Stan the Guard quotes from Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure

Ten fingers.

Stan

Captain, that means Eugene was-

Don't you dare finish that sentence! Now go!

Pete

All I'm saying is, if you bring a quiche to work, you should bring enough to share with your co-workers. That's-- Just--

Stan

Yeah, but, you don't even like quiche!

Pete

Yeah, but that's-- First of all, don't tell me what I don't like. (puts his hand on his nose and walks away while being mad at Stan)

Stan

No, I know you don't like quiche.

Pete

Okay, because I, like a lotta things, but you never point that out.

Stan

(sighs) Uh-huh.

Pete

You just tell me all the stuff I don't like.

Stan

Yeah.

Pete

Anyway, let's just this one done. (stops holding his halberd and walks to the other weapons then tells Stan) Okay, you start cleaning the spears, I'll work on the swords. (Stan stops holding his halberd) (cabinet doors rattling) (Pete and Stan turn around and they hear a noise) (rattling continues) (Pete and Stan are walking towards the noise while holding their halberds)

Rapunzel

Ha! Gotcha! (stops hiding inside the cabinet while holding a rag and a sword)

Stan

(screams) (the weapons inside the cabinet have been shined by Rapunzel)

Rapunzel

Ha! I just polished all of these weapons before you could! You should see the look on your face! (tells Pete and Stan) (Stan is terrified while his halberd is clanking) (Pete is shocked) You've just been pranked! Or as it's soon to be called, Rapunzelled. (Stan falls backwards then Rapunzel and Pete see Stan on the floor) (Cassandra opens the door to the weapons room to see how Rapunzel's prank turned out)

Cassandra

That was clever. But not funny. (closes the door and leaves)

Varian

Hey Cassie! Hey, you wanna see my new invention? (asks her) Rumor has it, it is a shoo-in for the first prize in the contest. (whispers) I started the rumor. (tells her)

Cassandra

Oh. Hey, Varian. First off it's Cass not Cassie. Secondly, I'm slammed so--

Varian

Oh, yeah, I-- I hear ya. Hey, did I tell you that my invention can create an entirely new element? I call it-- (Stan appears)

Stan

Cassandra!, I thought you should know, the Captain is short on guards for the expo. This could be your big chance! (tells Cassandra) (she smiles while sliding down the ladder)

Cassandra

Come on, let's go! (leaves with Stan while Varian sees them running to the castle) (Owl hooting when he holds the rope after it unties) (Varian hears Owl trying to hold the rope and he runs to the ladder and climbs it to help Cassandra's pet then he takes the rope from Cassandra's pet and ties to the pole)

Rapunzel

Cassandra! Lookin' good! (Varian hears Rapunzel then he sees her and Eugene) You should see some of the inventions on display. Look at these crazy goggles. (turns the lens on) Oh. Hi, Varian! (removes the goggles from her head and sees him then he smiles) (Varian climbs off the ladder and jumps to the ground and turns around) I haven't seen you since we...

Eugene

Since your last invention almost killed us. (completes Rapunzel's sentence) So glad you're here. With looks like another invention.

Varian

Please, I wouldn't miss a chance to promote the merits of alchemy. And wait until you see my invention. I think, uh, everyone at the expo will be impressed. (tells Rapunzel and Eugene) (chuckles) Cassandra's gonna be here, right? Not that I'm doing this for Cassandra! (Varian reveals his crush on Cassandra to Rapunzel and Eugene when Varian blushes) (chuckles) But, yes, she's gonna be there, right? (asks Rapunzel and Eugene)

Eugene

So, I guess it's a pretty safe bet that Corona won't be hosting a daddy-daughter dance anytime soon? (laughs) (Rapunzel and Pascal stop pacing and looks at him angrily) (Pascal squeaks) Yeah, sorry, not the time for jokes. (Rapunzel sits next to him)

Princess Rapunzel

(sighs) I'm not sure what's going on, but I know Corona's in some kind of danger. And I feel like I'm the only one who wants to do anything about it.

Eugene

No, no you're not. Listen. Blondie, no matter what we're up against, I'm with you all the way.

Princess Rapunzel

I know, thank you, I just... (sighs) I think I need some time alone.

Eugene

Understood. (about to leave) You know... Things do seem pretty dark right now, but if anyone can find a light, it's you. (Rapunzel smiles) I've got a feeling everything's gonna be okay. (hears Stan) (opens the door)

Stan

Quit being so mean, Pete!

