Eugene Fitzherbert quotes from Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure

Eugene

What the hair!?

Eugene

I'm telling you, Stan! (Stan is bored) The handlebar mustache is so passé. Today, it's all about the goatee. (Pascal walks to him) You know what I mean? (Pascal chirps while trying to have his attention) You see-- (turns and sees Pascal) Just a second frog, I'm making a point. (gives a note to Eugene) by Oh! Hey, easy! What? What? (takes the note) What is it? (sees the note) A note from Cassandra? If this is another eviction letter, I am going to lose it! (Pascal grumbles when he walks away) She does not have the authority for that! I checked! (sees the note again) Hmm, well, this ought to be interesting.

Eugene

How do you sleep at night, Shorty? (asks him while taking the ticket from him) Challenge of the Brave, here I come! (runs to the event) (Shorty is counting the coins) (thrilling music) (Pascal chitters when he and Eugene see that the event has ended. An old man sweeps the weapons while wiping sweat off his head with his rag) SHORTY, I WANT MY MONEY BACK!

Eugene

This isn't a cave, it's a basement. We broke into somebody's house. Lance, you lied to me!

Eugene

That ring we stole belonged to the Queen; the same queen who took me in as part of her family. And as soon as she sees Rapunzel wearing it, she'll put two-and-two together and be furious or heartbroken. She's a tough read sometimes. But if I ask for the ring back, Rapunzel will know I lied to her earlier, and Cassandra will get the satisfaction of being right.

Eugene

Let's just say, it's really complicated.

Eugene

Froggy, I gotta say, that was the most delightful breakfast. (tells Pascal when he squeaks on the twelfth plate) (Pascal squeaks when he yawns and stretches) What do you say we head up to the room for a quick food coma? (Pascal squeaks when he jumps on his shoulder to leave)

Eugene

Hmm. Right! This one. (Eugene is at the Lorbrary with Owl and the former picks out a small book but can't read the words) (Owl hoots) Nope. I'm not seeing anything in any of these books that could explain where Little Miss Most-Likely-to-Elimate-Us-All-In-Our-Sleep came from. (Owl hoots) Yes, it's possible, I missed it! Did you see how small this writing is?

Eugene

Leave them alone for two seconds. Dad, I'm going back. (runs back to the throne room)

Rapunzel

Okay. The truth? Remember when I said I woke up with long hair? Well, I didn't. Cassandra snuck me out.

Eugene

Ha! I knew it! She is gonna be in so much trouble!

Rapunzel

She showed me these black rocks that began to glow. I know it's strange, but I think they're what made my hair grow back.

Eugene

Black rocks that glow? Okay, we're back to weird.

Rapunzel

And when I touched the rocks, they started chasing us.

Eugene

Rocks chasing you? Okay, we're back to weird.

Rapunzel

And when we got far enough away from them, they stopped growing.

Eugene

You don't know what "boo" means, do you?

Princess Rapunzel

Of course I do! It's a cheer like "hooray" or "yea", right? No? Then what does "boo" mean?

Cassandra

It means someone hates you.

Princess Rapunzel

Why wouldn't someone like me? What could I have done to this person?

Eugene

"Rapunzel, who cares? Not everyone has to like you. Its part of life."

Cassandra

"Eugene's right. I someone couldn't like you for any number of reasons. Like you have a stupid goatee that makes you look ridiculous."

Eugene

"Uh, Cass, it's hard to take your insults seriously when you're holding that thing."

Cassandra

Listen, Raps, if you trying to find your defining activity, don't listen to this dud whose whole work history is being a two-bit hood.

Eugene

Two bit hood!? Hold the pastry! I'll have you know Cassandra, Flynn Rider was a legend.

Cassandra

Keyword being "was." And what is it you do now?

Eugene

I uh, I do many...things. You know, important things, things so important you wouldn't even understand 'em. Sometimes I don't even understand 'em. Tell her, Blondie.

Rapunzel

Hmm. What?

Rapunzel

You're gonna become a royal guard?

Eugene

It makes total sense, right? I try to have a normal job but I have trouble with authority! Being a guard I am the authority.

Cassandra

Fitzherbert! (Rapunzel gasps)

Rapunzel

(sighs) not again. (Pascal also had enough of Eugene and Cassandra's argument)

Eugene

I don't know what you're so upset about! Oh, wait, know was the wrong choice of words. (Rapunzel sees her painting and holds it then tosses it on the other paintings and walks to the hall while being annoyed) I meant, I don't care what you're so upset about.

