Brad Boimler quotes from Star Trek: Lower Decks

Brad Boimler

We can forget about the party because guess what? We're probably getting arrested instead.

Beckett Mariner

No way, I didn't put on underwear for nothing.

Beckett Mariner

Aw, crates!

Brad Boimler

Hold on, what's in them?

Malvus

Limited edition Commander Data bubble bath

Boimler

You sure this isn't a Lore?

Malvus

Meh, a couple might be Lores.

Brad Boimler

Woah. I've never been on a station this old. It's like a whole city.

Beckett Mariner

Yeah, it's great, but it kind of smells like pee sometimes.

Malvus

I should disintegrate you for stranding me on Ceti Alpha IV which, I'll have you know, is much worse than Ceti Alpha V!

Beckett Mariner

I don't strand people!

Brad Boimler

She stranded me on Rubicon III.

Beckett Mariner

You stranded yourself.

Brad Boimler

Pfft. What about on Axelus?

Beckett Mariner

Ok, yeah, I stranded you there.

Brad Boimler

You call yourselves 'Red Shirts'?

Cool name, right? Makes us sound invincible.

Casey

Hey, Boimler, how often did Riker clean his trombone?

Brad Boimler

Oh, constantly. It was actually kind of disruptive.

Casey

I need to learn to blow something brass.

D'Vana Tendi

What's anomaly consolidation?

Brad Boimler

You get to go around the ship and collect the bridge crew's research materials from their missions!

Beckett Mariner

It's trash day.

Brad Boimler

You can count on me because I'm your captain. Yes, sirree.

Casey

We should mutiny.

Brad Boimler

Are any of you actually going to do something?

Casey

We're doing it! We're inspiring the crew.

Brad Boimler

We are the crew!

Casey

Sorry, you can't come with us. That move you pulled in the mess hall proves you don't belong in the Redshirts.

Brad Boimler

Hey, my friend was in trouble.

Casey

You made a fool of yourself to make a bug laugh. It was shameful.

Brad Boimler

Alright, you know what's shameful? Trying to build a persona by copying other captains. You think Riker did that? You guys are wasting your time on this Redshirt stuff. Be your own captains!

Casey

Cute speech. I'm sure it'll play great on the lower decks.

Beckett Mariner

Boimy's got a phaser rifle! Nice! Now, how are those different from regular phasers?

Brad Boimler

Uh, they take two hands.

Beckett Mariner

I'm okay. It's just a fracture. [shoves it back into place]

Brad Boimler

Just!?! Ugh, I can't even look at it.

Brad Boimler

You've been Boimed.

But, no, you plugged me into the navigation console. I control this ship!

Brad Boimler

Buddy, we're not even near the nav console. All you control is the dimmer switch.

A remarkable creature. Your design very nearly passes as human.

Boimler

I am human...?

Ew! Well, then you need to drink more water, your skin is a mess. But still, I think I should add your biological distinctiveness to our own. It's kind of our thing.

Boimler

Are you sure? Because I've got hay fever and acid reflux; adding me might result in a net negative for the Collective.

Boimler

'Kimarnt, her head cloudy'?

Kayshon

Ah, thank you, Ensign…

Boimler

Boimler. I took a little Tamarian at the Academy.

Kayshon

Oh, 'Unzak and Vhila as children?'

Boimler

Uh, right. Um, 'Karno, in the forest with… Mira.'

Kayshon

…It is hard to lose weight when you can replicate any food you want!