Jodie Dallas quotes from Soap

Mary

Jodie?! What in the world are you doing?

Jodie

Ma...

Mary

Look at you! My wig, my necklace, my best dress-- Oh! You wear that belted!

Jodie

Yes.

Mary

I never thought of wearing it belted. It looks much better that way.

Jodie

Sure. It breaks up the straight line here, and then it just blouses slightly at the waist.

Mary

Well, that's much more slimming.

Jodie

Definitely.

Mary

Jodie, get out of my clothes.

Jodie

Mother! Sit down.

Mary

Jodie! Come on!

Jodie

Mother, how would you like a daughter?

Mary

What are you talking about?

Jodie

Sit down, Mom.

Mary

Jodie, just tell me.

Jodie

I'm thinking of having a sex-change operation.

Mary

[laughs] A sex-change operation. A sex-change operation.

Jodie

Right.

Mary

I better sit down.

Eunice

It's incredible we have something in common.

Jodie

Yeah, we both date guys.

Danny

It's a business trip.

Jodie

Hey come on, Danny. I know what business you're in. We'll get a lawyer. We'll go to the police.

Danny

If we go to the police, I'll be in jail when they kill me. If we get a lawyer, I'll be broke when they kill me.

What can assume from the fact that he was stabbed, strangled, shot, suffocated, and bludgeoned?

Jodie

That he didn't commit suicide.

We can assume that Peter Campbell either had many killers or he had one killer who really hated his guts.

Heinrich

We have precedence for this kind of homosexual behavior. Not in Germany of course. We have no homosexuals in Germany. They are in Austria. Or Switzerland.

Jodie

Where in Switzerland?

Jodie

The door was locked, Burt.

Burt

Of course it was locked. I'm takin' a bath.

Danny

Burt, you've been in here a day and a half now.

Burt

So what are we doing now, timing people in the bathroom?

Carol

And you're Jodie?

Jodie

You sound surprised.

Carol

You're the suicidal homosexual?

Jodie

Do we have mutual friends?

Carol

Well no, no it just says uh-

Jodie

What did you expect? That I'd be in a dress with a noose around my neck?

Carol

I guess what threw me is that you're so adorable.

Jodie

Most suicidal homosexuals are.

Jodie

I don't know what's with you, Carol. I mean we agree we're coming up here as friends. Then you tell me you've rented a two bedroom cottage. We get here and one room, one bed and knowing I'm gay you're absolutely amazed when I don't turn out to be Burt Reynolds.

Carol

I thought you'd be different here. Away from everything, in the country, all this clean air.

Jodie

Clean air? Carol, I'm a homosexual not an asthmatic.

Carol

Jodie, why can't we live together?

Jodie

Carol, I'm gay. Listen the other night was nice. It really was and I've told you that but I'm still gay. Hey listen occasionally I'll have a burrito, I'm not Mexican.

Jodie

[about Mary] I don't know what to do about it.

Burt

Just do it a few more times you'll be hooked - it's like pretzels!

Jodie

I'm not gonna throw up. I never throw up.

Burt

What do you mean "I never throw up"?

Jodie

I never throw up!

Burt

[laughs] Throwing up is not a choice. You don't say "I'm sorry, I don't play tennis and I don't throw up."

Danny

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I bet I can make him throw up.

Jodie

Oh, yeah?

Danny

Yeah!

Jodie

Okay. Take your best shot.

Danny

Okay... picture this: a sack full of worms falls in your mouth...

Bob

[revolted] Stop! Stop!

Danny

I know I could make you throw up. All right, imagine this: a ton of raw liver...

Jodie

Get me a spoon.

Danny

And it's out in the hot sun...

Jodie

Oh, I love it.

Danny

And there's maggots in it and you've gotta eat it.

Bob

[gagging] Oh, god! Stop!

Jodie

See that? I told you, I never throw up. I don't even gag.

Danny

I'll stick my fingers down your throat.