Queer as Folk (US) Season 1 quotes

Michael

He's not a steady. We went out twice.

Ted

Around here, that's a long term relationship.

Brian

What makes you think I'm even remotely interested that you have a ring through your tit?

Emmett

Hohhot! That must be Prince Charming! [Brian walks in] Make that the Wicked Witch.

Craig

What about AIDS?

Justin

He wore a condom. I put it on him myself.

Michael

I just don't know what you do for a whole weekend.

Emmett

Well, let's see, first you arrive.

Ted

Then you fuck.

Emmett

Then you unpack.

Ted

Then you fuck.

Emmett

And then you go berry-picking.

Ted

Then you fuck.

Michael

I mean after you fuck!

Emmett

You talk. You get to know each other.

Brian

Fuck you. I haven't thought about Michael once tonight.

Ted

What do you know! Just like when he's here!

Justin

If you want to hit me, go right ahead. Only I'm not gonna cry like some little faggot. And if you want to send me away, that's all right too. 'Cause I bet more butt-fucking goes on in boarding school than in the backroom of Babylon. But whatever you do, it's not gonna matter. 'Cause I'll still be your queer son.

Emmett

Time for your temperature! Roll over!

Brian

You're not sticking that thing up my ass!

Ted

Jeez, that accident must have really jarred your brain.

Brian

Don't go after him, Mikey. Don't ever go after anyone.

David

What is it with Brian Kinney? I mean, sure he's good-looking but a lot of guys are good-looking and he's got his fucking charm but we all have that when we want it. But what is it with him?

Melanie

I don't know, what Lindsay says is that he'll do anything, say anything, fuck anything. No excuses, no apologies, no regrets.

Brian

Well, I believe in the power of prayer and... drugs.

David

I told Mikey you'd be all right but he had to come running back.

Brian

What can I say, he's a sweetheart.

David

That's because you're all that matters to him. You're his world, his life. Everything he thinks about, everything he dreams about, everything he knows.

Brian

He's my best friend since we were 14.

David

That's 16 years of waiting. He's been waiting so long he actually thanks he's happy. But you and I both know that he's never gonna get what he really wants, is he?

Brian

Well what is that, Doc?

David

For you to fuck him! And don't tell me you don't know it... and you love knowing it, don't you?

Brian

You've been around for what, a week? You think you know him? You don't.

David

I'd like to. But I never will as long as you're around. Maybe I should just disappear. You'd probably like that and he probably wouldn't think twice about me. But I'm not going to. I'm not going to disappear. Because I want him. Even more than you don't want me to have him. So if you're really his best friend... give him a chance to be happy. To have a life. His own life. Let him go.

Justin

Did I tell you my dad wants to send me to military school? I said, "Fuck no."

Brian

I think your dad might be right. A Little military school or something might do you good.

Emmett

I always wanted to go to military school. Those sleek uniforms, so well cut.

Ted

Taking orders, getting punished when you're naughty. [Bends over and all slaps Emmett's butt.]

Emmett

Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

And don't forget showering with all those cadets.

Emmett

Oh...

Emmett

Oh my, whoever thought we'd see the day. Brian Kinney driving an Economy compact.

Ted

Subcompact.

Brian

I have to get another car this weekend.

Another fuck mobile?

Emmett

Please, at his age he needs all the help he can get to attract those hot, young things.

Ted

I thought after what happened you might consider something more practical.

Brian

Something an accountant might drive?

You don't want any more weirdo's ramming into you.

Emmett

Never heard him complaining about that before.

Craig

That's it, Justin. That's it. You come home with me right now or you never come home again.

Justin

Never again. Did you hear me? I said, never again! Go, get the fuck out of here! Go! I'm never coming home again!