Danny Dallas quotes from Soap

Danny

It's a business trip.

Jodie

Hey come on, Danny. I know what business you're in. We'll get a lawyer. We'll go to the police.

Danny

If we go to the police, I'll be in jail when they kill me. If we get a lawyer, I'll be broke when they kill me.

Jodie

The door was locked, Burt.

Burt

Of course it was locked. I'm takin' a bath.

Danny

Burt, you've been in here a day and a half now.

Burt

So what are we doing now, timing people in the bathroom?

Mary

[about Elaine] Danny, she's awful. She's selfish and sarcastic, pushy, tactless, cruel, and obnoxious.

Danny

And her father will kill me if I don't marry her.

Mary

People can change.

If Al Pacino ever saw you, he'd probably never leave his house again. I mean, why bother?

Danny

Well, I don't know about that.

Believe me.

Danny

[smirks] He is a little short, I hear.

I don't hate you, Danny.

Danny

Well, you give the best damn impression of it I've ever seen.

I know.

Danny

Why do you do that, Elaine? Why do you treat people that way?

It's a long story.

Danny

I got time.

I had a sister, once. She was a couple of years older than me. Her name was Diana. She was bright and beautiful and good and kind. She was one of these people that made everyone around her feel good. When she was sixteen, she was killed in a car accident. The night she died, my father, in his grief said to me: "Why wasn't it you?" So, may mother was dead and my sister was dead and my father, who I loved more than anyone else in the world, wished I was dead... and I got angry. I got angry and cold and mean. And I decided then never to love anyone again.

Danny

Oh, Elaine... I didn't know.

I love you, Danny. And maybe someday, if it's not already too late, you'll love me.

Burt

Life plays funny tricks.

Bob

[to Chuck] Oh, god, he's gonna make a speech. Spare me, please.

Danny

Don't mind him, Burt, he's drunk.

Burt

You see, what happens in life is this: Something bad happens to you and you say, "Oh, god! Look at this bad thing that just happened to me." Then you figure it's over and it will all get good again, but then what happens is another bad thing happens and then you say, "Pfft! That was a surprise. I mean, two bad thing in a row, but I guess that's it for a while, 'cause I just had my quota of bad." And then what happens is that some awful thing happens to you, like everything gets taken away from you, and you say, "Pfft! Well, that's it. I mean there's nothing else that can happen now. I lost everything!" And then, life plays its "funny trick"... you die.

Danny

Life is unfair to do that!

Jodie

I'm not gonna throw up. I never throw up.

Burt

What do you mean "I never throw up"?

Jodie

I never throw up!

Burt

[laughs] Throwing up is not a choice. You don't say "I'm sorry, I don't play tennis and I don't throw up."

Danny

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I bet I can make him throw up.

Jodie

Oh, yeah?

Danny

Yeah!

Jodie

Okay. Take your best shot.

Danny

Okay... picture this: a sack full of worms falls in your mouth...

Bob

[revolted] Stop! Stop!

Danny

I know I could make you throw up. All right, imagine this: a ton of raw liver...

Jodie

Get me a spoon.

Danny

And it's out in the hot sun...

Jodie

Oh, I love it.

Danny

And there's maggots in it and you've gotta eat it.

Bob

[gagging] Oh, god! Stop!

Jodie

See that? I told you, I never throw up. I don't even gag.

Danny

I'll stick my fingers down your throat.