[Outside Backcountry Adventures]
Here we go guys! Zipliniiin'! [goes into an open-leg stance, makes a fist with his left hand, holding out the thumb and pinkie]
G1Guide 1
[a woman, waiting by a van that has been out earlier in the day] Everyone just step on in the shuttle. [opens the van's sliding door. The zipliners head for it]
How, how long do we have to take the shuttle?
It's about forty-five minutes.
It's a devastating blow. For Kyle, it's almost too much to bear. [a look at Kyle's brain] His brain is already lacking excitement, and now just the word "shuttle" makes Kyle's brain fire neurons [this is shown] that bring up memories of just how lame shuttles can be. [two images of overloaded shuttle buses appear, then footage of the Space Shuttle Challenger going up and exploding, and Kyle is scared]
Well, come on, we don't have a choice. [leads the others to the shuttle van.]
[The shuttle ride, later. It sure is bumpy.]
Alright guys, should be about forty five minutes to the freshest nar nar. Why don't we go around the van and get to know each other a little bit?
M3Man 3
Well my name's Pete Nichols and this is my wife Donna, and uh... make a long story short, we came out here to see our relatives who live down in Moab. They uhhh been livin' there about twenty years now, and uh, long story short, they told us that as long as we were in the Rockies we should try ziplining, so, long story short, we looked around in the newspapers and on the Internet and... on billboooards, and... you know, make a long story short, we found this company and thought we'd give 'er a try, so then we called and, we made a reservation, and that's when, you know, long story short, we just thought- [Cartman begins to mutter angrily]
Alright, remember to keep your clear of the cable and just let your equipment do the work. [a shot of the tour group] Now, when you're about halfway down the zipline, the camera's gonna take your picture, so when I call out "Shockabra!", look up and give the camera a nice "shockabra" [two fists with thumbs and pinkies extended]. Alright, you ready?
Yeah. [Michael shortens the strap between Cartman and the zipline, and holds him up]
Ready to do some ZIPPIN'?
Alright, let's hear you say "Zipliiine!"
Zipliiine. [Michael sends him on his way]
[voice-over] Shockabra! [Cartman holds out his fists as indicated above and the camera takes his picture]
G1Guide 1
Woohoo! Alright, nice zip!
Well? How was it, Cartman?
Totally fuckin' stupid, dude!
[as Kyle is prepped] Oh, really???
Yeah dude, it's fuckin' boring as shit!
Alright Kyle, give me a "Zipliiine!"
Zipline. [Michael sends him on his way]
Shockabra! [does the fists. Kyle does the firsts too and the camera takes his picture, but he's mad]
[being interviewed] It was like having the life sucked out of you. That' all it is, sliding down a cable. Maybe without a tour group it'd be ...kind of fun. But, this was just... a complete disaster.
JJulien
[A live-action segment of the episode begins] (narrating) Four young boys in Colorado are on a trip from Hell. [cut to different shots of the four boys screaming] ...trapped on a forty-two foot power boat [cut to the boat the boys are on] which is only allowed to go five miles an hour.
[angrily] Because we keep getting screwed over by your diarrhea!
[shoots back at Kyle] Well, it’s not my diarrhea's fault that you took us all zip lining, you fahkin’ Jew!
Ziplining was your idea, you fatass!
JJulien
The fourth graders are in a nightmare they cannot escape.
Kenny, whose idea was it to go ziplining- mine or Kyle's?
[unmuffled, nonchalantly] I don't know; I really don't give a shit...
JJulien
For four elementary school boys, an already tragic day becomes a descent into madness on... [cut to a fly-over of the boat as the title appears into view] "I Should Have Never Got on a Goddamn Boat". [cut to more shots of Kenny and Stan screaming]
[notices Cartman drinking another can of Diet Double Dew] Oh no. You're not stinking up the entire boat! You're taking a crap off the side, into the water! [the scene cuts to a watermark saying, "The events in this film took place over 4 hours in the Colorado Rockies", followed by shots of Cartman defecating over the side of the boat, Stan screaming, and Kyle and Kenny vomiting]
