Vince McMahon quotes from Royal Rumble

Shawn Michaels and Crush, they're my picks...and Lex Luger.

Make up your mind. Only one man can win.

Last year, two won.

Yeah, that was the first time that ever happened; I would suggest the only time it'll ever happen. Never again will two men go out at the same time, and have their feet touch the floor at the very same time with both feet. I don't think that'll ever happen.

I can't believe we're back where we started!

Never before have the first two individuals who have entered the Rumble lasted to the last two! And Michaels just... Can you believe that? Davey Boy kicked him back into the ring.

You gotta keep your feet on the mat, Shawn.

He's outta here, see ya! [Bulldog swings Michaels back into the ring] And again, though, Davey Boy, the momentum bringing Shawn Michaels back in...[Bulldog clotheslines Michaels over the top rope, seemingly winning the Rumble] Forget about it! Forget about it! Michaels has been eliminated! Yes! Yes, it finally has happened! [Bulldog's music plays] It finally has happened! The British Bulldog will go to WrestleMania and face the WWF... [As Bulldog celebrates in the corner, Michaels nails him from behind, sending him over and onto the floor, winning the Rumble] Wait a minute.

What's the deal?

Wait just a minute!

My prediction is true! They're saying that Shawn Michaels has won the Royal Rumble!

Michaels was eliminated by the British Bulldog! Let's go to the announcer to clear it up.

Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has informed me that only one of Shawn Michaels' feet hit the floor.

What?

[cont'd] Therefore, the winner of the 1995 WWF Royal Rumble: The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels!

Wait a minute, we have a replay. We're told we have a replay. Shawn Michaels, ladies and gentlemen, has won this thing. I can't believe it. Let's go to the replay, let's take a look. [The slow-motion replay from the side shows the British Bulldog clotheslining Michaels out of the ring] Well, there it is, right there, the clothesline, he goes over. He's on the apron, he's hanging onto the ropes, and he's... he's... [Michaels holds onto the ropes, flailing his left leg from one side to the other, only allowing his right foot to touch the floor, which referees Tim White and Earl Hebner see]

One.

One foot, one foot.

[as Michaels finally rests his left leg on the ring, both referees call off the announcement. Michaels rolls back in] Look at that! Whoa, whoa!

One foot. One...foot!

There it is! Two referees! Not one, but two referees.

All right, let's go back, ladies and gentlemen. There you have it! Shawn Michaels, being escorted by Pamela Anderson. And Pamela Anderson will lead Shawn Michaels into the ring at WrestleMania!

She is almost as happy right now as she's gonna look with me later on. Look at her. Well, see? She's gonna have some explaining to do to me later on.

Shawn Michaels, ladies and gentlemen. But Pamela Anderson, she doesn't know what quite to make of Shawn Michaels, her boy toy. She wants to get out of there. Nonetheless, she will escort Shawn Michaels to WrestleMania, and Michaels will face the champion! Can you believe this? Michaels, the first man in, and the last man standing.

[after Goldust reverses a waistlock on Razor Ramon and caresses him, who is instantly freaked out] I can't believe what I just saw.

That was a little different.

Maybe Goldust got what he wanted out of this match already.

Oh no, I think this man is cagey, very crafty

Ten-yard penalty for illegal use of the hands.

Is he gonna check him for a hernia next?

Hunter Hearst-Helmsley covered in slop, Backlund covered in slop, here comes the King, he got some of it too.

There's no place for that stinking slop! I think I'm at a Gallagher concert!

Will it be Yokozuna? Will it be the man they call Vader?

I gotta stick with Vader.

And Savio Vega could very well win this thing.

I learned a lot time ago, McMahon, you never make a redhead mad.

[#24 is Steve Austin] He's the winner right there, McMahon. I pick him.

And there's a good look, ladies and gentlemen, at Steve Austin, known as the Ringmaster, on his way. Another Corporate member of Ted DiBiase's Million Dollar Corporation, and you can bet he's definitely gonna make a difference.

Look at this guy, McMahon. The Ringmaster—close enough to perfect for me. He gets my vote right now. Look at the shape this guy's in, look at how aggressive he is, look at how good he looks, reminds me of me so much.

He is cold and calculating for sure.

[#25 is Barry Horowitz] It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's Barry Horriblewitz.

Call him what you will. Barry Horowitz could very well win this thing—anyone can win.

If a nerd ends up at WrestleMania and gets the World Wrestling Federation Champion, I'm getting back in the ring.

Almost anyone would do anything to win this year's Royal Rumble matchup.

If Horowitz wins this match, I quit. You'll never see me again.

[as Diesel clotheslines Kama out of the ring, eliminating him] It's gonna be Diesel, no doubt about it.

Kama eliminated! It's Diesel, it's Michaels...

NO! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! TWO YEARS IN A ROW! That's impossible, McMahon! Impossible!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 1996 World Wrestling Federation Royal Rumble: "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels!

[over announcement] Shawn Michaels is going to WrestleMania!

How does he do that?!

Ladies and gentlemen, Bret "Hitman" Hart has been disqualified...

Aw, come on.

[cont'd] ...as a result of outside interference by Diesel. Therefore, the winner of this match: the Undertaker!

Diesel coming in, blatantly interfering; the Undertaker wants the WWF Championship around his waist. [On Diesel] Look at that steely cold look on the face.

However, the World Wrestling Federation Championship can not change hands on a disqualification.

Oh, boy.

[as Diesel cracks a little smile] And no one knows that better than that man right there.

Yes, that look says it all.

It does, the Undertaker... [Diesel gives the Undertaker the finger] Wait, look what Diesel just did!

Oh, come on!

The Undertaker had piledrived Bret Hart!

He had him beat!

But you'll never know whether or not Bret would've been pinned by the Undertaker.

Of course he'd have been pinned!

I've been sitting here counting, I'm up to about 54. Why doesn't the referee count Goldust out?

Why don't you ask these questions to Monsoon? He's in charge of the officials. We can't answer those questions, King.

Maybe it's because you would want to be assigned as a guest referee on occasion.

That'd be a good idea.

Yeah, you're right. I'd have already disqualified Goldust.

You'd be the Red Cashion of the WWF.

What? Who?

[as Ahmed Johnson scoops Crush out of the ring] Taking it to Crush, and throwing him out. He's gone! Crush is gone!

Feet didn't hit, did they?

You're right.

That's why the referees are on the outside. No reason for them to be on the inside of the ring.

Both feet- [Johnson leaves the ring (going over the top rope and eliminating himself in the process) to attack Faarooq] wait a minute, wait a minute, Ahmed just eliminated himself! There's Faarooq! Ahmed going after Faarooq! Ahmed eliminated himself, and Crush is in the ring all alone!

He is an idiot.

[Austin eliminates Bart Gunn] The first time Bart held on, the second time he couldn't. And once again, Stone Cold Steve Austin is picking 'em off one at a time.

[as Austin, all by himself, does push-ups in the ring] Look at this. Please.

And he's telling us all he's in great shape. He's in fightin' shape.

He's in great condition, all right.

I'm sure he's been in a few barroom brawls.

[Austin now sits on the top corner] Look at this, patiently awaiting the next individual to come out. You talk about a man with a nasty temperament. [Austin looks at his wrist like a watch] Well, his watch is working as well as ours.

[#13 is Owen Hart] Oh, no, it's Bret Hart's "stinking rotten" brother, as Bret would say...

What?!

...Owen Hart.

You mean the whiner? He whines about everything.

Listen to you guys, he's a Slammy Award winner!