Akane quotes from Ranma ½

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[Akane has just baked animal-shaped cookies in her Home Economics class]

KKuno

It is said that for a woman, true happiness can only be found in cooking for her beloved. Akane Tendo... [rushing at Akane as her friends scream] ALLOW ME TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!

[Ranma does a jumping move and lands on Kuno's head, knocking him to the ground]

I'd think again, seeing as how her cooking probably killed better men than you.

Akane

Rrr... [clobbers Ranma with the fire extinguisher] Maybe they won't be good... but AT LEAST TRY ONE! [Ranma takes one of Akane's cookies and examines it quizzically] Aren't they cute? They're animal crackers.

These are animals? ... [begins examining Akane's cookies one by one] An octopus?

Akane

Stupid! It's a penguin!

A hermit crab?

Akane

It's a lion.

It's a water flea!

Akane

A rabbit!

Loch Ness Monster!

Akane

A swan!

A Power Ranger!

Akane

A raccoon!

A salamander!

Akane

Alligator!

I know, a platypus!

Akane

A KOALA!

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[In a flashback scene, Ukyo is telling the story of how Tsubasa has stalked her since they went to the same boys' school]

TTsubasa

[offers Ukyo a handful of gifts] Dear, dear Ukyo, here.

Tsubasa, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but... I've already got a fiancee! [the last word echoes]

TTsubasa

Oh! [begins to weep]

[Back to the present day, female Ranma and Akane are eating okonomiyaki at Ucchan's while Ukyo tells them the story. Suddenly Tsubasa, inside a garbage can, whirls into the restaurant and slams female Ranma down onto Ukyo's grill face first]

OW! That's hot!

TTsubasa

[speaking into microphone] But rejection only spurred me on. I decided to put my thoughts on paper, sending Ukyo letter after letter, until the skies were filled with pretty pink envelopes.

I needed some way to take the heat off me, which is how I came up with the idea of sending Tsubasa your picture, Ranma.

Akane

Which Ranma was it in the picture?

The girl Ranma, of course. What did you think? Tsubasa thought I was a boy at the time. I didn't want anyone thinking I was a pervert.

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[Shampoo, Kodachi and Ukyo have agreed to fight to determine who should be allowed to spend Xmas with Ranma. Akane then appears, and the girls ask if she wants to join in]

Akane

[impersonating Shampoo] Ranma belong to me.[impersonating Kodachi] Ranma-darling and I are going to spend Christmas Eve together, ho ho ho. [impersonating Ukyo] Ranma-honey is mine, you hear? [normal voice] I'm sick and tired of listening to the 3 of you! Do you all understand me? Unfortunately for all of you, Ranma isn't going to spend Christmas Eve with any of you!

What?

Kodachi

Huh?

Shampoo

Maybe you coming down with something, Akane.

Akane

I feel fine, Shampoo. Ranma is... Ranma is... Ranma's going to spending Christmas Eve with me, you understand?

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I even stopped and got you a little something for Christmas. I didn't have time to wrap it though. [starts handing out presents] Here, you like it? Also a music box, and a... and I saw these cool cards that I thought you'd like. What do you think?

Akane

Ranma, you remembered.

[Flashback to Akane asking Ranma for these exact things; in the present, Akane cries tears of joy]

And there's some other stuff here. Hey look, it's snowing. Huh? Hey, are you crying?

Akane

No.