[Amber has woken everyone up screaming and throwing things out the window]
I'm sorry!
I'm hit!
I'M BLIND!
Buffy...?
“Change” · Season 2, Episode 2
In this episode: Tim Bisley (7), Bilbo (4), Daisy Steiner (2), Mike Watt (2), Brian Topp (2), Twist (1)
[To a Star Wars: The Phantom Menace fan]
You are so blind! You so do not understand! You weren't there at the beginning. You don't know how good it was! How important! This is it for you! This jumped-up firework display of a toy advert! People like you make me sick! What's wrong with you?! Now, I don't care if you've saved up all your 50ps, take your pocket money, and GET OUT!
[The little boy runs out, crying]
What a prick.
BBBilbo Bagshot
I was like you once. Blonde hair. Scraggly little beard. Childlike ears. Full of beans, and spunk. I let my principles get in the way of things. I punched a bloke in the face once for saying Hawk the Slayer was rubbish.
Good for you.
BBBilbo Bagshot
Yeah, thanks. But that's not the point, Tim. The point is I was defending the fantasy genre with terminal intensity, when what I should have said was "Dad, you're right - but let's give Krull a try, and we'll discuss it later." [pause] The Phantom Menace was eighteen months ago, Tim!
I know Bilbo, but... it still hurts, you know? I mean, that kid wanted a Jar Jar doll!
Kids like Jar Jar!
Why?
BBBilbo Bagshot
What about the Ewoks eh? They were rubbish! You don't complain about them!
Yeah but Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like... fuckin'... Shaft!
DWDSS Woman
How long have you been unemployed, Mr Bisley?
[checks watch] About an hour and a half.
DWDSS Woman
Have you been looking for work?
[laughs, then sees she's serious] Um, no.
DWDSS Woman
Why did you leave your last job?
Got fired.
DWDSS Woman
Why?
[nonchalantly] Uh, a difference of opinion...
DWDSS Woman
The Phantom Menace?
[pauses, then, surprised] Yeah...
DWDSS Woman
Didn't you like it?
[cautiously] No...
DWDSS Woman
Well, [taps nose conspiratorially] you leave this with me. I'll get you some money out in the next few days.
So, don't forget to wash your sheets...
Right.
...and your penis.
Okay.
What are we going to do? You're unemployed. I've got no money coming in. How am I going to afford aspirational magazines?!
[After Tim has found a new job in a rival comic shop; Bilbo has come in]
[Sniffy] He should store his special editions behind the counter, not hide them away at the back of the shop. Man's insane.
[Stand-offish] What's Derek like as a boss?
[Stand-offish] He's okay. Don't fully agree with his policy on vintage comic display.
[Pause]
[Desperate] Look, Tim, I'm sorry I fired you. It was a mistake! Will you come back?
Oh, why? Things not working out with the new guy?
[Sheepish] You could say that.
[Flash cut to Bilbo's shop]
TSTim's Replacement
Hawk the Slayer's rubbish!
[Bilbo punches him; cut back to the rival comic shop]
[Stand-offish] I see.
Will you come back?
Well, I like it here, Bilbo. What makes you think I want to come back?
This.
[Bilbo produces an answering machine from nowhere and presses play]
[On machine; sobbing] Look, B-Bilbo, t-this is Tim. Please can I come back?! I don't like it here!
[Sheepish] You got that, did you?
I would have come in anyway. The place just isn't the same without you there.
[Warmly] I'm already there.
[Alarmed] What?!
I mean I'll come back.
Oh, right. Frightened me for a moment there.
[Tim wants to get fired from his new job]
Derek? Babylon 5's a big pile of shit.
DDerek
Get out!!
BTBilbo and Tim
[Joyfully] Hooray!
I got me job back.
TMTim and Mike
[Joyfully] Ayyyeee!
I got me own room.
TMTim and Mike
[Joyfully] Ayyyeee!
Where's Brian?
He's standing in the garden with no clothes on.
TMTim and Mike
[Joyfully] Ayyyeee!
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