MRMordecai and Rigby
Hey, Margaret.
Hey, is it true? Did you really move out of the house?
Yeah, we did! 'cause Benson got all rulesy!
We had no choice. It was either leave or live with some other dude with rules.
Wow, Mordecai! I didn't know you were such a rebel.
Yep. You know me. Total rebel. [they both laugh]
MMargeret
Well, good night. [almost closes door, but Mordecai stops the action with his foot]
Actually, we don't have anywhere to sleep, so we were hoping you would let us camp out here tonight.
I wish I could, but, my manager has a rule about that kind of thing. [pans over to guy in white shirt. He sticks a paper to the window that reads, "get lost campers"] Sorry, guys.
It's cool. I'm sure we can find some place to crash that isn't so big on rules. Later!
Dude, this is getting intense... [Mordecai is disappointing]
[moans] No! More! RUUUUULES! [zoom out before an earthquake, followed by a gust, occurs, followed by a mysterious laugh]
Hey, guys. Listen, when you've got a minute, I need you to take a look at these.
Sure, Benson. [hands over "Benson's House Rules" book] Oh, the house rules? Thanks, but we already have these.
Uh, no, you don't. Cos I've added a few new ones in there and I'm gonna need you to sign off on them, okay? [leaves]
Aw, man, more rules?! He's gotta be joking!
Alright, let's see. "Rule #114: No feet on the table." [Mordecai and Rigby's feet are on the table, then they take them off, moaning] "Rule #115: No food on the table." [food is seen on the table, so they knock it all off]
"Rule #116: No food on the floor."
WHAT?! That's going WAY too far!! [growls while straining himself to lift the table] Come on, man! Help me flip the table!
No, dude, just chill out. There's only one more new rule left.
[Mordecai flips the page that says "Rule #117: No video games.", then, a shocked look comes to his face as the camera zooms in. Cut into Benson's office]
You can't take video games away from us, man! What're we supposed to do?!
Work. You're supposed to work.
You know what? We're sick of all your rules! "No prank calls, no rock-paper-scissors, no punchies — no unicorns"? What does that even mean?!
These rules are all totally random, Benson, and they're all aimed at us!
That's not true. "Number 68: no harpsichord playing after 10 pm."
[to Mordecai] I actually kinda like that one.
Yeah, but that's the only good one in there. The rest of them are terrible!
Look, I'm doing you a favor. Life without rules is chaos.
Fine, but we're only signing off on the rules we like.
Yeah, like the harpsichord one!
It doesn't work that way! If you can't agree to live by all the house rules, THEN YOU CAN'T LIVE IN THIS HOUSE!!!
Well then, we won't live in this house!
Yeah, cos your rules are wack!
We'll show you. We're not gonna live with any rules at all.
Well, well, well. Wasn't so easy living without rules, was it? [opens book] Wait a minute. One of these rules is missing.
I don't know, there's over a hundred of these things!
Well, then, how do you know it's missing?
[outraged] BECAUSE SOMEBODY RIPPED IT OUT!!!
That's crazy. I wonder which one it is.
NRNo Rules Man
Hmph. Hmph. I don't need those guys, I can play video games by myself. [The ripped page falls onto his lap. It is Rule #117: No Video Games] NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
BTBig Trouble
Nah, I got y'all fools this time, hit it! (V-Tron turns on the radio) (Rapping) You all better watch out, cause Big Trouble's on the mic now, i'll knock all o' your lights out, with my verse, y'all be cursed , blowing up like fireworks. powwwwwwwww!
ADAlpha-Dog
...that's it? Blitz Comet, show this fool how we do.
BCBlitz Comet
(Rapping) Blitz Comet on the scene. You step to me and you gonna get creamed-corn! All up in your teeth, you reek, you're the opposite of chic, ya freak! Your rhymes are all antiques. Nobody wants em, they throw em all away. Right from the get go like your brain is on delay. Matter of fact, yo, you better get a check up. Go ask your doctor, why you be so ugly from the neck UP?
MEMargaret & Eileen
[unimpressed after the movie ends] What?
[amazed] Whoa! That was awesome!
I can't believe you guys think that's cool.
Yeah. That movie was chauvinistic and also inaccurate.
I don't know. I heard that movie was based on a true story.
If this movie has taught us anything, and it definitely has, you only need one thing to get a girl's number… A sweet ride.
I mean, not necessarily. You could just, you know, ask a girl for it, Rigby.
Eileen, don't be so naive, that would never work.
Rigby's right. It's a known fact that wheels make you more attractive.
A known fact! I don't know how many times I've almost gotten a girl's number, then some guy in a muscle car would swing in and totally ruin my game.
[The girls laugh]
Oh, guys. You're kidding, right?
Are you saying you wouldn't give us your number if we pulled up in some cool wheels?
You dorks would never be able to get a girl's number cruising.
[hops onto the table] Let's bet on it!
Dude, Benson! What's the rush? It's not like you have somewhere to be.
