Sideburns quotes from Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure

Patience, brother. (tells Patchy) Our time will come.

Eugene

Okay, it's a grim place to offer an apology, but then again, this is Cassandra we're talking about. (turns around to see Cass inside a cell)

Cassandra

I'm sorry. (Eugene yelps) Did you just say I was going to offer you an apology? (holds her note while walking to him)

Eugene

Yeah! You said in your note you wanted to say sorry.

Cassandra

I didn't write you a note. You wrote me a note. (shows the note) (door closes, locks) Huh? (Rapunzel is inside the dungeon twirling a key)

Eugene

Hey! What are you doing? (asks Rapunzel)

Rapunzel

Time for the game to begin. (tells Eugene and Cassandra)

Cassandra

Game? What are you talking about? (asks Rapunzel)

Rapunzel

Don't you see? I wrote the letters. They were merely a ruse to lure you both down here.

Eugene

What? You can't just lock us in here. (Pascal grumbles)

Rapunzel

(chuckles) Oh, I can, and I have, and I'm afraid your only way to escape is to work together, to solve a puzzle of my own design.

Eugene

What puzzle?

Rapunzel

Within these walls, you will find a series of strategically placed, increasingly difficult clues, each one more unfathomably perplexing than the last. Put them together, and you're free to go. (Eugene and Cassandra are shocked) Fail? And this prison cell will become your new home. (leaves) (cackles evilly) (returns with treats) Oh, and I made you guys cookies. (gives the basket to Cassandra) (leaves again)

Eugene

What are we, twelve? (takes a cookie from the basket and holds the treat then bites it) (cookie crumbs rustling to the floor and one of it rolls into the hole to the floor of Stabbingtons' cell)

Cassandra

Listen, this is all your fault.

Eugene

Oh, please! (Sideburns picks up the cookie crumb from the floor) You know darn well that my only fault is that I have no faults!

Recognize that voice? (asks Patchy) Sounds like our old friend.

Eugene

Alright, that should do it.

Cassandra

Here, let me try. (picks up the jack and walks to the door)

Eugene

No! No, no, no, that's too far! (runs to the door and tells her then he grabs onto it) Leverage Cassandra. It's all about the leverage.

Cassandra

I know what I doing.

Eugene

No, you don't!

Cassandra

Cut it out!

Eugene

You cut it out! The jack was my idea!

Cassandra

Ugh, "my idea." "Me, me, me." It's always all about you.

Eugene

Okay, let's make it about you then. "I'm Cassandra, and I can't stand Eugene, "because he's smarter than me, has better teeth, and doesn't use the word "vahz."

Cassandra

Ugh! You're making it about you again!

Eugene

That's because I'm far more interesting! (the juck fell apart to due Cassandra and Eugene fighting about who prys the door open) (items clanks to the hole)

Cassandra

No! (runs to the hole alongside Eugene and they dive on the floor to try to retrieve the items back) (the items fell to the Stabbingtons' cell)

Eugene

Oh, great! You lost my comb! That was the first thing I ever stole. (Sideburns snickering when he grabs Eugene's comb from the floor) I had it re-engraved and everything.

(snickering) Looks like it's our lucky day. (he and Patchy grab the items for the jack and rebuild it)

Eugene

Ah, Blondie. Finally-- oh! (he and Cassandra see Sideburns and Patchy entering the cell)

Hello, Rider.

Eugene

That's unfortunate.

Cassandra

Friends of yours? (asks Eugene when referring to Sideburns and Patchy)

Eugene

Sideburns! Long time, no sneer! You look good! The moisture in the dungeon has done wonders for your leathery skin. Did you lose weight? (Patchy gives the halberd to Sideburns) Prison food, am I right? (Sideburns growls when he threatens Eugene with the halberd) (Eugene is scared) No, no I guess not. (Sideburns growling) (whistle blowing) (Sideburns and Patchy turn around when they heard a guard)

Huh?

