Sam & Cat · Season 1
That snack…that snack she's eating! Is she eating… [grabs the little girl eating bibble, smells her breath]
Bibble!
[Cat lets go, walks backwards screaming]
You want some?
No! Yes! I mean, how much bibble do you have?!
We brought a big tin jug of it…
…from England.
[Cat screams, picks up and hugs both of the little girls]
I'm baaaaaack!! [runs with her jug of bibble to the kitchen] I got bibble! I got bibble!! I'm back and I got bibble!! Woooooooo!!
Did you get my money back?
Yes! At first.
And then what?
And then, they had this big tin jug of bibble which I bought! Where's my spife? [looks and finds her spife] There's my spife! [starts to open the jug of bibble]
Wait, how much did you spend on that can?
The can was free; I just paid for the bibble inside.
How much?
$500! Plus my bike! [points at Dice] Don't judge me. [carries on opening the bibble]
You gave those little Brit brats all Dice's money?!
And my bike! Everybody clear? Everybody up to speed? I hope so 'cause I gotta eat me some bibble! [opens the tin jug to find a load of cotton swabs]
Cotton swabs?!
I fell off my bike, but I don't think I broke any of my parts.
So what do you guys wanna do?
Oh, anything would be lovely.
Lovely.
We could make some tea.
You could do our laundry.
We could play games.
You could rub my feet.
We could sing songs.
While you rub my feet.
Those little girls were supposed to sell me five new Pear Phone sixes. And they sold me rocks. Rocks!
They're nice rocks.
Who cares?
Any rock collector would.
Is that my toothbrush?
Would I have a toothbrush that did this?
[music starts playing from the toothbrush, Cat starts dancing]
[doorbell]
Here, pick a channel. Nothing educational.
[the goat changes the t.v. channel; Sam opens the entrance door]
Yeah?
Let me in.
Why?
Thank you. [watches a goat in the sofa] Ahoy! I knew I smelled an animal.
Ahoy?
You're not allowed to have that beast in this building.
Why are you wearing a cape?
Because I am.
Are you a magician?
No.
Superhero?
No. I wear a cape because I like capes.
Weirdos like capes.
[shows the printed papers] See this here?
No.
This paper.
Did something poop on your forehead?
I command you to listen to me!
[Sam places two donuts on her ears]
This says, "Residents of this building may keep cats or small dogs. No other animals allowed."
Are caped weirdos allowed?
You're new to this building, aren't you?
Kinda.
Well, I happen to be a big deal around here. And you have one day to get rid of that goat.
That's not a goat.
Is, too.
It's a cat.
That's a lie.
It's a small dog.
Another lie!
So you have no friends?
Irrelevant! Sign this, to show that you've been warned about your goat.
I'm not signing anything.
You will sign it! Or I won't leave. [the next scene depicts Dilben with his shirt around his waist and his pants over his head, kicked out of the apartment by Sam] How dare you put my shirt around my waist and my pants around my torso!
Thanks for stopping by.
You give me back my cape!
No.
Why not?!
Because young boys shouldn't wear capes. [closes door]
[leaving] Sherlock Holmes wore a cape.
[someone knocks the door twice]
Come in, Dice.
I'm not Dice. I'm—
Get out.
No. Um, hi, Dilben! Come in. Would you like a muffin?
I spit on your muffins.
You should try butter.
Your goat is still here.
It's not our goat.
We're just babysitting him.
Yeah, right.
Hey, you got another cape.
I wanna speak to your grandmother.
My Nona?
Get her.
She doesn't live here anymore.
Whaaat?
She moved to Elderly Acres.
Yup.
Interesting. And who else lives here with you two?
Nobody.
Delicious.
What are you yammin' about?
Building rules! All apartments must have at least one adult resident. And since you're both in high school, and you're keeping a goat! My father has two reasons to throw you out! [tries to leave the house but Sam interrupts him]
Dilben.
Yeeees.
Before you go… [the next scene shows Dilben with his shirt around his waist and his pants over his head, once again kicked out of the apartment by Sam] Enjoy your Saturday.
I still have one more cape!
Suck a truck. [closes door]
[leaving] I will not suck a truck! Or enjoy my Saturday!
[opens door] Alright, Dilben, you can have your cape back! [Dilben runs to the door trying to get his cape back] Whoops! [closes the door; Dilben fails and leaves]
Call Dr. Stanky.
Dr. Stanky!
Use your phone.
Boys, boys, boys! Fighting is never the answer! Now let's try using our words.
You know what they say, "Easy like a goat."
Who says that?
The goat keepers?
She's always texting me about wazzing.
Sometimes while I'm wazzing.
I thought I told you not to come.
You did.
Then, why are you here?
Oh, because we don't care what you say.
[laughs] She's so disrespectful!
Vice President of what?
I think it's the Vice President of America.
Oh. Do we know what his name is?
Nah, we're just high school students.
In school, we learned the ancient Indians used to weave rugs.
What are you, dumb?
Hey! Weave her alone.
[Laughs] She is all up in your business!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Sam & Cat pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
