Van quotes from Reba

Van

It doesn't matter where we sleep just as long as I'm with my wife.

Cheyenne

My husband.

Kyra

My lunch.

Van

Coach said B.J. was only sick for one day and do you know why that is?

Cheyenne

I don't know, something to do with Jesus?

Van

See...Mrs. H, I'm "Player of the Week."

Reba

So I heard...Ungawa

Reba

[to Van] Let me help you study.

Van

It won't help, Mrs. H.

Reba

Let's give it a try. Let me see that. Well, I can see the trouble started early. You spelled your name wrong.

Van

Shoot! I knew that one!

Brock

Who fought the War of 1812?

Van

Soldiers.

Brock

Which soldiers?

Van

I have to know their names!?

Cheyenne

No, which country?

Van

Oh! I have no idea.

Van

[to Cheyenne] I told you I'm not going maternity shopping again. Those women look at me like they know what I did.

Cheyenne

But I need clothes that make it clear I'm pregnant, not fat.

Van

It's a heart keychain?

Cheyenne

It's because you hold the key to my heart.

Vanny!

Van

Mommy!

Cheyenne

Shoot me.

Cheyenne

Look at this. You can actually have a baby underwater.

Van

I hear whales do that.

Cheyenne

Was that a slam?

Cheyenne

I'm a mommy.

Van

I'm a daddy.

Kyra

You two sure catch on fast.

Van

Mrs. H., you have to maintain a "C"- average. Who do you think I am, Albert Weinstein?

Reba

Van, I think you mean Albert Einstein.

Van

No, I mean Albert Weinstein. He was the smart kid in the senior class. [sarcastically] Wow, Einstein!

Van

What's up with the teenager?

Reba

I don't know, she's been awful moody lately. I can't figure out why.

Van

Thirteen-year-old girl, could be anything. School, friends, stock market.

Reba

You gave Cheyenne a beautiful ring.

Van

Even better. I gave her a love for inexpensive jewelry!

Cheyenne

Mom, I promise I'll take all the courses that I dropped.

Reba

Why don't you find a course that gets your head out of your butt?

Van

I don't think they have one or else my counselor would've told me about it.

Cheyenne

Mom, Dad... I have great news... I'm an alcoholic!

Van

I'm having a beer.