Jerry Seinfeld quotes from Seinfeld

George

Jerry, I've been thinking. I've gone as far as I can with "George Costanza".

Jerry

Is this the suicide talk or the nickname talk?

George

The nickname... George, what is that? It's nothing. It's got no snap, no zip. I need a nickname that makes people light up.

Jerry

You mean like Liza?!

George

I was thinking T-Bone.

Jerry

But there's no T in your name. What about G-Bone?

George

There's no G-Bone.

Jerry

There's a G-Spot.

George

That's a myth.

Jerry

Where are you?

Kramer

I don't know

Jerry

What street are you on?

Kramer

[looks around] I'm on First and... First. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe!

Jerry

See ya around, Maroon Golf! Oh and by the way, that was a "I'm not sorry wave"?

What was that?

Jerry

I'm glad I cut you off! Because Black Saab rules! So long, jackass!

Newman

Please! Take me with you! Please!

Jerry

Get off me! You're making me sick! Be a man!

Newman

All right! But hear me and hear me well. The day will come — oh, yes, mark my words, Seinfeld — your day of reckoning is coming, when an evil wind will blow through your little play world and wipe that smug smile off your face. And I'll be there in all my glory, watching, watching as it all comes crumbling down!

George

[as the plane is about to crash] Jerry! Can you hear me?

Jerry

Yeah.

George

There's something I have to tell you!

Jerry

What is it?

George

I cheated in the contest!

Jerry

What?

George

The contest! I cheated!

Jerry

What? Why?

George

Because I'm a cheater! I had to tell you.

Jerry

Great! I won!

Jerry

See, now, to me, that button is in the worst possible spot.

George

Really?

Jerry

Oh yeah. The second button is the key button. It literally makes or breaks the shirt. Look at it: it's too high, it's in no-man's land.

George

Haven't we had this conversation before?

Jerry

You think?

George

I think we have.

Jerry

Yeah, maybe we have.