I'll give you 5000 dollars.
What for?
The drawing.
It's not for sale.
No... just you.
S2[Episode 214]
S2[Episode 214]
The reason you don't have a boyfriend is because you don't want one.
I don't?
If you had one it would challenge the well established opinion you have of yourself as a worthless sac of shit that nobody wants; therefore, you go after guys you know will reject you and you stand around here and bitch like a high school girl, when in fact you got exactly what you want, mainly, nothing.
Thank you Doctor Kinney, you've saved me years of therapy, not to mention several thousand dollars.
S2[Episode 214]
She hit me! My mother fucking hit me!
She's always hitting you.
That's how she shows her affection.
I mean for real.
Well, what did Mikey do?
I don't wanna talk about it..... I told her she was pathetic for dating that fag-hating cop!
You know, if she keeps this up we're gonna have to take her honorary queer button away.
Where are her values? Her principles?
You know how it us when you want cock, they're the first things to go.
S2[Episode 214]
[talking to Michael about Debbie dating Horvath]
All your life you've been her little man and all of a sudden some big ol' dick pops up, threatens to take her away... you're hurt, you're angry... mad enough to kill.
One more word out of you and I'm throwing you out of the car... okay? even if it is yours.
S2[Episode 214]
[To Brian, when they're being pulled over by the police] Do you have anything on you?
Yeah, 16 pounds of cocaine and 24 ounces of heroin.
This is no time to be funny!
Who's being funny?
S2[Episode 214]
PPolice officer
Are you aware you were speeding?
Oh, that must be why it felt like we were going so fast.
Michael!
PPolice officer
You were doing 60 in a 35 mile zone.
Oh, what do you know, math. Give the officer a jelly doughnut.
PPolice officer
Excuse me, sir?
Look, don't you have anything useful to do? Like arrest a murderer?
Jesus, what the hell are you doing?
PPolice officer
Do you have a problem with police officer's sir?
Only one's that are boffing his mother.
Shut up, asshole.... just give me the goddamn ticket.
Aw, now he's done it.
PPolice officer
Get out of the car, sir.
Now we're gonna get arrested.
What now, so you can work me over?
Oh, now we're going to jail.
S2[Episode 214]
[Stumbling out of the car drunk, to a police officer questioning the driver] Officer, I would be more than happy to drive these two gentlemen home...
S2[Episode 214]
I'm so disappointed.
I know, I fucked up!
I don't mean that. All the porno flicks I've seen that take place in prison always show these hot criminal types in heavy man-on-man action. Nothing like this.
HMHomeless Man
Not exactly what I was hoping for either.
S2[Episode 214]
I wonder who I have to blow around here to get a triple non-fat latte? [Hunky officer walks in] If you say so.
S2[Episode 214]
We have an arrangement.
Home by 3 or my balls turn into pumpkins.
S2[Episode 215]
What are you two girls all giggly about? [Looks at the coaster Michael and Justin were drawing on] Okay, no more drugs for you.
S2[Episode 215]
The stuff we came up with is amazing. It's like we share the same brain!
You get it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, he gets it Tuesday and Thursday?
S2[Episode 215]
When it comes to measuring wood, I'm an expert.
S2[Episode 215]
What kind of a dyke are you, you can't even handle a power tool!
Oh, go away and play with your son!
While you've still got your legs!
S2[Episode 215]
All work and no dick make Mikey and Sunshine dull boys.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Queer as Folk (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.