Jessica Tate quotes from Soap

Jessica

Chester, all my life people have always believed me. See I have that kind of face. My mother once said to me "Jessica, with a face like that you could get away with murder."

Jessica

[arriving late in court] We simply could not find a parking spot outside. I thought surely there would be one reserved for the defendant, but there wasn't. Everything was marked "Official Parking Only." And Chester said, "This is just another example of the idiotic inefficiency of the judicial system."

Jessica

[to Mr. Mallu] I'm afraid you'll have to cancel court this morning. I have to take Billy to the pediatrician.

Sex. We also learned it in school. Of course in school they teach us about chickens and fruit flies mating. You know?

Jessica

Chester, what would a chicken see in a fruit fly?

Jessica

I think that there is a curse on this family.

Benson

Well, if there isn't, there should be.

Jessica

I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, I told you I had had an affair. I mean you did know about it.

Chester

But I didn't know who, Jessica. I didn't know who you were having your affair with.

Jessica

Well I should think it would come as a relief.

Chester

A relief?

Jessica

Yes. Doesn't it make you feel better to know I had an affair with someone who's dead? I mean someone who's dead now.

[while questioning Corrine] A lot of people knew you two weren't getting along.

Jessica

Well of course, they weren't getting along, they were living together. I mean who ever heard of people living together and getting along. It's people who don't live together who get along. That's why one hears about so few divorces among them.

Mary

Why in the world are you doing this?

Jessica

Oh Mary, let's face it; being a suspected murderess I am nothing but a burden to Chester and an embarrassment to the entire family. Now if I were needed there, that would be one thing. I mean I would still be a burden and a stigma but I would be a needed one.

Jessica

I'm scared, Benson. I mean, every once in a while it just kinda hits me - I'm on my way to the big home for a mur...

Benson

House, house - big house.

Jessica

Yeah, right, for a murder I did not commit. I mean, me, Benson. This is not Barbara Feldon in that movie of the week.

Benson

Eden, Barbara Eden.

Jessica

Right. And here I am and it isn't a movie and it isn't Barbara Eden in the slam, but me.

Benson

Slammer.

Mary

What's been going on with you three?

Jessica

Well, Eunice is depressed and Corinne is depressed and I was just debating whether or not to join them.

Mary

Sounds like fun.

Jessica

Actually, I think I've been depressed quite a lot lately. I mean, I eat a lot and I just simply cannot sit still.

Corinne

I don't think you're depressed, ma. I think you're horny.

Jessica

Dutch, tell me: did you really kill a man?

Yeah.

Jessica

Dead? You shot him dead?

That's usually what happens in a successful killing.

Jessica

Of course.

You see, what happened is that when I got out of the Navy, I borrowed some money to go into business. The banks all turned me down for a loan, so I went to a local loan company. They gave me $5000 at a very high rate of interest. In the first week, when I couldn't come up with the dough, they broke my fingers. The second week, they broke my nose, two ribs and my knee. Plus the guy who was beating me up had a very bad cold, so I ended up with a terrible cough. The next week, they was gonna break my head, but I convinced them not to.

Jessica

How?

Well, I talked to them for a while and then I shot 'em.

Jessica

I think that should be considered self-defense.

It was, but the guy who owned the loan company turned out to be the Chief of Police.

Chester

It's all lost to me. My past, my future... it's all gone! I try. I try so hard to remember. I can't. I'm so afraid if I don't remember soon, you'll have me put away. You've all been so good to me. I must have been some guy to have such a beautiful bunch of people love me the way you do.

Jessica

Chester.

Chester

It's agony. To know I have a wonderful son and daughters and a wife and not know who they are. Sometimes, I swear... it's almost too much to bear.

Jessica

Oh, Chester. I just know that someday you'll remember.

Chester

Remember what?

Mary

It's pornography.

Jessica

Not only that, Mary, but nobody has any clothes on!

Corinne

He's here because of me.

Jessica

Don't be silly, Corinne, the devil doesn't even know you.

Corinne

It's all my fault. He's here because of me, because I slept with everyone in town.

Mary

Oh Corinne, please. First of all, you did not sleep with everyone in town.

Corinne

Yes, I did.

Jessica

Oh, please. Did you sleep with the mayor?

Corinne

Yeah.

You slept with the mayor?

Jessica

[disgusted] Oh my goodness, the mayor. I voted for him.

Mary

I told you not to vote for him. I told you to vote for Swanson.

Corinne

I slept with him, too.

Mary

You did?

Corinne

Believe me, the best man won.

Accept me now! Do not resist any longer because you cannot succeed. Your soul is mine for eternity. I have won! Give up and come to me.

Jessica

We will never give up. Never! There is not a man or spirit in this world or any other that will break my family. We've lived through too much in our lives already to give it up to you! We've lived through sorrow and separation and death and destruction and we're still together because we love each other and love is what holds us together. So, if you intend to stay, we will fight you to the end and let me tell you, we will fight! And with God's help, you will never have us and you will never have this baby! Never! You have come to the wrong house!