Rescue Me · Season 1
You give that guy a bad nose job, a ranch with some rides on it and Liz Taylor's home number, you're looking at Michael Jackson my friend.
Okay, first of all he's our half brother, okay? So if he's Michael Jackson, you know who that makes us? That makes me Tito and that makes you Jermaine
Why do I gotta be Jermaine?
Cause I'm Tito.
[After Tommy just drank orange juice that had pulp in it]
Since when do you hate pulp?
Ever since they started takin' the time to take the goddamn pulp out. Since then, okay?
Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had a thing with the pulp.
Yeah. I hate all pulp. I hate orange juice pulp. I hate that stupid British band named Pulp. Pulp Fiction. Quentin Tarantino, what's with that goddamn head by the way. Is that not the biggest head in the history of heads? He turns sideways it's like you're lookin' at a map of the New Jersey coastline. And Kill Bill what a piece of shit. And then there's a Kill Bill 2 what's that about? Jesus Christ.
Tommy, the kids.
Kids, when you grow up don't see either one of the Kill Bill's they both suck, okay?
Oh, shit. Sean Garrity readin' a book. That's the first sign of the apocalypse.
[seeing Sean and Mike play Scrabble] Look at this: A meeting of the minds and the minds are a no-show.
[looking at the Scrabble board] Hmm. "Tag." "Arm." "It." "Go." That's great guys.
Why even bother keepin' score?
[placing tiles on the board] F-E-L-L. Read it and weep.
Oh, shit. How many points? [Sean and Mike just stare at each other, Mike takes a little time to figure it out]
Eight.
I don't know if I can believe you or not, Tom. See the Tommy Gavin I used to know was a lyin', cheatin', schemin', brawlin', skirt-chasin' son of a bitch. I looked up to him. You always knew where he stood, but this new Tommy, this, uh, fancy coffee-drinkin', pastry-eatin', kind, sweet, sincere one, uh-uh, Bro, I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.
You mean to tell me she's leaving 60 million dollars to the goddamn cats?!
And the cancer foundation.
I got cancer.
You do?
Cat cancer.
Hey, I've--I've been thinkin' about your nuts. And I think it's gonna be okay. I mean, look at Lance Armstrong. He turned out really well.
Yeah, was that before or after he landed on the moon?
No, Lance Armstrong. The guy who won the Tour de France like 26 times in a row. (Mike is silent) Whoa, holy shit, bro you don't even know what the Tour de France is, do you?
I want to say wine tasting?
I figured you and me we always had a special bond. Backed each other up.
I know. I know.
I figure the only reason that you like me is because I'm the only person the family hates worse than you.
There might be a sliver of truth to that. But you know I love you and Johnny likes you.
Oh, don't pump sunshine up my ass Tommy. Johnny is scared shitless of me. Always was.
I haven't seen you in many, many years. Peggie Sue. I hardly reconized you.
You know what? Why do you gotta call me that name? I hate that name. My name's Maggie.
It's the name your mother and I gave you.
I don't care. It's a stupid name. Just because you and mom were a Buddy Holley fan doesn't mean I gotta be stuck with that stupid name for the rest of my life.
[gasps] You banged my sweet cousin, Angie?
No.
Oh, Jesus.
I banged your sister.
Missy? Franco she was like 17.
I know. I waited a year.
I'm an old man. So they put me in jail. That could be two weeks for all we know.
That could be one week.
Thanks, asshole.
Look, you're not doing this, if this goes down, I'm the shooter.
I had first dibs.
Did you just say dibs?
Seriously, this whole Katy thing is freaking me out. I can't shake it.
So you believe in heaven?
Of course.
With people standing around on clouds all day?
Well, yeah.
With wings?
We---I don't know about wings. That seems a little stupid.
But people standing around all day on water vapor. That's perfectly reasonable?
Look, all I'm saying is that there is a heaven, okay? I've always believe that. What it is exactly, that's up to each individual person. You know? Like, my heaven, for example, I mean, there's clouds.
We've established that.
But there's a lot of downtime, y'know? And you can play video games all day. Oh, and the best part is, if you, like want a Mountain Dew or somethin', you don't have to go and get it and open the can, y'know? You just-- You think it, and then taste just...appears in you mouth, and you're quenched. You know, your thirst.
[After talking to Katy] You had to be there, Lou. It was eerie.
Yeah spooky. Like in horror movies where the little girl's a total freak and kills everyone in the end.
Yeah, and the way she was talking, uh, and her eyes. She didn't blink the entire time that we were with her.
She didn't. I was watching.
You know, guys, she's a little girl whose brother just died. She's dealing with it.
[Sean and Mike enter Katy's room while she's sitting on her bed drawing on a pad using crayons.]
Hi.
Hi.
How are you doing? (He walks towards the bed and sits down next to Katy.)
I miss my brother.
Yeah, yeah, I bet. But you know what, Katy? You just- ah- you just gotta remember that you're gonna- see him again... someday. You know, up in heaven.
[Katy is silent.]
You want to help me out here, say something? Say something. Say something!
Um, you see, Katy, um, where he is right now, there is no pain. He is happy. And he doesn't remember anything about the accident. God makes that all go away.
Is that true?
That's what I heard.
Wow. Wow.
[They turn their attention back to Katy.]
Listen Katy, you gotta know that Connor is fine and he's being taken care of, and you're going to see him again."
No, I won't.
Yes, you will, sweetie, I promise.
No, I won't. Because there is no heaven.
Of course there's a heaven, honey.
Prove it.
[Mike and Sean glance at each other and whisper something.]
Um... See, y-you just have to... believe.
I do believe. I believe there is no heaven, just as there is no god. Human beings know he doesn't exist. We need to feel special, more special than animals and bugs. Because we are scared. We need to think there is someone out there protecting us, watching over us. We're nothing. We come from dirt, and we go back into the dirt.
See ya. (He quickly gets up and leaves.)
Listen, Katy-
Can you please leave me alone now?"
Absolutely. (He gets up and leave.)
[About Tommy]I hope to Christ he doesn't fall off the wagon.
I wouldn't blame the guy if he drove the wagon right through the liquor store window and drank the entire inventory.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Rescue Me pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
