Brad Boimler quotes from Star Trek: Lower Decks

Brad, I've lost many friends. Some, heroically. Some, tragically. The randomness of death is merely a reflection of the unexpected joys we find in life.

Brad Boimler

So if I spend my life worrying about a meaningless death, I'll never find joy?

I literally just said that.

T'Lyn

It is admirable that you care for the safety of your team, but danger is an accepted risk of Starfleet duty.

Boimler

No, I know, it's not that.

T'Lyn

If you have not been acting in their defense, then what has caused your unpredictable behavior?

Boimler

Last week, I was an ensign with them, and now, randomly, I'm supposed to tell them what to do? What gives me the right to put my peers in a position where they could die?

T'Lyn

Your promotion was not random. I studied your records and mission logs before our departure. The commander was correct to promote you. Your work is exemplary. Look at your team. They deserve your trust, just as Commander Ransom trusted you.

Shaxs

We're in charge of protecting the crew. Sometimes that means grappling with enemy invaders, other times it means protecting your emotional wellbeing. Either way, security has your back.

Brad Boimler

Wow, I didn't know you had such a holistic view of the job.

Shaxs

What, did you think we sat round all day practicing phasering people? Where's the help in that?

Commander Jack Ransom

Mr. Boimler, you'll be heading to Daystrom as well.

[annoyed] Oh no, don't tell me AGIMUS is up for parole as well.

Ransom

No. In extremely suspicious timing, he claims to have knowledge about the Bynar attack, but he's refusing to speak to anyone but you.

Boimler

He asked for me by name?

Ransom

Well, kinda. He said the 'stringy ensign meat pipe' who betrayed him.

Boimler

Ha, joke's on him. I'm a lieutenant junior grade meat pipe now.

[broadcasting to the entire Alpha Quadrant] Hello, Alpha Quadrant. Independent Captain Nick Locarno here with a message for anyone who feels like an afterthought.

[watching aboard the Cerritos] He looks like Tom Paris.

Boimler

[aboard the Cerritos] I don't see it.

You may have been told scary stories of ships being destroyed these past few months, but that was a lie. They weren't destroyed, they were liberated. They're part of the first totally independent, unaligned fleet in the Alpha Quadrant.

Boimler

[scoffs] Er, the Maquis would like a word.

If you're tired of risking your life for soulless bureaucratic captains who don't even know your name, if you fear following the orders of incompetent commanders who fell into seats of power, if you're stuck on the lower decks, then I invite you to join us in the Detrion system.

They have, like, the same face. They're identical.

Boimler

No, I just don't see it.

Detrion, a forgotten system now protected by my indestructible Trynar Shield.

Tendi

Geez, why is he so mad?

Ransom

[disgusted] Locarno was kicked out of Starfleet. He got one of his squad killed performing a banned flight maneuver, then tried to cover it up.

T'Lyn

Clearly his emotional behaviour conflicts with his culpability.

Dr. T'Ana

Yeah, he's a (bleep)hole.

And in case anyone wants to try and force their way in, I've acquired a little insurance; a black market Ferengi Genesis Device.

Tendi

[horrified] Those can rewrite the atomic composition of entire worlds!

Ransom

He could wipe out life on any planet he chooses!

The man has lost his mind!

The Federation, the Klingon Empire, the Romulan Empire, everyone has to respect Nova Fleet! Speaking of, I have an officer here who knows how to speak truth to power. Beckett, care to tell them what Starfleet's really like?

Oh. [nervously approaches the camera] Er, hey. What up, everyone? I have an important message to all you lower deckers out there... [looks direct into the camera and points at Locarno] THIS GUY SUCKS!

[taken aback] What?!

He's an idiot and his plan's stupid! He's gonna get you all killed because he only cares about himself! [Mariner grabs the Genesis Device and runs]

Stop her! End that transmission!

[proudly] Attagirl!