Ranma quotes from Ranma ½

How to prove it...? I know! [Throws Ranma into a koi pond]

RRanma

[now female] What'd you do that for?!

You sound like a woman! Were you not willing to give your life for your training?

RRanma

My life, yes. [Kicks Genma into the koi pond] My manhood is another story!

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RRanma

By the way, I noticed that you took a pretty good look at me, too. Besides, it's no big deal for me to see a naked girl. I mean, I've seen myself plenty of times, right? And I'm better built to boot. [Laughs]

[Akane hits Ranma with the table out of anger]

Now that, he had coming.

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Ranma, quit your gawking and get to class. Better get moving or you're going to be late.

RRanma

Yeah I know, but what about... [looks at Akane singlehandedly defeating a crowd of boys who want to date her]

It's okay. She knows what she's doing. This happens every morning.

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[Akane accidentally hits Ranma in the face with a baseball due to him not paying attention. They go to Dr. Tofu's to get the wound treated]

RRanma

Man, you mean she even hits a ball like a savage?!

What?! It was your fault for not paying attention!

TDr. Tofu

[looks awkward] Well, you mean Akane did hit that ball?

Rrr!

TDr. Tofu

I was just joking. But so what, eh? What's wrong with being active?

RRanma

Macho.

But...but...

TDr. Tofu

It just means you're healthy!

RRanma

Or sexless.

[turns to Ranma] Would you...SHUT UP!

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[Female Ranma is forced to wear Akane's Clothes]

Well Ranma, how's the shirt?

RRanma

It's too tight. Look at this, it pinches my chest.

[Akane becomes visibly angry]

What about the waist?

RRanma

Too baggy.

Uh oh...

DIE RANMA! [attacks Ranma]

RRanma

Hey! Cut it out stupid!

Girls, girls let's not fight.

RRanma

I told you I'm a guy.

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[Ranma falls into Koi pond]

Shampoo

Ranma! I kill! Ranma!

RRanma

Hey! Wait a minute! [Runs away from Shampoo]

When he's a boy, she just wants him. When he's a girl, she wants him dead...

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RRanma

I'm going to a drugstore in China to buy some of that memory restoring shampoo.

Wow, in China?

Going to China son?

Have a nice trip Ranma. I'd love a souvenir. What should I ask for? Oh, we're all out of oolong tea. Buy me some would you?

Cigarettes and rice wine for me please.

Oh and I'll need a hand painted tea set to serve it in.

I would just love a pair of jade earrings, Ranma. Oh and one of those Chinese silk dresses OK?

Oh and Jasmine tea. I could use some ink and brushes for my calligraphy.

[By now Ranma isn't even paying attention]

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[Ranma is hurling insults at Akane in an attempt to restore her memory of him]

RRanma

You are just so uncute!

[Akane suddenly starts and looks shocked, as though she'd just remembered something she'd forgotten]

That's it! Ranma, do it again!

RRanma

You're uncute!

Whoa, now she's responding! Ranma, try making your words even stronger. Somewhere in her heart what you say is having an effect.

RRanma

Now that's something I'm good at! You're built like a stick! Your face makes me sick! Your thighs are too thick! You can't even kick! You're dumb as a brick! You talk like a hick! Your hair's a cowlick! You itch like a tick!

Ranma, you JERK!

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RRanma

You sold me for one crummy little stinkin' fish, huh?!

He also threw in the rice and two pickles... heh... ugh!

RRanma

What kind of father are you?!

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[Akane has just baked animal-shaped cookies in her Home Economics class]

KKuno

It is said that for a woman, true happiness can only be found in cooking for her beloved. Akane Tendo... [rushing at Akane as her friends scream] ALLOW ME TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!

[Ranma does a jumping move and lands on Kuno's head, knocking him to the ground]

RRanma

I'd think again, seeing as how her cooking probably killed better men than you.

Rrr... [clobbers Ranma with the fire extinguisher] Maybe they won't be good... but AT LEAST TRY ONE! [Ranma takes one of Akane's cookies and examines it quizzically] Aren't they cute? They're animal crackers.

RRanma

These are animals? ... [begins examining Akane's cookies one by one] An octopus?

Stupid! It's a penguin!

RRanma

A hermit crab?

It's a lion.

RRanma

It's a water flea!

A rabbit!

RRanma

Loch Ness Monster!

A swan!

RRanma

A Power Ranger!

A raccoon!

RRanma

A salamander!

Alligator!

RRanma

I know, a platypus!

A KOALA!

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[In a flashback scene, Ukyo is telling the story of how Tsubasa has stalked her since they went to the same boys' school]

TTsubasa

[offers Ukyo a handful of gifts] Dear, dear Ukyo, here.

Ukyo

Tsubasa, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but... I've already got a fiancee! [the last word echoes]

TTsubasa

Oh! [begins to weep]

[Back to the present day, female Ranma and Akane are eating okonomiyaki at Ucchan's while Ukyo tells them the story. Suddenly Tsubasa, inside a garbage can, whirls into the restaurant and slams female Ranma down onto Ukyo's grill face first]

RRanma

OW! That's hot!

TTsubasa

[speaking into microphone] But rejection only spurred me on. I decided to put my thoughts on paper, sending Ukyo letter after letter, until the skies were filled with pretty pink envelopes.

Ukyo

I needed some way to take the heat off me, which is how I came up with the idea of sending Tsubasa your picture, Ranma.

Which Ranma was it in the picture?

Ukyo

The girl Ranma, of course. What did you think? Tsubasa thought I was a boy at the time. I didn't want anyone thinking I was a pervert.