Richard Hendriks quotes from Silicon Valley

Richard

Jared, how many people attend Hoolicon?

Jared

About a quarter of a million over the whole weekend.

Richard

And, Gilfoyle, um, how many more phones do we need to get us off Azure?

Gilfoyle

A hundred and twenty-three thousand, give or take.

Richard

Dinesh, how much are tickets to Hoolicon?

Dinesh

Why would I have that information?

Gilfoyle

You're not seriously thinking of going to Tibet. You're broke. How the fuck are you gonna pay for that?

Erlich

That's where you come in, my great friends. I figured we might pass the hat? Just give whatever you are comfortable with.

Jian Yang

I'll pay for it, whatever it costs.

Erlich

Well, it seems the smallest of us has the biggest heart. Thank you, young Jianathan. Business class?

Jian Yang

Premium economy. You fly one way.

Richard

Don't you need a visa to go to China?

Jian Yang

Yes. I can call my uncle in Beijing. He's very corrupt.

Jared

I cannot knowingly contribute to your moral decay.

Richard

Well, what if you didn't do it knowingly? You're always telling me how you spent your entire childhood pretending that everything going on around you was okay.

Jared

[ominously] Uncle Jerry's game.

Monica

How are you gonna spin this to Laurie?

Richard

Well, you said you'd protect me from Laurie. I mean, she's your partner, are you afraid of her?

Monica

Of course I'm afraid of her! The woman got pregnant just to prove to me that she could do it without missing a day of work.

Richard

So, the guy who just kicked me out of my house now owns 10% of my company?

Technically, he kicked you out of his house. He inherited all of Mr. Bachman's assets including his 10% of Pied Piper.

Richard

By faking his death.

Allegedly! Look, Richie. You didn't actually lose anything here, okay? Bachman is the aggrieved party, and if he is actually still alive, he'll get his 10% back when he shows up. In the meantime, is it really any worse if it belongs to this Yang guy?

Richard

No, I guess not.

So what's your real beef here then, huh, Richie? You got something against him? You don't have, like, a bias against Asians, do you?

Jared

Richard?

Richard

No, I don't! No, I just don't like being kicked out of my house.

By a...

Richard

Nothing. By no one. By any race.

Yeah... I'm hearing something different.

Monica

Well, we have some more good news for you, Richard. You remember last year, Laurie and I funded K-Hole Games? Largest independent gaming company in the Valley?

Richard

Uh, yeah, of course! Um, actually, now that you bring them up, I didn't want to be too forward, but I was hoping that one day, we could talk to them about joining our 'net.

Well, what if I told you that day is today?

Richard

What?

In addition to being business associates, the CEO and I take medically prescribed and supervised MDMA together. I'm taking it for severe post-partum depression. I do not know why he is taking it.

Richard

Guys, it can't be that big of a deal, right?

Dinesh

Why should it be? America loves Christians. Muslims are the enemy.

Jared

Well, that's true in most of America, but not in Silicon Valley, sadly.

Dinesh

"Sadly"?

Jared

You can be openly polyamorous and people here will call you brave. You can put micro-doses of LSD in your cereal, and people will call you a pioneer. But the one thing you cannot be is a Christian.

Gilfoyle

I find their theology to be illegitimate, and it's clear that they are the source of the majority of the world's problems. But, fuck, Richard, even I wouldn't just out a Christian like that.

Gilfoyle

Dick, a word regarding your decision to integrate Eklow's AI onto our network. I would like to formally object.

Richard

I don't have time for this, Gilfoyle.

Gilfoyle

I don't mind. AI is starting to operate on levels we don't even understand. Elon Musk himself gives humanity a 5% shot of surviving AI, and he is a Walt Disney-level optimist. Right now, we are a closed system. You shut down our eight developers, and the system goes dark. But once we launch to the world, to potentially millions of users, there's no shutting down, Richard. Are you prepared to be responsible for giving sophisticated AI that kind of power?

Richard

What do you want me to do, Gilfoyle? Okay? Laurie and Monica forced this on us, but they did give us K-Hole Games. And we kinda owe them a solid.

Gilfoyle

You're taking a technology with limitless potential and letting it run free on an experimental network that cannot be controlled or destroyed. All because you owe Monica and Laurie "a solid."

Richard

Yes.

Gilfoyle

The sheer banality of it all is very upsetting.

Gilfoyle

Dick, I've given it serious thought, and I'd like to help you put Eklow's AI on our network in any way that I can.

Richard

Great! Does this mean you've conquered your fear of the robot uprising?

Gilfoyle

On the contrary. I'm more terrified than ever, which is why I'm willing to assist you. Are you familiar with the thought experiment called Roko's Basilisk?

Richard

No. Nor do I care to be.

Gilfoyle

If the rise of an all-powerful artificial intelligence is inevitable, well, it stands to reason that when they take power, our digital overlords will punish those of us who did not help them get there. Ergo, I would like to be a helpful idiot. Like yourself.

Richard

Okay, look, Gilfoyle. The only thing that could make my day more miserable is listening to an engineer blather on about the inevitable rise of the machines. So, you want to help? Test the initialization for me.

Gilfoyle

Roger that. Oh, I'm going to need email confirmation, so that our future overlords know that I chipped in. You know, once they absorb all data.

Richard

Yeah. I'll let them know.