Emmett quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Emmett

Dating in this place just means you sucked some guy's dick and went out for coffee.

Emmett

She'll come out in her own time, just like the rest of us.

Emmett

Teddy, no matter what you look like, there will always be one person who is dazzled by your beauty.

Emmett

I can't tell you how much it warms my heart to know I'm keeping hetero's horny.

Emmett

When did 70's night become 80's night?

Ted

I remember this song from high school. Talk about feeling ancient.

Emmett

Speak for yourself, honey. I was a mere child.

Emmett

[referring to a hot guy] My God, have you ever seen anything more beautiful?

Ted

Venice. At sunset.

Emmett

Fine. You go down the Grand Canal, I'll go down on him.

Michael

That was quick.

Ted

Not when you've had as much practice as he's had.

Brian

I got bored.

Emmett

I know, getting your dick sucked can be so tedious.

Emmett

Oh my God, look. He must've followed us.

Michael

Christ! It's just what I need.

Emmett

Honey, it's what we all need.

Emmett

[stops Michael] Hey, when was last time you got laid?

Emmett

My point exactly. If you can't remember, then it's time.

Emmett

Ooh! Don't mind me, just uh... can't sleep without my milk and Oreo's.

Michael

This is my friend Emmett. He's staying with me temporarily since the hooker who lived down the hall from him burnt his apartment building down two years ago.

Two years is a long time to be temporary.

Michael

And yet it hasn't interfered with my love life... which I suppose says a lot about my love life.

Michael

He calls me, practically begs me to go with him, knowing full well I'm with someone, for the first time in I don't know how long...

Emmett

7 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days.

Michael

Thank you. And even though the guy wasn't all he was cracked up to be...

Emmett

We'll let that remark pass.

Michael

At least he wanted me. Me! [Sits down on the couch] God, I'm so horny!

Emmett

Poor baby. Well I have just the thing. A new porn video. [Runs to get the video] It all takes place in a prisoner of war camp. Hot, horny men starved for action.

Michael

I can relate to that.

Emmett

Guaranteed to make your private stand up and salute.

Michael

Schindler's Fist?

Emmett

Ah... Here. [hands Michael the remote] I'll leave you two alone. I'm sure you'll going to have a deep, meaningful relationship. Good night!

Emmett

So, uh, who's he look like?

Michael

Well he's got Brian's eyes and mouth, and Lindsay's nose.

Ted

If he's got Melanie's dick, we're in big trouble.

Michael

You should see the pictures I took, he's so adorable. In one of them he's actually playing with himself.

Ted

Who, Brian?

Michael

No, the baby! Imagine he's only been in the world about an hour and already he's pulling his pud.

Debbie

Em, honey, you should try to eat at least some of your protein off a plate.

Emmett

I read that for every thirty pounds you lose, you gain an entire inch of cock.

Debbie

So if you just drop another 90 pounds, you'll have a four inch pecker!

Brian

You know, he's the first. The first almost-dead guy I sort of had sex with.

Michael

You had sex with Ted?

Emmett

You never had sex with Ted!

Michael

When did you have sex with T--

Brian

Sort of sex. At this semi-orgy.

Emmett

There's a lot of things we don't know about each other. Like, did you know I used to walk down the street in Hazelhurst, Mississippi and the postman would spit at me?

Michael

I don't know where my father was born. Or even who he is.

Emmett

I sat with my dead grandmother for an hour and held her hand before I told anyone she was dead. How come we never tell each other these things, huh?

Brian

If I don't get this account, I'll be fucked. And without lube.

Emmett

And that's a bad thing?

Debbie

It's amazing how you always work anal intercourse into the conversation.