Pete

Wait! All I said was your breath smells like tree-rot, you are a sub-standard croquet player, and previous instances where I asserted you had a lovely singing voice were patently false. (gasps) (Stan gasps and turns around)

Stan

You've always loved my voice! (Rapunzel runs to Pete and Stan)

Princess Rapunzel

Pete! What are you doing? Stan's your best friend!

Pete

I know, I can't help it! It's like... I have to say whatever's on my mind!

Stan

Oh, yeah? Well, you have cookie crumbs on your cheek. (points to Pete's cheek) (runs) (Stan sobbing)

Pete

Stan, wait! I'm sorry! (runs after Stan to apologize) (Eugene walks to Rapunzel)

Eugene

You've got enough on your plate, Blondie. Go get some rest. I'll handle this. (walks to the same direction as Pete and Stan)

Princess Rapunzel

(sighs) (goes back to her room to sleep on her bed) (having a dream) (waltz music playing) (opens the door and walks into the throne room)

King Frederic

Rapunzel, there you are!

Princess Rapunzel

Dad, what it all this? (dancing with her dad)

King Frederic

Look, darling, I feel horrible about the way we left things, and, well, I'm hoping to make it up to you.

Princess Rapunzel

Oh, Dad, I'm so relieved to hear that-- (crackling) Ah! (people screaming) Oh! (crackling and rumbling) (panting) (groans)

Varian

Stop running, Rapunzel. (appears behind Rapunzel)

Princess Rapunzel

(turns around and sees Varian) (gasps) (Varian bends down to pick up Rapunzel's hair then holds her hair)

Varian

Face your destiny, or all you hold in your heart will be in grave danger. (tells Rapunzel) (tense music)

Princess Rapunzel

Uh... (Rapunzel wakes up and sees her glowing and it knocks the clock and her journal off the nightstands (Pascal squeaking) No, Pascal! (runs to grab her pet when he has tied up) (Pascal squeaks) Oh, Pascal! I would never do anything to hurt you. Come on.

Stan

Move it to the left.

Pete

Wait. Your left or mine? (asks Stan)

Stan

Mine. No, yours. No, wait a minute. They're the same!

Pete

Oh, okay. Whoa. (Lance grunting) (Pete takes one of the presents from Lance)

Lance

Present delivery for the princess! (telling Pete and Stan)

Pete

Sorry. No one goes in or out. (tells Lance)

Stan

Lance, I know what you're trying to do. Frankly, I don't blame you. We don't wanna see the princess locked up either.

Lance

(gasps) Wait! Are you insinuating that I am trying to break the princess out? Well! I'm just embarrassed for both of you.

Pete

Well, Stan said it, so...

Lance

I assure you, there's nothing but gifts in these packages. (putting the presents on the ground then tells Pete and Stan) Have a look. (Pete is shaking the present that he is holding to find out what is inside it) (upbeat music) (Pete and Stan are opening the presents) (Rapunzel opens the door to see if Lance has Pete and Stan distracted with presents then Lance winks at Rapunzel then she closes the door) (Stan holds a nightgown and Pete holds a music instrument)

Pete

(gasps) An accordion? I have always wanted to play one of these.

Lance

Well, what's stopping ya? (asks Pete)

Pete

Stan, wasn't I just saying-- (starts playing the accordion)

Stan

He was just saying that.

Pete

I was just saying-- We wanna start a band called "The En Gardes". You know? Do you get that? (asks Lance) (Rapunzel sees that Pete and Stan are distracted then gives Pascal a thumbs up) (Pascal squeaking when he goes outside to give a signal to Cassandra)

Cassandra

That's our signal. (sees Pascal with a telescope then jumps off) (Eugene checks the note and sees that he doesn't have to be launched)

Eugene

Ha! I knew it! There's nothing here that says "I have to--"

Cassandra

Oop! My mistake! (about to launch Eugene and Hook Foot)

Eugene

Wait! No! (turns around and sees Cassandra slicing of the rope with her halberd) (rope snaps) (catapult cranks) (Eugene screaming)

Cassandra

Man, that felt good. (Eugene and Hoot Foot screaming)(Eugene and Hoot Foot thud on a dome then Eugene points the bow to the top of the dome while Hook Foot holds the rope that is attached to the bow then Eugene aims an arrow) Are you ready? (asks Hook Foot)

Hook Foot

Nope. Not in any way. (tells Eugene)