The Stabbingtons' have escaped! (Sideburns and Patchy look at each other before abducting Eugene and Cassandra)

Guess we're gonna need a couple of human shields, if we wanna get outta here. (he and Patchy are walking towards Eugene and Cassandra)

Eugene

Ahh, thank goodness. Wait a minute. (grunts) (Patchy puts a bag on Eugene's head)

Cassandra

(groans) (Sideburns puts a bag on Cassandra's head)

Eugene

Let's rethink the sack thing, huh? (Sideburns and Patchy are running from the cell while carrying Eugene and Cassandra as hostages) It's wreaking havoc on my hair.

Cassandra

Nice, Eugene. (Sideburns and Patchy are running to the exit of the dungeon but they see the Captain of the Guards and the other guards)

Huh?

Hold it right there! Don't move. (tells Sideburns and Patchy and they put Cassandra and Eugene down and take the bag off their heads) Cassandra! (sees his adopted daughter and Eugene being abducted by Sideburns and Patchy)

Cassandra

Dad. (sees her adopted father)

Hmm, Dad. I'd call your men off if you know what's good for your precious daughter... Captain. (tells Cassandra's adopted father)

Rapunzel

I hear voices. (runs into the dungeon) Sounds like my plan worked! (sees that Sideburns and Patchy holding her friends captive) Cass! Eugene! How did this happen?

Stay back, Princess. (tells Rapunzel and tells his guards) Guards, lower your weapons. (Sideburns and Patchy are walking away with Cassandra and Eugene as their captives while Rapunzel, the Captain of the Guards, Pete, Stan and the other guards see this)

Eugene

It's okay, Blondie, I'm working on a plan. (tells Rapunzel)

Cassandra

Okay, Eugene, let's hear it. (tells him)

Eugene

Uh, I, I, I can't say it now, cause they can still hear us. (points to Patchy)

Rapunzel

Captain, they're getting away. (tells him while he watches the Stabbingtons walking away with Cassandra and Eugene as captives and leave) (suspenseful music) (the Captain of the Guards is mad when he sees his adopted daughter is abducted by Sideburns and Patchy)

Come on! (he, Pete, Stan and the other guards chase after Sideburns and Patchy then Rapunzel goes to the same direction) (he and his guards see a tunnel that Sideburns and Patchy crawl into with their captives then the Captain of the Guards, Pete and the other guards follow them via the tunnel)

Rapunzel

We'll never catch up to them. (stop running when she sees the tunnel ans sighs) Wait, but thanks to Cass, I know where the corridor empties. Come on, Pascal! (tells him) (goes to the other direction) (Sideburns and Patchy are being chased by the Captain of the Guards, Pete and the other guards)

Over here! They went this way. Hurry! (Sideburns runs ahead of Patchy but he stops when he hears the guards chasing him and Sideburns) (Patchy sees the side of the wall and puts his foot on it to make a barricade)

Eugene

Ho, hey! Probably not the best idea. (tells Patchy) (ceiling rumbling) (the guards are prevented from following Sideburns and Patchy)

Time to get rid of the extra baggage. (tells Patchy then Eugene and Cassandra are grunting when Sideburns and Patchy put their captives down) Say "Sayanara." (tells Eugene and Cassandra then Sideburns give the halberd to murder their captives but Sideburns stops his brother) (Patchy grunts) Actually, I just got a much better idea. (grabs Eugene by the vest and Eugene yelps) Let's snuff out Rider but keep the Captain's daughter as a bargaining chip. You sit there like a good, little girl. (tells Cassandra) This will just take a second.

Eugene

(yelps) (tries to run but Patchy prevents him from escaping)

Hey! Where do you think you're going? (Sideburns and Patchy grab Eugene then turns him around) (Sideburns and Patchy drop the halberd then Cassandra sees it on the floor then sees Sideburns and Patchy then the halberd again)

Eugene

Uhh...

