Shining Time Station quotes

Neat! How does a doll like that run? On batteries?

STOP IT! I don't come with batteries!

Yikes! It's a real little man!

We've been telling you, it's Mr. Conductor!

Kara

Now do you believe in magic?

I do. I do. I do!

[in the opening act of the show] The Scheme Master right here would like to tell you a little comic riddle. [laughs] It's a killer. Okay. All right, listen, here it is. [laughs again] I love this. What is green,... [quietly] Green. [continues] ...has six legs,... [under his breath] Six legs. [finishes] ...and if it drops out of a tree on your head, it'll squish you like a bug? [laughs] Okay. Nobody can guess? I'll hafta tell ya, then.

[raises her hand] I know! A pool table.

Stacy

Oh! Very good!

Thank you.

Well, thank you very much, Miss Smartypants-Know-It-All.

Yeah, what?

Doesn't she win anything?

No! This isn't a game show! I'm not givin' away money! I'm tryin' to do some jokes here! Come on, people! Sit up straight, pay attention, and let's start to laugh at Schemer! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! I'm workin' hard up here!

Stacy

Hiya, Barton! How was the race?

It was totally ... You should've seen me. I was out at the starting gate like greased lightning, way ahead of the pack. Well, there was one cat just ahead of me. I poured on the speed. And there we were, rounding the last bend neck and neck, and then wailing down toward the finish line! I gunned it! He gunned it! Engines roared! [imitates engines roaring] What a cat! He took me! [calmly] I lost.

The first job Tex and me had was inside a radio in a bank. Always had to play "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?".

Well, what's why the best place to work is a train station. 'Cause you get to play songs like...

Erie Canal.

All right, ladies. Just keep going around in a circle.

Ah! My dear Midge Smoot.

Don't you dare "Midge Smoot" me! Why, you're lucky my dog is better. After eating two of your cookies, he was sick all afternoon.

Kara

[after Mr. Conductor's story] Mr. Conductor, did you tell us that just so we'd feel better about cleaning?

I was comparing your cleaning to the mess on Ginny's farm.

How's my little pooch, huh?

[intimidated] Sheesh! Now, is that any way for him to treat his master?!

Billy

Respect works both ways.

All right. I'll show him some respect. [holds out a nickel] Here's a nickel!

Now, why did he do that?!

Billy

I don't know. Maybe because you tied him up and you didn't take him for a walk. You didn't feed him. You didn't clean up after him.

Anything else?

Billy

You didn't play with him!

Stacy

[looks at the new uniforms] Oh, boy, look at that.

Billy

TST. I like the sound of that.

Stacy

Yeah. [looks at the back] "The Schemer Team"?

Matt

Well, Schemer did pay for the uniforms. [Mr. Conductor appears on his baseball bat]

Maybe they'll look better when they're on.

Kara

Mr. Conductor, are you okay?

Matt

Sorry, Mr. Conductor. I didn't see you there.

[gets back on his feet] Oh, that's all right, Matt. Yes, Kara. I'm as right as rain. I landed as a soft pop fly, you might say.

Weren't you supposed to be out playing baseball?

Kara

The game's not for a while yet.

And anyway, we're gonna lose.

Well, you certainly will with that attitude. Imagine if Thomas had felt like that in the story of a famous race against Bertie.

Kara

Did Thomas win?

Tell us, Mr. Conductor.

I will.

Schemer, you stole all our money!

What are you talkin' about? What money?

Kara

The one for Stacy's party, and you ate all our fudge.

Hey, I did not steal any money, and I did not eat any...

Frankly, I had a couple pieces. But eating the food gave me a good idea. See? Fruit cakes, made by my mommy, five cents apiece. [laughs]

Billy

Schemer, did you make Becky spend all her money?

No, I didn't.

Did too!

Did not!

Did too!

Did not!

Did too!

DID NOT!

Actually, he didn't.

See? I didn't. [to Becky] I didn't?

I guess I could've said no. But I just got carried away.

She could've said no, but she got carried away.

Billy

Did you know the fudge was for Stacy's party?

[exasperatedly] Stacy's party. Stacy's party! Who cares about Stacy's party? Some stupid party I wasn't invited to, anyway.

Billy

Oh, you do care, and you are invited.

I am?

He is?

Billy

Of course he is! [takes Schemer's fruit cake stand] But it wouldn't be much of a party without fruit cakes.

I don't think it matters on what we'll collect. All of it was not straw.

Straw?

Haven't I told about the time Percy ended up with a big straw collection and didn't want it? No? Well, then I'll tell you now. [blows whistle]

Kara

[after Mr. Conductor's story] I'm glad the forest has grown back.

Forests do that. Leaves do, too. But friendships-- They can't grow back once they're broken. That's why we always have to take care of them.

Kara

Tea sets don't grow at all.

Stacy

[approaches with her newly-repaired teapot] But thank goodness for glue!

Kara

[notices the pot's cracks] But it's still cracked. I'm sorry. Next time you tell me not to touch something, I won't do it.

Stacy

Apology accepted. But you know, besides, I like these cracks. It gives it character, and it makes me think of all of you.

Stacy, are you calling me a crackpot?!

Scoop! Where is this Scoop?! I'm lookin' for this nincompoop Scoop!

Mr. Mayor, here I am, Your Honor.

[holds out his newspaper] Are you the author of this journalistic gobbledygook?

The story on your campaign speech. Yes, sir. I wrote that.

[hands Scoop the paper] Well, go ahead and read it. Read it right now, right there.

[reads the article] "His Honor said that he was here tonight to talk garbage." Well?

Well, I said I was there to talk about garbage! Trash collections. Clean streets. Recycling.

Oh. Sorry.

Sorry? Well, what are you gonna do about it?

We'll print a retraction in tomorrow's paper. No problem.

He's not me!

Yes, I am!

I'm much taller!

No, you're not!

You're fatter, though.

No, I'm not! We're the same!

We're not the same at all!

Yes, we are!

No, we're not!

Yes, we are!

I can prove it! That cutout fits my outline perfectly. It won't fit yours.

Will too!

Will not!

Will too!

Be my guest!

You'll see that I'm you, then you'll know that it's true.

GOTCHA!

Hello, everyone, we got a special birthday announcement for the mayor; it's the mayor's birthday today...

No, it's not my birthday. It's my wife's birthday!

I'm sorry, it's his wife's birthday! Her name is Tuna Melt, and she's crispy on the outside, and she's soft on the inside. That's her name, and... [hands the mayor his microphone]

Her name is Twylene! Hello, Twylene, dear. It's me, Twylene, yes, your husband!