What do you think?
[flicking through a book manuscript] Oh yes, excellent. But... [pauses while the doorman admits two girls into the nightclub]
But?
The character arcs are immaculately achieved with a good degree of stylistic control. I especially like the doorman with superpowers; vaporising Reeboks? Very nice. [the doorman laughs] But you need to move the climatic development back, so the orgy scene comes before the disembowelling of the Elvic horde. See?
[The doorman takes back the manuscript and flicks through it. He pauses for a second, then has an epiphany]
That's it! You've solved it! Oh, have a good one mate. [gives Tony a lollipop and admits him into the nightclub]
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