We've got a little score to settle. (Eugene looks at the ceiling and distracts Sideburns and Patchy by talking to them)

Eugene

Guys, guys, hold on! You clearly have no idea what you're talking about. Cassandra is useless. (muttering while backing away) Right there. I'm the princess' boyfriend. I come with a lot more leverage. (distracts Sideburns and Patchy)

It ain't about leverage with you, Rider. (Cassandra looks at the ceiling) It's about revenge. (Cassandra puts the halberd right under Sideburns and Patchy to knock them out) We've been waiting a long time for this. (Cassandra stands up) Say goodnight. (tells Eugene)

Cassandra

(clearing throat) (grunts) (kicks the halberd to make the ceiling drop onto Sideburns and Patchy) (ceiling rumbling under Sideburns and Patchy then they see it before it knocks them out)

Eugene

Now that's how you use a halberd.

Cassandra

Yep, it's all about the leverage. (agrees with Eugene) (hears the ceiling rumbling) (gasps and runs) Eugene! Come on, let's get outta here. (tries to run away from the debris alongside Eugene but they are trapped) (Eugene grunts) (Eugene and Cassandra panting as they sit on the floor)

Say, ain't you the Stabbingtons? I can't believe these two losers have the guts to show in a place like this. Look at these dunderheads! Back from being beat Flynn-- Sorry, Eugene Fitzherbert, again! (bartender and customers laughing at Sideburns and Patchy)

Hey, bud, don't give him a hard time. Eugene had a lot of help from that princess and her pet frog. (bartender and customers laughing) (Patchy grabs the mug to squeeze it) (bartender drops his rag when he is scared of Sideburns and Patchy)

Ow! (mug clattering) (Patchy drops the mug on the counter) (Sideburns and Patchy are starting to leave)

No one's gonna ever take us seriously... (pulls out his dagger) (bartender hides) (Sideburns turns around and aims at a wanted poster) (customer grunting) (dagger clanging)... as long as that maggot is alive. (tells Patchy) (he and Patchy look at each other with an evil smile then leave)

Eugene

You packed food, right? (asks his dad)

King Edmund

Of course I did, Horace. (Domino nickers) A bounty unlike any you've ever had. (holds his satchel)

Eugene

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Horace? (Maximus neighs) Ha ha. Did you just call me Horace? (asks his dad)

King Edmund

Indeed. Horace is your given name. Did I not mention that before?

Eugene

No, you didn't. (Max neighs and smiles) How is it possible my real name is even worse than Eugene? (annoyed of his birth name) (Max nickers) Ha, ha. Real funny. (unamused) You know what? Never mind. Let's just get on the road. (tells his dad and starts to leave)

King Edmund

That's the spirit. This jaunt may actually be quite fun. (follows his son)

Eugene

But for the record, we are sticking with Eugene. Got it?

King Edmund

Whatever you say, Horace. (tells his son) (Sideburns and Patchy are under the bridge)

Never thought we'd be setting foot in Corona again. But it'll be worth it once we close the book on Flynn Rider... for good. (he and Patchy are walking to the exit of the bridge.

Where is he? (walks to Stan and Pete to ask them about Eugene's location) Where's Rider? (Stan and Pete are scared)

Pete

Hey, aren't these the guys Eugene keeps beating? (asks Stan)

(grunts) Where is he? (grabs the rope that Pete and Stan are tied to) (demands Pete and Stan to tell them Eugene's location)

Stan

We don't know.

Pete

Yes, we do. He's headed to Mount Saison with his dad to get back that priceless sash.

Heh, heh. (Stan grunting) Mount Saison, huh? (he and Patchy leave Pete and Stan tied to a barrel)

Stan

But-- but you'll never catch him! Eugene moves faster than the wind! (tells Sideburns and Patchy)

Eugene

Ha, ha. Oh, no. And-- and do you remember when Flynn Rider says, the kingdom and I aren't simpatico at the moment.