Eugene

I'll take that as a yes. (tells Hook Foot then Eugene puts the grappling hook and picks up the rope and runs with Hook Foot) (tense music) (Eugene and Hook Foot swing as they tie the rope around and around the tallest tower while holding onto the rope) I am not loving this plan! (thuds) (groans) (Eugene and Hook Foot slammed to the side of the wall)

Pete

(discordant music playing)

Lance

(coughing) You sure you haven't accordion-ed before? (asks Pete while he continues to play the accordion)

Pete

(laughs) Right? It's just coming out of me! (tells Lance)

Stan

Sounds great, Pete! (tells him)

Eugene

(straining) That was a lot more painful than I expected. (he and Hook Foot are groaning when they fell on the ground) Hook? (asks Hook Foot)

Hook Foot

Hook. (hands his hook to Eugene and he hangs it on the bars) (gives Eugene rope then he walks to the edge and throws the rope to Big Nose, Ulf, Vladmir and Maximus then they grab the rope) (Maximus chuffs) (has rope tied around his waist) (Maximus, Vladmir and Big Nose are pulling the rope while Ulf is miming it) (all grunting) (Maximus neighs) (Eugene and Hook Foot are watching the window cracking) Seriously? (asks Eugene) This is the whole reason you needed me? Couldn't you have just used a regular hook? (annoyed at Eugene) (wall crackling)

Eugene

Um... possibly, but probably best not to overthink it. (tells Hook Foot) (bars clank open) (Hook Foot is mad at Eugene)

Hook Foot

(screams) (falls off from the tower)

Stan

Wait, did you hear something? (asks Lance)

Lance

Only musical genius! (laughing) (referring to Pete)

Shorty

I got him, I got him. (Maximus pulls the cart with teddy bears while Vladimir pushes it to catch Hook Foot) (Hook Foot thuds) (toys squeaking) (holds a teddy bear) I got him. I'm the winner! (Maximus whinnies) (Hook Foot wakes up and sits) (bars thudding then it fell over Shorty)

Old Lady Crowley

What do you ask of us, Your Majesty? (asks King Frederic)

Frederic

As was so insightfully pointed it out to me, we've been playing straight into Varian's hands, and now, he's expecting a full-out attack on Old Corona.

Stan

So, what's the plan, Your Majesty? (Rapunzel puts her finger on a model of Varian's home)

Rapunzel

We launch a full-out attack on Old Corona.

Pete

But we'd be giving him the upper hand.

Rapunzel

Yeah, well, we're let Varian think he still has the upper hand. And while we distract him with the assault, I am gonna sneak around the back using the underground tunnels and rescue the queen. (her dad puts his hand on her shoulder)

Frederic

We are going to to rescue the queen. (tells Rapunzel then she smiles)

Stan

With all due respect, Princess, Varian only wants you. Once he sees you're nowhere to found, won't he realize that our attack is just a diversion?

Rapunzel

Probably. That is what he is for. (Shorty is Rapunzel's decoy for the assault)

Shorty

I got this. (walks into the strategy room disguised as Rapunzel to fool Varian) Ready, Caspal? (gibbering)

Eugene

And the best part of the food coma is, Edmund will be leaving-- (opens his bedroom but sees a mess) Good gray, what happened? (sees his sash is missing) Wait a minute. Someone stole the sash! I've been ro-- I've been robbed! (Pascal grumbles) So that's how that feels.

Pete

Somebody say "robbed"? (runs to the entrance of Eugene's bedroom) (Stan also runs to the entrance of Eugene's bedroom)

Stan

Don't touch a thing. This is a crime scene. (he and Pete run inside Eugene's bedroom) (Eugene tells Pete and Stan)

Eugene

Take it easy, guys. Who cares about that silly old sash? (Stan and Pete check Eugene's room) (Pete and Stan toss an eaten apple alongside Eugene's belongings) (Eugene's sock is on his head) (Pascal squeaks and laughs at Eugene when he has a sock on his head) (Eugene is annoyed)

King Edmund

Somebody stole the sash? (mad when the sash is missing)

Rapunzel

I don't know, Your Majesty, but Eugene will help you find it. (tells King Edmund)

Eugene

Whoa, whoa. Stan and Pete are on it. They are perfectly capable of handling this. (tells Rapunzel and his dad)

Pete

Hey, I found a clue. (tells Stan) (Stan runs to Pete)

Stan

That's your own helmet! (tells Pete) I told you not to take that off. (Eugene is sheepishly)

King Edmund

I will not leave Corona until our family's sash is safely recovered.

