Tony Stonem quotes from Skins

Tony

Effy's different, I sort of own her, 'cause she's my sister. But with you... I just really wanted you there. Then you were, in the car.

Sid

Thing is, Tony, you sort of own me too. Mostly in a good way.

Anthea

I suppose we should congratulate you for getting her clean drugs.

Tony

You think this was me?

Anthea

She was with you.

Tony

I wasn't. I was...

Don't deny it.

Anthea

Tony, she's your little sister.

Tony

I know. I know. But listen, for a second...

Anthea

No. I've had enough of listening to you. We all have. You and your horrid little ways, always at other people's expense.

Sid

Hang on. That's enough.

Anthea

What!?

Sid

He loves Effy. Don't you think this is hard enough?

And who the fuck are you?

Sid

I'm his best friend!

And I'm his fucking father!

Sid

[coldly] I know what you are. [pause] Come on, Tony, we're going. [gets up]

Sid

Tony you're my best friend, but I really don't know what the fuck you're on about most of the time... do you think that matters?

Tony

Sidney, I think on balance... it helps.

Tony

Just you and me, sis.

Effy

Fucking wanker.

Tony

Eff, what are you talking about?

Effy

Michelle.

Tony

I tried.

Effy

No. Wanker.

Tony

I said sorry!

Effy

Wanker.

Tony

Effy. I liked it better when you didn't talk.

Effy

[pause] Wanker.

Eh? What's up with you?

Tony

I had a traumatic subdural haematoma with motor and receptive complications.

Are you mental?

Tony

Yes.

I'd still give you one.

Tony

Hi, Michelle.

Michelle

You dressed as Luke. For her.

Tony

Well, I guess I... did I?

Michelle

Tony, you... [walks away]

Anwar

You think either of them has actually seen Star Wars? You reckon they know Luke's her brother?

Tony

You don't know a fucking thing about me, you sanctimonious cunt. But since we're playing the guessing game, let's make a few assumptions. A divorced, lonely, middle-aged lecturer who lives alone and gets his rocks off--

You are really fucking blowing this...

Tony

--who gets his fucking rocks off trying to sleep with fucking first years. Other hobbies include intimidation and furtive masturbation. I bet you thought you'd died and gone to heaven when you got here, didn't you? Your own office, and all the students you could eat?

Tony

Animus... It means spirit, courage, passion, wrath. This is mine.

  Who the fucking hell do you think you are?

Tony

  I'm a bad dream, mate. I'm you before you shrivelled and died. And I don't wanna go where you've been. So in answer to your earlier question, you should've given me a place here. I'd have been the best student you'd ever had.

What do you think?

Tony

[flicking through a book manuscript] Oh yes, excellent. But... [pauses while the doorman admits two girls into the nightclub]

But?

Tony

The character arcs are immaculately achieved with a good degree of stylistic control. I especially like the doorman with superpowers; vaporising Reeboks? Very nice. [the doorman laughs] But you need to move the climatic development back, so the orgy scene comes before the disembowelling of the Elvic horde. See?

That's it! You've solved it! Oh, have a good one mate. [gives Tony a lollipop and admits him into the nightclub]

Sid

Is effy in?

Tony

(Tony lets Sid in. closes door) upstairs.

Sid

Ta

Tony

You gonna nail my sister? is that it? first my girlfriend, then my sister?

No, I...(thinks) No!

Tony

All right. Just asking.

Sid

Nah, I'll wait till she's 16. Keep it legal, yeah? (walks away)

Sid

He can't do this!

Tony

Are you sure? If we talked to him--

Sid

He's a psycho!

Tony

[calmly] Right.

Sid

Chris is our friend! You know it's our funeral.

Tony

[calmly] Don't take it so personally; he's just throwing his weight around.

Sid

Where are we going, Tone?

Tony

Oh... yeah. [hands Sid an envelope]

Sid

What's this?

Tony

Open it.

Sid

New York? Why would I want to go to New York?

Tony

She's thin. She's blonde. She says [spacey] "wow!" a lot.

Sid

It's over Tone. Me and Cassie are done, you said so yourself.