King Edmund

Yes! And people think it's a kid's book. Adults everywhere appreciate the nuance of Flynn Rider's adventures. (his son hears a noise)

Eugene

Shh, shh, shh. Quiet. I don't think we're alone. (tells his dad)

Right again, Rider. Or is it "Eugene"? (King Edmund and his son see Sideburns tied Max's snout and legs and also tied Domino's snout and legs via rope) (his blade knife clinks) (Maximus nickers)

Eugene

Don't ask. (Patchy is on the other side of King Edmund and his son) (King Edmund and son his turn around to see Patchy) (Patchy's blade knives clink) Edmund, long-lost father, meet Stabbingtons, lifelong nemeses. Edmund claims he's my father, but you know, I actually have more of a history with you guys. (Sideburns and Patchy walk towards Eugene and dad) So, in a way, this is kind of a family gathering for me! Say, who wants some pudding?

King Edmund

I can tell he wants some pudding. (flings pudding onto Sideburns' face) (Sideburns yells)

Eugene

He can tell a lot by looking into a man's eyes. (knocks Sideburns off his feet) (Sideburns grunting) (Sideburns thudding) (Eugene runs) Ha, ha! En guarde! (takes grass and holds it as a weapon) (grunts) (Sideburns fights Eugene but the former missed) (Sideburns' blade knife slashing) (Eugene grunting when he dodged) (Sideburns punching Eugene) (Eugene thudding into grass)

Where'd you go? (trying to find Eugene) (Patchy's knives slashing) (Eugene's dad grunting) (Eugene's dad dodged Patchy) (Patchy runs to Eugene's dad and fight him) (Eugene's dad grunting) (Eugene stops hiding) (Sideburns stops hiding and he is mad at Eugene) (Sideburns grunts) (Eugene greets Sideburns)

Eugene

Hello! (goes back into the grass) (grunts) (Sideburns also goes back into the grass) (Sideburns yelling) Ha! Didn't see that coming, did you? (Eugene kicks Sideburns) (grunting) (he tells Sideburns when the latter runs to the grass to attack the former) Whoa! Hey, how's your day going? (Sideburns slashing his knife at Eugene) Missed me. (picks up grass) (Eugene ties Sideburns' foot) (grunts) (Patchy's blade knife slashing) (Eugene's dad grabs Patchy) (Eugene's dad grunting when he flings Patchy towards Sideburns and Eugene sees) Yes! (Sideburns and Patchy are about to fall off of a cliff) (Sideburns and Patchy yelling) (Sideburns and Patchy thudding) (Maximus wickers)

King Edmund

Ha, ha! (he and his son head towards Maximus and Domino to untie them)

Eugene

All right, all right. (unties Maximus) They're not gonna stay down for long. (tells his dad) We need to buy more time.

King Edmund

I have an idea. (tells his son)

We gotcha! (he and Patchy see a wind up toy tied to a yo-yo) Huh? Rider! (he and Patchy are fooled) (birds chirping) (birds fly away)

Eugene

Edmund, that was ingenious! (tells his dad) (he and his dad escaped alongside Max and Domino) Ah, yeah. Ingenious. (walks)

King Edmund

Ha! Who knew this bag of lucky baubles would come in so handy? (walks next to his son) (opens his satchel of his son's toys)

Eugene

Ha, ha, ha! (sees the sash inside his dad's satchel and takes the sash to hold it) The sash. Wait. You stole this from my room? You had this the whole time? (walks a few steps away his dad when he notices that the latter stole the sash from the bedroom)

King Edmund

Well, yes. I did. It was I who wrote the ransom letter and sent us on this errand. (confesses to his son) (his son turns around)

Eugene

This is an errand? (shocked) We're stuck in the middle of nowhere with no food, no weapons, and two maniacs on our tail, but, yeah, lovely little errand this is! (tells his dad) (Max is mad)

King Edmund

I wanted to be part of your life, Horace. And I thought a father and son trip might-- (feeling down and he tells his son)

Eugene

Might what, huh? Make up for 24 years? (mad at his dad) And for the love of everything that is holy, my name is Eugene! (tells his dad) You know what? Here's your sash. (hands it back to his dad) (walks angrily) (his dad turns around when he feels down) I'm heading back to town. (tells his dad)

King Edmund

Hamuel, I've really bungled things with my son. (tells his pet) (Sideburns and Patchy walk to King Edmund)

