Carson quotes from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

You put a living room where the crack den used to be!

[whispering] I see straight people!

I need a ritalin smoothie to remember all this.

Okay Tom, Thom, the thong and I are going to leave.

See? Everything is better in cashmere.

[looks at Kyan in a hat] You're like George. Not George straight, but like George gay.

If she says no, you get to marry one of us. So it's a win-win situation.

[On his first impressions of Andrew] I was like, "Who's the homeless guy stealing the camera?"

[about a crusty towel he found in Andrew's bathroom] What's this, your dreamcatcher?

[sees Ayanna] Oh hi Peanut. Your boyfriend is working on my last gay nerve.

I could get any gay man to cuff me any day of the week, but no, let the real cop do it. [John still can't cuff Carson] I could've fled the scene in like so many ways by now.

Guns don't kill people! Bad fashion does!

The clothes tell a story. Yours is the story of a deranged kick-boxer who still lives with his mother in Queens.

This is like a bad episode of Soul Train with really bad dancing white people.

We sold your children to pay for the furniture. I think you'll find it's a better investment in the long run.