Eugene

Fine. I'll just give Stan and Pete a hand. (smiles and enters his bedroom) It's the least I can do. (Pete stops searching)

Pete

No clues to report.

Stan

This master thief covered his tracks well.

Eugene

Oh, what's this? (steps on paper to pick it up and unfolds it) Yeah, this is a ransom letter. (his dad and Rapunzel are at the entrance)

Pete

Oh, he's good.

Rapunzel

Making wishes? (asks a girl)

Huh? (Rapunzel does a magic trick for her) (giggling) What? (a coin appears on Rapunzel's hand) (surprised)

Rapunzel

Eugene taught me that one. Go ahead. Come on. Make a wish. (tells the girl) (Pascal squeaks) (the girl makes a wish) (coin splashing)

Princess! (a girl, Raps and Pascal hear Feldspar) (Rapunzel turns around) (he, Stan and Pete walk to Raps) Somebody broke into my shop, tracked two sets of identical muddy footprints across my new rug.

I saw them. One of them had an eye patch. (refers to Sideburns and Patchy) (Pascal squeaks)

Rapunzel

Double security. (runs to Pete and Stan then tell them) I want sentries posted on the bridge, and patrols every hour.

Yes, Princess. (Pascal squeaks angrily)

Rapunzel

The Stabbingtons are back in Corona. (mad when she notices that Sideburns and Patchy returned to the city) (storms off) Oh, here. Back up wishes. (gives a girl more coins) (Rapunzel storms off) (Pete and Stan turn around to walk to Feldspar's shop)

Stan

Don't worry, Princess. The Stabbingtons are as good as-- (he and Pete yelling) (Pete and Stan are captured by Sideburns and Patchy) (helmets clattering) (a girl continues to make wishes) (girl hears a noise and turns around) (Sideburns and Patchy grab two helmets) (coin splashing)

Where is he? (walks to Stan and Pete to ask them about Eugene's location) Where's Rider? (Stan and Pete are scared)

Pete

Hey, aren't these the guys Eugene keeps beating? (asks Stan)

(grunts) Where is he? (grabs the rope that Pete and Stan are tied to) (demands Pete and Stan to tell them Eugene's location)

Stan

We don't know.

Pete

Yes, we do. He's headed to Mount Saison with his dad to get back that priceless sash.

Heh, heh. (Stan grunting) Mount Saison, huh? (he and Patchy leave Pete and Stan tied to a barrel)

Stan

But-- but you'll never catch him! Eugene moves faster than the wind! (tells Sideburns and Patchy)

Stan

(sighs) How'd you find us? (asks Rapunzel) (he and Pete are glad to see Rapunzel) (Rapunzel tells Pete and Stan) (Raps kneels to untie Pete)

Rapunzel

I tracked those muddy footprints. Those guys should really wipe their shoes. Also, it helped that you guys were weeping loudly. (Pete turns his helmet the correct way)

Pete

Just doing our part. (salutes and tells Rapunzel) (cries)

Stan

I'm sorry, Princess. The Stabbingtons came out of nowhere! (apologizes to Rapunzel)

Rapunzel

It's okay. (Fidella wickers) I'm sure they're after Eugene. (tells Pete and Stan) Good thing he's out of town.

Pete

Eh... (turn away from Rapunzel)

Stan

Um... (also turn away from Rapunzel) (he scratches his neck)

Rapunzel

Wait. You didn't tell them about Mount Saison, did you?

Pete

Oh, yeah.

Stan

Yeah.

Rapunzel

(sighs) You know what? (Fidella wickers) I'll take it from here, guys. (mad) (tells Pete and Stan) (tells Fidella) Come on, Fidella. (Fidella wickers) (Rapunzel is on Fidella) We're bringing in The Stabbingtons. (Fidella neighs) (she, Pascal and Rapunzel leave)

Stan

That was your fault. (tells Pete) (pushes Pete when blaming him)

Pete

Nuh-uh, it was yours! (tells Stan) (pushes Stan when blaming him)

Pete

Quit it! (tells Stan)

Rapunzel

How many of you have ever dreamed of having a treasure of untold riches?

Lance

Mm... untold riches. Now, this is living. Don't you agree, Lance made of caviar.

Vladimir

I'll take them all. (six unicorns neighing) (Vladimir laughing) (Maximus neighing when he sits on a carriage pulled by Lance and Eugene)

Rapunzel

We are holding a Corona-wide race for the lost treasure of Herz Der Sonne!

Yeah!

