Jared Dunn quotes from Silicon Valley

Jared

I'm sorry that you had to witness that scene in there. It probably gave you the impression that the company is in disarray, but I can assure you, there's a very simple explanation for that: it is.

Sorry?

Jared

Yeah, even setting aside our CEO's sexual extortion, adultery, and lowbrow scatalogical vandalism, we're still essentially a criminal operation whose only real product is dangerous malware. [beat] I see you're fluent in Japanese. Are you gonna be comfortable with casual racism?

Richard

So, the guy who just kicked me out of my house now owns 10% of my company?

Technically, he kicked you out of his house. He inherited all of Mr. Bachman's assets including his 10% of Pied Piper.

Richard

By faking his death.

Allegedly! Look, Richie. You didn't actually lose anything here, okay? Bachman is the aggrieved party, and if he is actually still alive, he'll get his 10% back when he shows up. In the meantime, is it really any worse if it belongs to this Yang guy?

Richard

No, I guess not.

So what's your real beef here then, huh, Richie? You got something against him? You don't have, like, a bias against Asians, do you?

Jared

Richard?

Richard

No, I don't! No, I just don't like being kicked out of my house.

By a...

Richard

Nothing. By no one. By any race.

Yeah... I'm hearing something different.

Richard

Guys, it can't be that big of a deal, right?

Dinesh

Why should it be? America loves Christians. Muslims are the enemy.

Jared

Well, that's true in most of America, but not in Silicon Valley, sadly.

Dinesh

"Sadly"?

Jared

You can be openly polyamorous and people here will call you brave. You can put micro-doses of LSD in your cereal, and people will call you a pioneer. But the one thing you cannot be is a Christian.

Gilfoyle

I find their theology to be illegitimate, and it's clear that they are the source of the majority of the world's problems. But, fuck, Richard, even I wouldn't just out a Christian like that.

Jared

[watching himself on TV] Is... is my nose really that big? I mean, I look like an anti-Semitic propaganda cartoon.

Gilfoyle

Yep. But at least when you're sitting with Adrian Grenier, whose face is one of the top faces, well, they'll be cutting from your face to his face. And back to your face... then we'll get to see his face again.