FSFarmer's daughter
No, Daddy, don't hurt him! I love him! Goodbye, Norman! Goodbye!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[fixing up his pants] Yeah... Look at this, Mickey. These pants are fallin' apart, huh?
You know, when I first met you, Kramer, you used to wear jeans all the time.
Yeah, well, I was a different man then.
With a different body.
Hey, I got the body of a... taut, preteen Swedish boy.
Hey, uh... what'd you get there?
I bought Dungarees.
Kramer, they're painted on!
Well, they're slim-fit.
Slim-fit?
Yeah, they're streamlined.
You're walkin' like Frankenstein!
What? They just gotta be worked in a little bit, that's all.
[After George pretends to be an addicted smoker to make Susan cancel the wedding]
Since when do you smoke?
[coughs] I've always smoked.
I've never seen you smoke.
Oh, yeah? Well, I quit smokin.' I [coughs] gave it up for a w- [cough] while, but it was too tough. Y' know, [cough] I haven't got the will power.
I don't like this one bit.
Well[coughs] I can't stop now [coughs] I'm addicted... [coughing, wretching] they got a hold of me.
Well, you are gonna have to quit.
Oh, God! [runs to the bathroom]
I put a lot of thought into this, and I think I would like you to sign a prenuptial agreement.
A pre-nup?
Yeah. [Susan laughs] What's so funny?
Hahahaha... You don't have any money. I make more money than you do. Haha. Yeah, give me the papers. I'll sign 'em.
It was unprecedented. I mean, it was the first truly mutual breakup in relationship history. No rejection, no guilt, no remorse.
You've never felt remorse.
I know. I feel bad about that.
What were you saying to the Rosses over there anyway?
Oh man, I don't know. I told them her death takes place in the shadow of new life. She's not really dead if we find a way to remember her.
What is that?
Star Trek 2.
Wrath of Khan!
Yeah, Kramer and I saw it last night. Spock dies, they wrap it up in a towel and they shoot him out the bowels of the ship in that big sun glasses case.
[somber] It was a hell of a thing when Spock died.
Yeah.
Her bouquet cleaved his hardened shell,
And fondled his muscled heart.
He imbibed her glistening spell,
Just before the other shoe fell.
I can't believe I'm losing Pam!
I know how you feel. For I, too, have a woman for whom I pine.
I thought we were talking about me.
Right.
Anyway, I don't need your help. [turns to leave]
Oh, don't you? Joke boy? You really think you can manipulate that beautiful young woman like the half-soused nightclub rabble that lap up your inane "observations"?
Alright, Newman. What do I have to do to get you to stop pulling the strings for Kramer?
Well, there is a little something you can do for me...
C'mon, out with it.
It's about...Elaine.
Elaine? What does she have to - [pause] Oh no...
You dated her. Give me some inside information. Anything I can use!
[to Jerry, talking about the Bizarro versions of Jerry, George and Kramer] Well, I can't spend the rest of my life coming into this stinking apartment every ten minutes to pore over the excruciating minutiae of every single daily event!
What did you want to see me about, Mr. Leland?
LMr. Leland
Kramer, I've... been reviewing your work... Quite frankly, it stinks.
Well, I ah.. been havin' trouble at home and uh.. I mean, ah, you know, I'll work harder, nights, weekends, whatever it takes..
LMr. Leland
No, no, I don't think that's going to, do it, uh. These reports you handed in. It's almost as if you have no business training at all... I don't know what this is supposed to be!
Well, I'm uh, just--tryin' to get ahead.
LMr. Leland
Well, I'm sorry, but there's just no way that we could keep you on.
I don't even really work here!
LMr. Leland
That's what makes this so difficult.
[George and Jerry are sitting in a booth at Monk’s the day after the party Elaine held that George attended]
So, this, uh, Anna, calls me from out of the blue.
Really? I thought you were re-buffed.
With extreme prejudice.
Maybe Elaine put in a good word for you.
No, see, that’s just the thing- Anna told me that Elaine said I was one of the worst seeds she’d ever seen.
Interesting. She doesn’t care for you, then a stern warning, suddenly a phone call. Seems Elaine’s made you the “bad boy”. And Anna digs the bad boy.
I‘m “the bad boy”. I’ve never been the bad boy.
You’ve been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend…
Yeah. Yes. Yes…
The bad fiancé, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk…
Ok, the point is made!
The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen… [George leaves some change on the table as he leaves] The bad tipper!
I'm sitting at home, reading a periodical, and this is the call I get? My son is a bootlegger? [He hits George in the head]
Ow! Dad...
Who put you up to this, was it her?
All right. Wait a minute. I think you've got it backwards.
My George isn't clever enough to hatch a scheme like this.
You got that right.
What the hell does that mean?
It means whatever the hell you want it to mean.
You sayin' you want a piece of me?
I'd drop you like a bag of dirt.
You want a piece of me?! YOU GOT IT!!!
What happened to my stereo? It's all smashed up.
That's right. Now it looks like it was broken during shipping and I insured it for $400.
But you were supposed to get me a refund.
You can't get a refund. Your warranty expired two years ago.
So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
It's just a write-off for them.
How is it a write-off?
They just write it off.
Write it off what?
Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
You don't even know what a write-off is.
Do you?
No. I don't.
But they do and they are the ones writing it off.
[Jerry is being investigated by Newman for mail-fraud]
Let me ask you this. Don't you find it interesting that your friend had the foresight to purchase postal insurance for your stereo? I mean parcels are rarely damaged during shipping.
Define "rarely".
Frequently.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Seinfeld pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.