Varian

All right! (everyone cheering)

Rapunzel

But, wait! It gets better. Because this is about having fun together, everyone will be racing with a partner! (Varian and the others groaning)

Eugene

Couldn't we have just pulled names out of a hat? (asks Rapunzel) (Catalina, Varian, Xavier and Lance are looking at Eugene)

Rapunzel

Oh, but it is a hat! I call it the "Horotory Automated Team-builder." Or HAT. (takes the paper off) (squeaking) (Gregorio snort, grunting) (bell ringing) (hammering) (clicking) (balls roll down the tube) (clicking, clanking) (picks up the balls) And our first team is... Stan and...

Pete

Pete! Stan and Pete!

Rapunzel

Angry! (toss the red and blue balls away)

Pete

What? This is an outrage! It's Stan and Pete. Everyone knows it's always Stan and Pete! (Stan comforts Pete)

Yeah! And I don't wanna be paired up with some dopey guard.

Stan

You're not paired up with some dopey guard. (tells Kiera) You're paired up with-- (points to himself) Oh... (knows that Kiera is his partner for the race) (machine clicking, clanking)

Rapunzel

Pascal and... Max! Aw, cute! (toss the balls away) (Pascal squeak) (Maximus snort) (Pascal squeal) (Maximus nicker) (machine clank) Xavier... and Varian! (Varian turns his head and sees Xavier is his partner) Ruddiger... and Hamuel! (toss the balls away) (Hamuel caws) (Ruddiger chitters) Eugene... and, of course, Lance. (toss the balls away)

Eugene

(laughing) Are you kidding me? Me and Lance together, searching for treasure? Just give it to us right now, folks.

Rapunzel

And finally... Me... and Feldspar! (toss the balls) (laughs) (runs to Feldspar) Up high! Feldspar. Come on!

Oh, please, don't hit me! Oh! Oh, I get it. It's a-- a gesture of camaraderie. Well, then I'm all in. Up high, woo-hoo! Ow.

Rapunzel

Okay, everyone! (Pete, Stan, Monty, Vladimir, Varian, Ruddiger, Xavier, Max and Pascal walk to the map) Take a good look at the map. Be sure to memorize it because you cannot take it with you. It's up to you and your partner, or, heh, should I say, your new bestie, to find your way to the treasure.

Vladimir

Unicorns, unicorns, unicorns, unicorns... unicorns.

Rapunzel

Uh... Feldspar? I appreciate how excited you are, but you really don't need to pack much. (Feldspar's bag thuds) Wow! (surprised) What do you have in there?

Well, shoes, mostly, and of course, shoe polish, shoe horns, shoe laces...

Rapunzel

Uh, you know what? Uh, why don't you fill me in on the way? We are, ugh, already behind.

Yes, yes. You're right. (Rapunzel takes Feldspar's heavy bag and carries it then puts it on his back) Don't worry. We're going to win! After all, we're the only team with a map. (takes a map from his apron and shows it to Rapunzel)

Rapunzel

What? (takes the map from Feldspar) Where did you get that? (asks Feldspar)

I took an impression of the map. (takes the map back from Rapunzel)

Rapunzel

No, no. We can't use the map. That's cheating. (tells Feldspar)

Rapunzel

(sigh) What's another word for it?

What do I look like, a thesaurus? (asks Rapunzel when he opens the door via his foot)

Rapunzel

Feldspar, come on. We can still win this fair and square. We don't need a map. (tells Feldspar then he sees the map)

You know what? You're right. (rolls up the map) And when you're right, you're right. We can, nay, we must win this using nothing but our wits! (body thuds) So, wagon wheel, we meet again. (Stan is pushing Kiera via a wheelbarrow) (Rapunzel and Feldspar see Stan pushing Kiera via a wheelbarrow)

Stan

You know (panting), I can't help but wonder why I have to push you in a wheelbarrow.

Because I'm not big enough to push you in a wheelbarrow. Now, hurry!

Stan

Oh, I get it now.

Vladimir

Unicorns! Unicorns! Unicorns! Unicorns! Unicorns... (he and Monty soaked Kiera and Stan with water then Kiera turns around to open Stan's bag)

Stan

Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice you're rifling through my personal effects?

Hey, Captain Stache, look around. We're losing. (tells Stan) I'm looking for anything that might give us a leg up. (sees a helmet from the bag) You brought a spare uniform? (holds a helmet when asking Stan)

Stan

A good soldier never travels without an extra uniform. (Kiera sees Varian and Xavier's hot air balloon)

Good idea! (tells Stan)