Bilbo quotes from Spaced

Bilbo

[Sniffy] He should store his special editions behind the counter, not hide them away at the back of the shop. Man's insane.

Daisy

In the end, our relationship was just like a sandwich toaster. You know, you just forget you've got one. And it just sits there on the top of the cupboard collecting a layer of greasy fudge. And even if you do see it you just assume it's broken, you think if it's working I'd be using it all the time, but you don't and it just sits there. Then one day, you get an overwhelming desire for toasted sandwiches, you know? And you get it down and it works, and you can't believe it, you know? And then you make every kind of toasted sandwich there is, you have toasted sandwich parties. You make Marmite and cheese, chocolate and...

Tim

Pilchards.

Daisy

Banana and...

Bilbo

Acorns.

Daisy

Acorns. And then as quickly as the desire comes, it just goes. And then you put the toasted sandwich maker away. And, you know what?

Tim

What?

Daisy

You don't miss it.

Bilbo

So what you're saying is 'Don't hide the toasted sandwich maker away, use him regularly and you'll get the most out of him.'

Tim

No, she's saying 'Chuck your boyfriend, have a sandwich.'

I was like you once. Blonde hair. Scraggly little beard. Childlike ears. Full of beans, and spunk. I let my principles get in the way of things. I punched a bloke in the face once for saying Hawk the Slayer was rubbish.

Tim

Good for you.

Yeah, thanks. But that's not the point, Tim. The point is I was defending the fantasy genre with terminal intensity, when what I should have said was "Dad, you're right - but let's give Krull a try, and we'll discuss it later." [pause] The Phantom Menace was eighteen months ago, Tim!

Tim

I know Bilbo, but... it still hurts, you know? I mean, that kid wanted a Jar Jar doll!

Bilbo

Kids like Jar Jar!

Tim

Why?

What about the Ewoks eh? They were rubbish! You don't complain about them!

Tim

Yeah but Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like... fuckin'... Shaft!

Bilbo

[Stand-offish] What's Derek like as a boss?

Tim

[Stand-offish] He's okay. Don't fully agree with his policy on vintage comic display.

Bilbo

[Desperate] Look, Tim, I'm sorry I fired you. It was a mistake! Will you come back?

Tim

Oh, why? Things not working out with the new guy?

Bilbo

[Sheepish] You could say that.

Hawk the Slayer's rubbish!

Tim

[Stand-offish] I see.

Bilbo

Will you come back?

Tim

Well, I like it here, Bilbo. What makes you think I want to come back?

Bilbo

This.

Tim

[On machine; sobbing] Look, B-Bilbo, t-this is Tim. Please can I come back?! I don't like it here!

Tim

[Sheepish] You got that, did you?

Bilbo

I would have come in anyway. The place just isn't the same without you there.

Tim

[Warmly] I'm already there.

Bilbo

[Alarmed] What?!

Tim

I mean I'll come back.

Bilbo

Oh, right. Frightened me for a moment there.

Tim

Derek? Babylon 5's a big pile of shit.

Get out!!

[Joyfully] Hooray!