Yeah, actually, I do! I do have a life outside of work, you know.
Yeah, right. Where are you gonna go, Benson?
Yeah, where are you gonna go, dude?
Come on, man! Spill it. Where are you going to go?
[Mordecai and Rigby let go of the ladder]
Dude, Rigby! Leave him alone! Can't you tell you're annoying him?
I'm glad you could all join me for brunch today.
Do you even have to ask, Pops? It's to celebrate my amazing streak of good luck.
Yeah, don't you remember last night?
(A flasback is shown of Benson beating Rigby at cards)
Augh! You only beat me last night because of my bad luck.
No Rigby, I only beat you because of my good luck, and it's that luck that makes me trust that we're all going to love this restaurant that none of us have never even been to.
Skips, have you seen Benson?
He's playing cards in my garage. He's convinced he can turn his luck around.
No, he can't. It's not even his luck! We have to stop him. [Benson enters] Benson, I got to tell you something.
Not right now, Mordecai. I'm right in the middle of a hand.
No, Benson! Listen, you shouldn't be playing cards right now!
Okay, so I've had a bad stretch lately. So my wallet and credit cards got stolen. So accounting lost my paycheck. So I can't afford to pay my rent or feed myself. But cards are where I'm luckiest! Cards are my girl! She's never let me down before and she won't do it this time.
Well, you gotta stop playing now because you got nothing left to wager with!
..Actually, Skips, there is one more thing.
[Benson walks back into Skips' garage, then walks back into the room again]
I just lost the park to the guy in the fanny pack.
[The butterfly then lands on a bush. Pops is about to catch the butterfly, when...]
Come on, you know that's not the way you're supposed to do it!
Well, this way is totally faster.
Yeah, cuts the time in half.
But you're actually CUTTING IT IN HALF, you idiots! ( The chainsaw fails to start off screen) Oh, and great, you manage to break the saw in the process! Now, we're gonna have to buy a new one!
[ We cut to Pops in the rose garden, he is drawing a rose on his notebook. He is on the stem, until he gets interrupted for the second time]
What are you guys doing?! Soda?! You can't use soda!
Oh, what, it's too hard to get the hose off the shed?! UNBELIEVABLE!
Well, at least it's diet. Nobody drinks that.
I drink diet. Not only did you guys ruin the hose...
[angrily scribbles his drawing, grunts, and storms away in anger and frustration]
Okay, men, this is the hour of prominence. On my signal, charge! Woooooaahhhh--- [He is interrupted by Benson Yet again]
[outraged, offscreen] YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! [Pops lays back, irritated - Outside, Mordecai is holding something looking like wood] Give me that! What is this, SANDPAPER?! [Looks at the golf cart. It is all scratched up.] You're scratching up the whole thing!
Benson, would you come see me for a moment, please?
MRMordecai and Rigby
Oooooh, somebody's busted!
MRMordecai and Rigby
[Now rapping with taunt] B-b-busted! Benson's b-b-busted!
[Sighs] What is it, Pops? I'm in the middle of something.
Have a seat. [Benson sits down, sighs once more] Do you know why I called you in here?
Did you lose the colonel again? Try under your hat.
[Pops lifts his hat with the colonel inside, then puts his toy army men in the drawer]
It's a problem concerning Mordecai and Rigby.
What else is new? Don't worry, Pops, I'll take care of it.
Then we understand each other?
Absolutely. I've already warned them - one more screw-up and they're both fired.
But... Benson, I was referring to you.
I'd like you to stop yelling at Mordecai and Rigby.
Quite the opposite. It's too negative and bad for morale.
What morale? Those slackers never do anything unless you yell at them.
There's never a reason to yell at anyone.
They give me a million reasons everyday! Ptft, you just want me to be nice to them?
You don't have to be nice. Just don't yell.
[groans] Listen, Pops, I appreciate the concern, but I know how to do my job.
Benson, I think it's clear that my dad puts me in charge of running the park when he's not around, right?
And that means you must do what I say?
And I am ordering you to stop yelling at Mordecai and Rigby.
[ We cut to outside]
Noth-- [quick zoom out] You guys are STILL NOT--?! [ Benson realizes he's angrily yelling, so he talks through his furious teeth]—guys are still not done?
What? You told us to take it nice and easy.
Yeah, I get it now. It takes time to do things right.
You rush, you make mistakes.
[furiously facepalms] That's not the point I was trying to make.
And then we started thinking-why clean something anyways? Dirt is a natural thing. It's like part of life, you know? [Benson turns red and furiously sizzles]
Yeah, and like, what is a hose? Hose...
Hose... [Benson growls furiously, still red]
Yeah, exactly. But when you turn it on... [accidentally sprays water on Benson which Ticks him off] ...Sorry.
(yells furiously, kicks Mordecai and Rigby out of his sight) GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!! (Mordecai and Rigby run away. Pops then appears behind Benson )
Benson, what did we just discuss?
