Brad Boimler quotes from Star Trek: Lower Decks

Beckett Mariner

Dude, what is wrong with you?

Brad Boimler

Nothing. I'm just phasing. No biggie.

Beckett Mariner

Disagree. Kind of a biggie.

Brad Boimler

How long is this gonna last?

T'Ana

How am I supposed to know?! You look like a goddamn science project!

Brad Boimler

Nobody wants a sparkly captain!

T'Ana

Oh, alright, alright, calm down. I already alerted Division 14.

Brad Boimler

The time travel police?!

T'Ana

No! D-14 handles unsolvable space illnesses and science mysteries.

Brad Boimler

And they can make me a real boy again?

I must warn you. Stepping aboard this vessel is consent to be surrounded by dark abnormalities, and the clinically obscene.

Brad Boimler

Uh, how long will it take to get to the spa? I wasn't sure how many books to bring.

Do not trouble yourself with the journey. The Farm cures all.

If those freaks think they can mutiny, they're in for a rude awakening!

Brad Boimler

No, no, no! The only reason I told you is so nobody gets hurt! We're all Starfleet. We have to follow the rules!

I am the rules!

Beckett Mariner

Roga Danar? are you nuts? I said who's the all time biggest badass not who's a dude nobody's heard about.

Brad Boimler

Everyone knows Roga Danar.

Beckett Mariner

No they don't.

Brad Boimler

He totally outsmarted Picard, and he has amazing hair.

Beckett Mariner

What about Khan, right? Khan was a genetically engineered super villain! Dude was a space seed!

Beckett Mariner

We'll fake it.'

Brad Boimler

Fake what?!

Beckett Mariner

It!

Brad Boimler

I Think we should do what you want to do, Captain. Captain's choice.

Captain Carol Freeman

I'm not asking you to kiss my ass. Come on. No wrong answers.

Brad Boimler

Well, okay. We could do uh evasive maneuver eighty… eight?

T'Ana

Is he *bleep* serious?

Clar

If need you to tell me that your senior officers are infallible heroes!

Brad Boimler

Well they're not, and that's okay. We all joined Starfleet to dive first into the unknown. We're explorers, of course we don't always know what's going on. Did Picard know about the Borg? Did Kirk know about that giant Spock on Phylos? Did Dr. Crusher know about that ghost in the lamp thing from the Scottish planet that she hooked up with that one time? That whole thing. You clearly want us to say that the captain and her crew messed up, but we simply don't have the full story, and that's the truth! Whatever they did, I guarantee you it was all for good. You have shown no evidence that they're guilty of a crime, in fact, I find you guilty of trying to take them down with this sham of a trial! DRUMHEAD!

Brad Boimler

They'll respond exactly the way they would in real life.

Sam Rutherford

Ah. Hey buddy, how's it going?

Don't talk to me, I'm pissed off!

Sam Rutherford

Whoa! Amazing! We had that exact same conversation an hour ago.

Carol Freeman

This doesn't make any sense. The Pakleds aren't this powerful.

Jack Ransom

I thought they were kind of a joke.

Brad Boimler

Yeah, you guys aren't wrong. Pakleds would fake distress calls so they could steal technology from anyone who showed up to help, but I'm detecting weapons from over thirty different species.

Carol Freeman

Ah, looks like they're not a joke anymore.

Red alert! A Pakled party, and I wasn't invited?

Beckett Mariner

[exhales in relief] Hoo! It's about time you showed up, Will.

Mariner! This makes us even.

Brad Boimler

[to Mariner] You know Riker??

Beckett Mariner

Yeah. Who do you think hooks me up with all my contraband? Dude is flush with Romulan ale and–

I'm sorry, what was that?

Uh, heh...uh, we're still at Red Alert! Target those ships and fire!

We're talking about this later. [Riker sheepishly smiles]

Beckett Mariner

Maybe I should apply to the Sacramento.

Brad Boimler

I don't know. They might be looking for someone a little less criminally insubordinate.

Red alert! I'm starting to think this jam session's got too many licks and not enough comp!

Brad Boimler

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

Brad Boimler

Are you talking about the D? The flagship? They went to different dimensions, they fought the Borg, they insurrected!

They had regular string quartets. Wow, what a rush.