[on Twist] I haven't actually figured her out just yet. She's either sweet and stupid or an evil genius.
S2 E1Back
[in voiceover] Marsha's our landlady and as far as she's concerned, Daisy and me are a professional couple, but that's not really important. Anyway, she's lovely.
MMarsha
FUCK OFF!
So how are you, then, you big bloody man?
I'm good. I'm good. I've just had a few things to work through.
With Sarah?
No, with George Lucas.
[cut to Tim setting fire to a massive pile of boxes labelled "Star Wars Stuff", like Darth Vader's funeral pyre in Return of the Jedi, while "Luke's Theme" by John Williams plays]
Tim, it's been over a year.
It's been 18 months, Daisy. And it still hurts.
Well I didn't think Phantom Menace was that bad.
It's nice to see you, Mike. What've you been up to?
I'm through to the quarterfinals of Robot Wars.
Wow!
But I've had to move out of Mum's place.
Really?
Things have been a bit... difficult. She's been very overbearing and I felt suffocated. I've got a lot to offer the world, and my mum's not ready to accept that yet.
[impressed] Right.
And I shot the cat up the arsehole.
AAgent
Daisy Steiner?
Yes...
AAgent
Are you Daisy Steiner?
No...
AAgent
Do you know where she is?
...No.
AAgent
Do you know where she is?
Why?
AAgent
Miss Steiner is under suspicion of bringing a bag containing sensitive materials into the country.
Sensitive...
AAgent
Can you tell us where she is, Mr. Topp?
...How d'you know my name?
AAgent
It's written on the doorbell.
...Oh yeah.
AAgent
Where is she, Brian?
Brian isn't on the door bell...
They arrived just before you did...
You Lando!
I'm off to point the pink pistol at the porcelain firing range.
Note to self: Shoot first, quip later.
AAgent
Don't even think about leaving the country.
Don't worry. I won't. ...I can't afford it.
S2 E2Change
[Amber has woken everyone up screaming and throwing things out the window]
I'm sorry!
I'm hit!
I'M BLIND!
Buffy...?
[To a Star Wars: The Phantom Menace fan]
You are so blind! You so do not understand! You weren't there at the beginning. You don't know how good it was! How important! This is it for you! This jumped-up firework display of a toy advert! People like you make me sick! What's wrong with you?! Now, I don't care if you've saved up all your 50ps, take your pocket money, and GET OUT!
[The little boy runs out, crying]
What a prick.
BBBilbo Bagshot
I was like you once. Blonde hair. Scraggly little beard. Childlike ears. Full of beans, and spunk. I let my principles get in the way of things. I punched a bloke in the face once for saying Hawk the Slayer was rubbish.
Good for you.
BBBilbo Bagshot
Yeah, thanks. But that's not the point, Tim. The point is I was defending the fantasy genre with terminal intensity, when what I should have said was "Dad, you're right - but let's give Krull a try, and we'll discuss it later." [pause] The Phantom Menace was eighteen months ago, Tim!
I know Bilbo, but... it still hurts, you know? I mean, that kid wanted a Jar Jar doll!
Kids like Jar Jar!
Why?
BBBilbo Bagshot
What about the Ewoks eh? They were rubbish! You don't complain about them!
Yeah but Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like... fuckin'... Shaft!
DWDSS Woman
How long have you been unemployed, Mr Bisley?
[checks watch] About an hour and a half.
DWDSS Woman
Have you been looking for work?
[laughs, then sees she's serious] Um, no.
DWDSS Woman
Why did you leave your last job?
Got fired.
DWDSS Woman
Why?
[nonchalantly] Uh, a difference of opinion...
DWDSS Woman
The Phantom Menace?
[pauses, then, surprised] Yeah...
DWDSS Woman
Didn't you like it?
[cautiously] No...
DWDSS Woman
Well, [taps nose conspiratorially] you leave this with me. I'll get you some money out in the next few days.
So, don't forget to wash your sheets...
Right.
...and your penis.
Okay.
What are we going to do? You're unemployed. I've got no money coming in. How am I going to afford aspirational magazines?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Spaced pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.