cerritos all the time.

Yeah, but this is different. We're talking about a fancy cruiser stuffed with fancy monarchs.

I'm going to tell Billups he should use someone else.

D'Vana Tendi

No, you belong there as much as anyone else. You need to get outside your comfort zone.

But I love my zone. It's so comfortable!

Tendi

Good thing safety protocols are on. They... they are on, right?

T'Ana

I don't know. Sure.

Captain Carol Freeman

[cackling in an echoing voice] I am Minooki!

Ensign Beckett Mariner

[annoyed] Oh boy, we got an ancient mask situation here.

Ensign D'Vana Tendi

A what now?

Ensign Beckett Mariner

This is, like, the third time it's happened. Stop touching masks!

Eat a bag of Borg (*****), mother(******)!

Tendi

Huh, I didn't know Doctor T'Ana came in here.

[broadcasting to the entire Alpha Quadrant] Hello, Alpha Quadrant. Independent Captain Nick Locarno here with a message for anyone who feels like an afterthought.

[watching aboard the Cerritos] He looks like Tom Paris.

Boimler

[aboard the Cerritos] I don't see it.

You may have been told scary stories of ships being destroyed these past few months, but that was a lie. They weren't destroyed, they were liberated. They're part of the first totally independent, unaligned fleet in the Alpha Quadrant.

Boimler

[scoffs] Er, the Maquis would like a word.

If you're tired of risking your life for soulless bureaucratic captains who don't even know your name, if you fear following the orders of incompetent commanders who fell into seats of power, if you're stuck on the lower decks, then I invite you to join us in the Detrion system.

They have, like, the same face. They're identical.

Boimler

No, I just don't see it.

Detrion, a forgotten system now protected by my indestructible Trynar Shield.

Tendi

Geez, why is he so mad?

Ransom

[disgusted] Locarno was kicked out of Starfleet. He got one of his squad killed performing a banned flight maneuver, then tried to cover it up.

T'Lyn

Clearly his emotional behaviour conflicts with his culpability.

Dr. T'Ana

Yeah, he's a (bleep)hole.

And in case anyone wants to try and force their way in, I've acquired a little insurance; a black market Ferengi Genesis Device.

Tendi

[horrified] Those can rewrite the atomic composition of entire worlds!

Ransom

He could wipe out life on any planet he chooses!

The man has lost his mind!

The Federation, the Klingon Empire, the Romulan Empire, everyone has to respect Nova Fleet! Speaking of, I have an officer here who knows how to speak truth to power. Beckett, care to tell them what Starfleet's really like?

Oh. [nervously approaches the camera] Er, hey. What up, everyone? I have an important message to all you lower deckers out there... [looks direct into the camera and points at Locarno] THIS GUY SUCKS!

[taken aback] What?!

He's an idiot and his plan's stupid! He's gonna get you all killed because he only cares about himself! [Mariner grabs the Genesis Device and runs]

Stop her! End that transmission!

[proudly] Attagirl!

Dr. T'Ana

Stupid undercover plastic surgery jobs. I didn't go to Starfleet Medical for a costume party.

Ensign D'Vana Tendi

I'm sure we look great.

Dr. T'Ana

I'm a doctor, not whatever the (****) this is.