Benson DuBois quotes from Soap

Benson

[visiting Jessica in jail] I'm with the firm of Honeycutt, Pringle, Kaplan, and Black. I'm Black.

Benson

I'll go. My mother always said to me, she said: "Son, look the devil in the eye and meet him straight on. You can't wrestle him to the ground unless you've got ahold of him first!"

Benson

My mother was a babbling fool is what she was! Major crackpot, everyone knew it! She was nuts!

Burt

I just can't believe it. I cannot believe it! I mean, it's just a small, small world. I can't get over it! I mean, my long, lost son from Hawaii comes to Connecticut and winds up teaching my sister-in-law and her daughter tennis.

Benson

Bet that ain't all he teaches!

Burt

And then, and this is really incredible, my sister-in-law and her daughter don't know they have the same tennis teacher. Plus which, he doesn't know they are mother and daughter. And then... and then to top it all off, no one, but no one knows he's my son!

Chester

So what, Burt?

Burt

So, it's a small, small world. And, I can't get over it. Can you?

Chester

Yes.

Jessica

I think that there is a curse on this family.

Benson

Well, if there isn't, there should be.

Eunice

Tell mother I won't be home this evening. I'm flying to Washington to cover Congressman McCallum's press conference.

Benson

And then she's gonna cover McCallum.

Heinrich

You could have killed Peter because you were jealous. He was white. You are black. He had women, youth, freedom. You? You've got an apron, maybe a decent time-step.

Benson

Let me tell you something you little Nazi shrimp. Now you can talk to them any way you want to. But now you talkin' to me, Benson and I personally have had it with your shouting, and your bullying, and your spitting. Nobody here killed anyone... not yet.

Chester

Why are you posing as a lawyer?

Benson

[while visiting Jessica] Cause I couldn't get in to see her as a butler.

Amazing recall, Mr. Benson. Absolutely amazing retention of detail.

Benson

Thank you.

Tell me. Is this some sort of voodoo way of knowing that you people have or what?

I object.

Benson

I do too.

Chester

Oh Benson, I need strong coffee. I was so worried about the trial I didn't sleep a wink last night.

Benson

Me neither.

Chester

You were up worrying too?

Benson

Yup.

Chester

Oh I wish I'd known.

Benson

Yeah.

Chester

Sure. I would've had someone to talk to.

Benson

I wish I'd have known too. Cause that would've put me to sleep.

Jessica

I'm scared, Benson. I mean, every once in a while it just kinda hits me - I'm on my way to the big home for a mur...

Benson

House, house - big house.

Jessica

Yeah, right, for a murder I did not commit. I mean, me, Benson. This is not Barbara Feldon in that movie of the week.

Benson

Eden, Barbara Eden.

Jessica

Right. And here I am and it isn't a movie and it isn't Barbara Eden in the slam, but me.

Benson

Slammer.

Remember, one word, one word from anybody [points a gun at Chester] ...and he dies.

Benson

Anything in particular we'd have to say?