I'll give you a chance to make it up to him. (King Edmund turns around when he hears Sideburns) (Hamuel caws) Take us to Rider. Now. (tells King Edmund)

King Edmund

I'm not foolish enough to help you. (tells Sideburns and Patchy)

Well, I know somebody who is. (referring to Hamuel)

Eugene

I cannot believe I fell for the nice-guy act. (Hamuel cawing) (Hamuel flies upside down with a dagger tied to him) (Eugene sees Hamuel) What are you do-- Wait. I know that dagger. (Hamuel caws) The Stabbingtons. (Hamuel thwacks into tree) (Hamuel shrieks) (Eugene pulls Max's reins) (Max nickers, snorts) Aw. Dads are more trouble than they're worth. Come on, Max. The old man needs us. (runs back to the dam) (Hamuel cawing) (Hamuel flies to the dam) (Eugene and Max arrive at the dam) Edmund? (Domino is alone at the dam) Edmund? (Eugene calls out for his dad) (Maximus nickering) (Eugene goes off Max) Hey, Domino. Where's Edmund?

Right here, sonny boy! (Eugene sees his dad is tied up) (Max also sees that Eugene's dad is tied up) You want him? Come and get him.

King Edmund

(muffled yelling) (Patchy is about to drop a boulder on top of Eugene) (Maximus, Eugene and Domino sees boulders falling) (boulder whooshing)

Eugene

Max, watch out! (moves Maximus out of the way) (boulder crashing) (Eugene, Domino and Mamuel are trapped inside Mount Saison) (Max neighs) (Max turns around) (Patchy thudding when he jumps to the base of Mount Saison as he wipes his hands and smiles evilly)

The Great Flynn Rider is gone. (King Edmund is shocked then he feels down) (Patchy walks to him) Come on. Now we have a sash and a king. (tells Patchy) (Sideburns pulls a lever) (Patchy grabs a sad King Edmund as a hostage) (wheel creaking) (King Edmund thudding when Patchy tosses him on a log) (Sideburns and Patchy step onto the same log) (water splashing) Thing are looking up. (the water flows and the log moves)

You went out of your way to rescue us again? (asks Rapunzel and Eugene) (Max sputters)

King Edmund

I guess my son believes in second chances. (glad) (Eugene turns around and holds Rapunzel's hands)

Eugene

I learned that from the best. (kisses Rapunzel's hand)

Phew! (laughing) No more gruel for us! (holds a priceless egg) (kiss a priceless egg) Tonight, we eat lobster! (laugh) Not to mention, we'll finally be able to pay off the Baron. (he holds a priceless egg and he walks away with teenage Lance) (Pascal squeak then he and Raps gasps)

Rapunzel

(blinks) This is crazy! A young Lance and Eugene? It can't be! (teenage Eugene sees his reflection)

Who's the man? You're the man! (chuckles) (teenage Lance walks to him)

Uh, what is wrong with your face? (as teenage Eugene)

I-it's just a little something I've been cooking up. I call it, "The Blaze."

Blaze? (laugh) It's barely a smolder.

Rapunzel

Yep, that's them alright. And either they found the fountain of youth, or... (Pascal squeaks) (Pascal and Raps turn around to see a poster) Pascal! That's the poster from when I went missing! We just went back in time. (Pascal leaps on Rapunzel's shoulder) But, why do they seem to know us? They keep calling me Burns... (gasps) (Pascal squeaks)

Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh... (freaking out) (Patchy is also freaking out) (grunting) (teenage Eugene walks to Raps)

Burnsie! Shh! Keep it down! (Pascal squeaks) (teenage Eugene and teenage Lance dogpile on Rapunzel and Pascal)

I heard something this way. (tells the other guards) (guard runs towards a noise)

Rapunzel

Okay. So apparently, we are trapped in the bodies of the teenage Stabbingtons? (Pascal squeak) I don't know, but for now, uh, we go with it, and try to remain calm until we can figure out what's happening. (she and Pascal hear a guard)

We know you boys are in there. We have the building surrounded.

