Lisa quotes from Saved by the Bell

Lisa

By the way, are you married?

By the way, yes.

Lisa

By the way, adios!

Mr. Tuttle

Miss Turtle, what is the first thing we do when we get behind the wheel?

Lisa

Adjust the mirrors.

Mr. Tuttle

Correct. And for what purpose?

Lisa

To check my make-up.

Mr. Tuttle

Miss Turtle, I suggest you study harder, or start practicing how to say "taxi!"

Screech

Once, my dad let me back his car out of the garage. Then he got mad at me.

Mr. Tuttle

Well Screech, your father was probably just nervous.

Screech

Well, he had a right to be - I forgot to open the garage door.

Lisa

I hope he had "dork" insurance.

Lisa, how'd you get tickets to the M.C. Hammer concert?

Lisa

Why?

They're so hard to get; I just wanted to know how you got 'em.

Lisa

I got them from Zack.

You mean he bribed you with them to go on a date with me?

Lisa

Eric, it's not what you think.

Is it true, yes or no?

Lisa

Yes, but you don't understand...

Oh, I understand. So, when you told me you liked me, that was a lie too? Lisa, I never wanna see you again. (walks out of the Max)

Lisa

Eric, wait! Eric, listen to me!

Jessie

Lisa, is that true?

Lisa

(crying) Yes, but when I took the tickets, I didn't like him. Now, I don't like me. (Jessie consoles Lisa)

Kelly

Wow, look at this line.

Lisa

Man, we'll never get tickets to the U2 concert.

Slater

Oh, ye of little faith.

Zack

That's right. Yeah, we told you we had a plan. Hey, have I ever let you guys down before?

Yeah!

Zack

When?

Lisa

The time you snuck us into the drive-in movie in the trunk of your car.

Zack

So I forgot the trunk key. You still got to hear the movie.

Kelly

But it was a Japanese movie.

Zack

Hey, I tried to read the subtitles as fast as I could.

Slater

Wow, Lisa, I just saw you on US Gladiators. Wow, you beat up everybody, including the audience.

Lisa

Nobody messes with Lethal Lisa.

Screech

Lisa, don't drink that! (Lisa spits out her water) It might be poison!

Lisa

You're right. (to Screech) You drink it. (hands the glass of water to Screech)

Screech

(sips the water) Hm. Tastes fine to me; I'll live!

Darn!

Lisa

Hallelujah, we're seniors!

Amen!

Zack

What's wrong, Lisa?

Lisa

This ring put a green stain on my finger!

Zack

Why would it do that?

Lisa

Because it's not real gold, DUH!

Zack

Well, maybe it's just yours. (the rest of the gang reveals green marks after removing their rings) Maybe it's just ours.

There he is!

Zack

Maybe it's just everybody's!

Zack

Wait, I've got it. This is genius. Today, we'll give Screech a surprise party.

Slater

But his birthday was yesterday.

Lisa

That's the surprise.

Zack

Now this will make Bayside history. It won't be just any surprise party. It'll be the most daring birthday party ever!

Kelly

Sounds exciting.

Slater

Will someone shoot her with a tranquilizer dart?

Kelly

Mirror, mirror from the mall, who's the awesomest of them all? (to Lisa) If you say Jessie, I'll brain you!

Lisa

Uh, I pass! Next question, please!

Screech

I wanna announce to one and all that I love the mirror from the mall!

Lisa

And if you touch me, I swear I'll knock you through the wall!

Why don't you get me ginger ale, with a big scoop of peanut butter?

Screech

Ah, that's my favorite combination too.

Lisa

Well, Screech, maybe you're pregnant.

Screech

Oh, don't be ridiculous, Lisa. I'm not even married!

Lisa

Oh, please. You're going gaga over something that burps bugs.

Jessie

I think he looks a little pale.

Kelly

Maybe he's sick.

Zack

Why would he be sick? (Screech walks over) Hey, Screech, come here. Take a peek at Artie. Does he look any different to you?

Screech

No.

Zack

See?

Screech

Except for the fact that he's dead.

Screech

There you are, you butchers! You've totally changed my song!

Lisa

No, we didn't, Screech. It's still about Bayside.

Slater

Yeah, and we used most of the words you did. "The", "and", "it". "Bayside".

Screech

Oh. Well, in that case, it's okay then.