Rapunzel

(sighs deeply) Hey, guys! Everything okay? I couldn't help but overhear a--

Cassandra

Not only did you take my halberd without asking, you got your disgusting hair all over it!

Eugene

How dare you! First of all, I did not touch your halberd. Second of all, what is a halberd? (Cssandra shows it to him) Oh! Oh, a halberd. Okay, fine, you got me, but check out this shave. Smooth as a baby's bottom.

Cassandra

Try a monkey's.

Rapunzel

Okay. Okay. (tells Cassandra and Eugene when walking between them) Everyone, let's take a deep, calming, cleansing breath. (inhales, exhales)

Eugene

To be fair, I asked several times if I could use that thing.

Cassandra

And I said "no" every time.

Eugene

Which shouldn't matter, because we both know I don't listen to you.

Rapunzel

Guys, come on. This is ridiculous. (tells Cassandra and Eugene)

Cassandra

Eugene, a halberd should only be handled by a skilled warrior.

Eugene

Hello! Skilled warrior! (referring to himself) (grabs Cassandra's halberd from her and show her that she is wrong about him being a pro) You forgot Flynn Rider has handled plenty of weapons. (King Frederic's favorite vase shatters) Oh. (sees that he shattered it)

Cassandra

Ha! Way to go, Eugene. (Rapunzel sees her dad's favorite vase is shattered on the floor)

Eugene

That-- that's a faulty halberd right there. (points to it) (Rapunzel runs to her dad's favorite vase that is shattered by Eugene)

Rapunzel

Let's not panic! I mean, it is-- was my dad's favorite, irreplaceable, one of a kind, most favorite vase, but--

Cassandra

Hey, I have an idea, Eugene. Why not just steal him another one? Oh! Oh, wait, wait. You can't! This is a one of a kind vase.

Eugene

(chuckles) Of course you would pronounce it "vahz", Cassandra.

Cassandra

Yeah, yeah, "vayce," "vahz." Either way, it'll be the first the king sees when he sits down for dinner tonight, or doesn't see.

Eugene

You just love making me look like an idiot in front of the king, don't ya?

Cassandra

Nope, you do a perfect job of that all on your own. (Rapunzel sighs and walks back to her bedroom)

Eugene

Thank you. Wait a minute!

Eugene

Okay, it's a grim place to offer an apology, but then again, this is Cassandra we're talking about. (turns around to see Cass inside a cell)

Cassandra

I'm sorry. (Eugene yelps) Did you just say I was going to offer you an apology? (holds her note while walking to him)

Eugene

Yeah! You said in your note you wanted to say sorry.

Cassandra

I didn't write you a note. You wrote me a note. (shows the note) (door closes, locks) Huh? (Rapunzel is inside the dungeon twirling a key)

Eugene

Hey! What are you doing? (asks Rapunzel)

Rapunzel

Time for the game to begin. (tells Eugene and Cassandra)

Cassandra

Game? What are you talking about? (asks Rapunzel)

Rapunzel

Don't you see? I wrote the letters. They were merely a ruse to lure you both down here.

Eugene

What? You can't just lock us in here. (Pascal grumbles)

Rapunzel

(chuckles) Oh, I can, and I have, and I'm afraid your only way to escape is to work together, to solve a puzzle of my own design.

Eugene

What puzzle?

Rapunzel

Within these walls, you will find a series of strategically placed, increasingly difficult clues, each one more unfathomably perplexing than the last. Put them together, and you're free to go. (Eugene and Cassandra are shocked) Fail? And this prison cell will become your new home. (leaves) (cackles evilly) (returns with treats) Oh, and I made you guys cookies. (gives the basket to Cassandra) (leaves again)

Eugene

What are we, twelve? (takes a cookie from the basket and holds the treat then bites it) (cookie crumbs rustling to the floor and one of it rolls into the hole to the floor of Stabbingtons' cell)

Cassandra

Listen, this is all your fault.

Eugene

Oh, please! (Sideburns picks up the cookie crumb from the floor) You know darn well that my only fault is that I have no faults!

Recognize that voice? (asks Patchy) Sounds like our old friend.