Rapunzel

Alright, nobody panic. We can get out of this if we all work together... (teen Eugene and Lance left) Great, they ditched us. (door open)

Where are the other two? (three guards enter the shop) (two guards point their halberds at Rapunzel and Pascal)

Rapunzel

Uh, to be honest, I don't even know where I am right now, so-- (a guard holds Rapunzel's arm) (Pascal squeaks)

Take these wise guys to the wagon. We'll find the others. (guards exit the shop) (door slams)

Ah. The old mannquin shenanigans. Works every time. (fist bumps teen Lance) Oof, uh-huh. (grunting)

You think we should, uh, help, with the Stabbies?

You know the rule, Lance. Every man for himself. Besides, I'm sure they're fine. (fist bumps teen Lance) (he and teen Lance exit)

Eugene

(laughing) Now that we don't have to split the profits with the Stabbingtons, I'm gonna take Stalyan out on a really fancy date. I'm talking a place with tables and napkins and utensils... (chair creaks) you know, a nice place. (tells teen Lance) (Rapunzel appears)

Rapunzel

Hello! (teen Eugene fells off his stool)

Eugene

W-what?

Rapunzel

Um... (clears throat) I mean, um, (using "tough guy" voice) hello, jerks. We have another, um, opportunity we thought you two might be interested in.

Nah, we're all set. (wipes dust from his coat) Besides, I'm surprised you came back. We left you and Ugly high and dry back there.

Rapunzel

Me and Ug-- (gasps) Who's ugly? He's not ugly. (Pascal squeaks) He's adorable. (Pascal chirps when Raps pets him) (teen Eugene and Lance are unamused)

Who's adorable? (Patchy is on Sideburns) You are! (Patchy goes off Sideburs) You are, buddy! (pinches teen Patchy's cheek) That's eight, my little buddy. (Patchy waves awkwardly to teen Eugene and Lance)

Uh, feeling okay, Sideburns?

Rapunzel

Oh, right. Nah, he's ugly. (agrees with teen Eugene) (Pascal squeaks angrily) (Raps looks at Pascal) And tough. We're both tough. (walks to teen Eugene and Lance) Nothi-- Nothing but a couple of tough guys over here. (punches teen Eugene) (teen Eugene struggling to catch two priceless eggs)

Whoa!

Ahh! (teen Eugene struggling to catch two priceless eggs) (teen Lance gasp) You told me there was only one egg!

There was! After I took the first one. (Rapunzel is mad when she walks to teen Eugene)

Rapunzel

You tried to cheat Lance?

Ha! I shoulda known! You were always trying to cheat me, Flynn.

I'm not always trying to cheat you, Lance. Alright, let's call it 70-30. (Rapunzel and teen Lance are mad at teen Eugene)

You are a selfish jerk, you know that?!

Yeah, well, being a selfish jerk, is how you get ahead in this world. (mad at teen Lance)

Oh, that's it! (mad and pushes teen Eugene to the ground) (indistinct yelling) (Raps and Pascal see a fight of teen Eugene and teen Lance) (glass smashing) (Pascal squeaks)

Lance! (clears throat) After some spirited discourse, Lance and I have decided that we'd to partake in your opportunity as we have recently come into some rather, it's call it, unfortunate financial limitations. (teen Lance removes the shards off teen Eugene's hair) (glass tinkling)

Rapunzel

Wise choice, boys. (she, Pascal, teen Eugene and teen Lance see the blueprints of the castle)

So, what's the mark?

Rapunzel

The royal vault. (Pascal squeak)

Come again?

You say what now?

Rapunzel

Once it's dark, we'll creep in through a small crack in the curtain walls surrounding the castle. (draws lines the blueprint of the walls) Then, we'll make our entry here. (draws an x on the blueprint of the guard's tower)

Uh, that's the guard's tower. You know, where all the guards hang out. We'll never be able to sneak past them.

Rapunzel

We won't have to sneak past them. We're gonna sneak under them. (tells teen Eugene and teen Lance)