Toxic Rick quotes from Rick and Morty

Yeah, motherfucker, YEAH! Get it! Get some! Right up your fucking bitch ass, you fuck! [to Toxic Morty] Guess who just discovered a new element?! Think you could do that, Morty? You think anyone but me could do that, ever in a billion years?! Do you think if God existed, he could do it?! The answer is no! If God exists, it's fucking ME!

Assessing threat to groin.

Groin System 6000, kill him!

[points at Healty Rick, then back] That... is my groin’s user.

Believe me, I got a lot more use out of that thing than he ever did!

You know what? Not my table. [turns back into buckle]

Remember me?

Didn't you learn last time that you can’t beat me?!

Yeah, I did. And then I learned something else. [pulls out a gun] This. [shoots Toxic Morty in the knee, making him scream and collapse in pain] That bullet is laced with an encrypted nanobotic virus that will disintegrate your Morty in about, ah, twenty minutes.

You think I give a shit?!

I know you give a shit, dummy. Because I know I don’t. Here's another thing I know: the decryption key that neutralizes the virus. You want it? [pulls out two injections attached by a tube] Come and get it. Merge with me, and you’ll know how to save him.

Pfft! Come on, man, I’ve been trapped in your pussy brain for seventy years of delusions, but this is the all-time weakest bluff that I’ve ever-- [Healthy Rick shoots Toxic Morty in his other knee] JESUS CHRIST! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

He’s cutting your time in half. Ten minutes.

What is your problem?!

Oh, I had all my problems removed. My entitlement, my narcissism, my crippling loneliness - my irrational attachments. [Toxic Rick glances at Toxic Morty, his eye twitching] They must be somewhere. They ain't over here, bro.

I'M NOT GOING BACK IN THERE!

Honestly, I don’t care either way. I hate having you in me. And when I say "honestly", you can believe it, because we both know I’m too healthy to lie. Watch. [shoots Toxic Morty in the shoulder]

All right! Knock it off! You’re not impressing anyone! [kneels down and holds Toxic Morty] Morty, not that I give a shit, but are you okay?

Jesus Christ, it hurts...!

Relax, quit your bitching. Y-You’re gonna be fine. Grandpa’s here. [Healthy Rick laughs] You think that’s funny?!

Y-You got to have a sense of humor about these things. Oh, wait, you can’t. You’re literally incapable of seeing the bigger picture. I guess it’s just funny because you’ve never done anything but complain about me being in charge, but if I ever gave you the wheel, we’d be dead in five minutes.

[getting weaker] Ah, Rick...

[smugly] You poor, dumb, sick animal.

Rick...

[storming up to Healthy Rick] AAAAARGH!!! JUST DO IT! JUST DO IT, YOU PIECE OF--

[dancing about] I'm back, baby! Regular Rick! Master of both worlds! Check it out! [farts in Healthy Morty's face] Excuse me. Now we’ll just reverse this hacky toxicity beam. Man, I really overthink shit when I'm angry.