Yeah, but, come on, Pops. They were totally--
Benson, I'm serious about this issue. Now if you yell at them again, I'm going to have to write you up.
[Rubs face and frustratingly growls] Okay, okay. I'll try to get it under control.
(Clock transition to computer room. Benson is on the computer searching "Free anger management tips")
Recite a personal mantra. Omm? What does that even mean? Next. (searches again)
FFitch
Oh, hello, friend! I'm Fitch Munderson. (A dog runs up to him) And this is Kimmy.
Okay, where's this going? (fast-forwards the video)
FFitch
We have a sure-fire way to help you control your anger, for only $60.
Nope. (searches again while the screen is loading, then clicks several times while the screen is still loading) Ugh, come on! Close! (angrily growls) Omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...(sighs) Huh. I guess it works.
(Cut to downstairs. The whole place has been torn apart. Mordecai and Rigby are seen searching for something)
Hey, Benson. Have you seen the keys to the cart?
Omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...omm...
We can't find them anywhere. (Breaks vase) Uh-oh.
(From the window, two people are seen driving the cart)
Never mind. I think I know where they are.
(growling, Now red with tears in his eyes) RRRRRAAAAAAUUUGGGGHHH!!!!!!
MRMordecai and Rigby
AAH! ( The duo then run away)
Benson! I warned you! (Writes on clipboard angrily)
Pops, you're writing me up?
You know what happens next, don't you? ( He angrily hands Benson the paper)
Of course. Verbal warning, write up, fired. But you wouldn't fire me, Pops.
What?! Pops, you can't take this job away from me! It's all I have!
I'm sorry, Benson. If you yell at Mordecai and Rigby again, I'll be forced to fire you.
(Pops leaves. Benson furiously turns red and angrily begins to jump several times while grunting)
Jeez, Benson, try counting to 10. (Benson furiously turns around and angrily grunts) Better make it 100. (leaves)
1, 2... (Cuts to outside) ...7, 8, 9... (Cuts to near the shed) ...75, 76, 77... (Benson suddenly stops and sees Mordecai and Rigby covered in pink paint, laughing)
Oh, hey, Benson! What's up? We're finally painting the shed! (Rigby throws himself on the wall, followed by Mordecai, who ends up going through the wall)
(furiously turns red and angrily growls. He then puts his hands on his face) 78, 79, 80, 81...
(continues counting) 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87...
I dunno. But what do you think he'll do when he gets to a hundred?
MRMordecai, Rigby, and Benson
...88, 89, 90, 91... (Benson stops and angrily growls, put his hands on his face again and then furiously storms off while panting, still red)
MRMordecai and Rigby
...92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99...
( We cut to Benson walking into Corners bookstore. Benson angrily puts the Fitch & Kimmy book on the table, leaving a hot and fiery handprint. The cashier checks and scans the book, then, Benson storms out as the scene cuts to Benson walking to his apartment, room 1635. He then slams the door. Benson inserts the tape into a Walkman and rests on his armchair)
FFitch
(Over the Walkman) The key to managing your anger is control. For example, One should never yell, even if it's to pass the salt.
( The camera Zooms into Benson's eyes. He has a flashback to when he was a child, and his family was all talking loudly and arguing at the dinner table)
BSBenson's Father
Quiet, Benson has something he wants to say.
(embarrassed and blushing) Ahem, Um, pass--
BSBenson's Father
Look here, son! You're never going to get anything in this life if you don't yell for it!
Pass....(loses his temper) PASS THE SALT!
(Benson's dad passes the saltshaker to Benson. Suddenly, an earthquake occurs, showing a giant angry Pops ripping off the roof)
Benson, You're fired! (Points at Young Benson)
NO-O-O-O! (Ripple transition back into Benson in his apartment. Now completely enraged, he furiously steps on and angrily throws the Walkman, breaking a portrait. He then violently jumps and ragefully kicks the TV. We cut to outside, still hearing Benson lividly grunting. He then throws his armchair , which breaks a window and ends up destroyed. Benson looks at himself in the mirror. He's red again, panting.)
Keep it together, Benson. (Looks at the mirror. His eyes are very stressed and menacing) You still got a whole day of work left.
[Skips shuts off the computer, turns it on to find more malware in the computer; the printer explodes with all its paper shooting up the ceiling. Mordecai and Rigby enter]
Skips! What are you doing?!
I was just trying to fix your Error 219!
[gets to computer] Eugh... But it's not a 219 anymore!
Yeah, while you were gone, we messed it up and now it's an Error 220!
Ah, dude, it's even worse now!
Look, Skips, it's fine. We called someone to come fix it.
You what?! Look, guys, I can do this. I just need more time. When is this guy supposed to get here?
Okay, look, I can take care of this. If he gets here before me, stall him.
Okay, okay! [Skips leaves]
Man, what's Skips's problem?
I don't know. I think he needs to realize that there's some things he just can't fix.
